the scene is set with SG, Moltar, and Zorak having fallen asleep. The pods open, the teeth are bared...

next scene: SG, Moltar, and Zorak in the commissary. SG and MOLTAR have coffe cups.

SG: Ahh, I just love coffee.

MOLTAR: Uh.. yeah. Whatever.

SG: Zorak, don't you just love your coffee?

ZORAK (without a cup): I don't have any coffee, you idiot.

SG: Uh.. why not?

ZORAK: Eh, caffeine gives me the trots.

MOLTAR: Dude, that is so wrong.

ZORAK: I'll be right back. (trots off)

SG: Aha. So... how about the way we escaped those pods!

MOLTAR: What about it?

SG: Wasn't it amazing!

MOLTAR: Uh... sure. I gotta go. I have to do a show.

SG: What a coincidence! So do I!


(in the studio, SG standing where he does before he gets played to the desk.)

SG: Greetings, citizens! And welcome to my show! The show starring me! Space Ghost!

ZORAK (offscreen): And Zorak!

MOLTAR (offscreen): And Moltar too!

SG (irritated): I'm the only star here! You two are just the wacky sidekicks!

MOLTAR (in control room): I think I'll melt your deskchair.

ZORAK (offscreen): I'm not wacky. I'm evil! Buwahahahaha!

MOLTAR: Hopefully your butt will be in it when I do.

SG (in studio): *sigh* I don't know why I keep them around.

ZORAK (at his keyboard, spits something out of his mouth): *Ptooie!* I taste like mantis.

SG: (stares at Zorak)

ZORAK: (blinks)

SG: Just play me to the desk.

(SG invisos to his desk while Zorak plays a lovely Hammond organ blues solo. Upon arriving at the desk, SG falls backwards as there is no chair to sit on.)

MOLTAR: (laughs)

ZORAK: (laughs)

(SG aims power bands and fires at MOLTAR. In the control room, Moltar is crisped.)

ZORAK: (laughs)

SG: (aims power bands at ZORAK)

ZORAK: (stares, blinks)

( SG finds another chair and sits down.)

SG: (under his breath) I'll have to remember my spank ray for later. (out loud) Zorak! How are you!

ZORAK: Bite me.

SG: And how about that amazing escape from the pods!

ZORAK: Bite me, for I taste like Mantis.

SG: I never cease to amaze you with my incredible feats of bravery and cunning!

MOLTAR: Whatever.

SG: I was so cunning and brave I don't have any memory of it whatsoever! How about *that*, citizens! (smile sparkles)

MOLTAR: Stupid.

ZORAK: What are you talking about, Space Dork?

SG: About my amazing rescue of you and Moltar from those pods!

MOLTAR: (laughs) You didn't rescue us. Stupid.

SG: Of course I did!

MOLTAR: No, you didn't.

SG: Yes I did!

MOLTAR: No, you didn't.

SG: Yes, I did.

MOLTAR: No, you didn't.

SG: Yes I did.

MOLTAR: No, you didnt.

SG: Yes, I did! How else could we have escaped?

ZORAK (soft evil touch-it voice): We didn't.

SG: I mean, the two of you certainly aren't capable of saving the planet!

ZORAK: We didn't escape.

SG: And even if you were, I know you! You would have left me to die!

ZORAK: We did.(evil laugh)

MOLTAR: We did. (evil laugh)

SG: What?

ZORAK: We all died.

SG: What?

MOLTAR: Heheh.

ZORAK: The pods killed us.

SG: Oh that is just silly. If the pods killed us, then how are we sitting here?

MOLTAR: Heheh. You are such an idiot.

ZORAK: Don't you get it, whale butt?

SG: Get what?

ZORAK: We're replicants!

(close up of SG's face, dramatic sting music, end credits.)

ZORAK (VO): I'll be right back. (sounds of mantis trotting to the loo.)

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