the scene is set with SG, Moltar, and Zorak having fallen asleep. The pods open, the teeth are bared...
next scene: SG, Moltar, and Zorak in the commissary. SG and MOLTAR have coffe cups.
SG: Ahh, I just love coffee.
MOLTAR: Uh.. yeah. Whatever.
SG: Zorak, don't you just love your coffee?
ZORAK (without a cup): I don't have any coffee, you idiot.
SG: Uh.. why not?
ZORAK: Eh, caffeine gives me the trots.
MOLTAR: Dude, that is so wrong.
ZORAK: I'll be right back. (trots off)
SG: Aha. So... how about the way we escaped those pods!
MOLTAR: What about it?
SG: Wasn't it amazing!
MOLTAR: Uh... sure. I gotta go. I have to do a show.
SG: What a coincidence! So do I!
(in the studio, SG standing where he does before he gets played to the desk.)
SG: Greetings, citizens! And welcome to my show! The show starring me! Space Ghost!
ZORAK (offscreen): And Zorak!
MOLTAR (offscreen): And Moltar too!
SG (irritated): I'm the only star here! You two are just the wacky sidekicks!
MOLTAR (in control room): I think I'll melt your deskchair.
ZORAK (offscreen): I'm not wacky. I'm evil! Buwahahahaha!
MOLTAR: Hopefully your butt will be in it when I do.
SG (in studio): *sigh* I don't know why I keep them around.
ZORAK (at his keyboard, spits something out of his mouth): *Ptooie!* I taste like mantis.
SG: (stares at Zorak)
ZORAK: (blinks)
SG: Just play me to the desk.
(SG invisos to his desk while Zorak plays a lovely Hammond organ blues solo. Upon arriving at the desk, SG falls backwards as there is no chair to sit on.)
MOLTAR: (laughs)
ZORAK: (laughs)
(SG aims power bands and fires at MOLTAR. In the control room, Moltar is crisped.)
ZORAK: (laughs)
SG: (aims power bands at ZORAK)
ZORAK: (stares, blinks)
( SG finds another chair and sits down.)
SG: (under his breath) I'll have to remember my spank ray for later. (out loud) Zorak! How are you!
ZORAK: Bite me.
SG: And how about that amazing escape from the pods!
ZORAK: Bite me, for I taste like Mantis.
SG: I never cease to amaze you with my incredible feats of bravery and cunning!
MOLTAR: Whatever.
SG: I was so cunning and brave I don't have any memory of it whatsoever! How about *that*, citizens! (smile sparkles)
MOLTAR: Stupid.
ZORAK: What are you talking about, Space Dork?
SG: About my amazing rescue of you and Moltar from those pods!
MOLTAR: (laughs) You didn't rescue us. Stupid.
SG: Of course I did!
MOLTAR: No, you didn't.
SG: Yes I did!
MOLTAR: No, you didn't.
SG: Yes, I did.
MOLTAR: No, you didn't.
SG: Yes I did.
MOLTAR: No, you didnt.
SG: Yes, I did! How else could we have escaped?
ZORAK (soft evil touch-it voice): We didn't.
SG: I mean, the two of you certainly aren't capable of saving the planet!
ZORAK: We didn't escape.
SG: And even if you were, I know you! You would have left me to die!
ZORAK: We did.(evil laugh)
MOLTAR: We did. (evil laugh)
SG: What?
ZORAK: We all died.
SG: What?
MOLTAR: Heheh.
ZORAK: The pods killed us.
SG: Oh that is just silly. If the pods killed us, then how are we sitting here?
MOLTAR: Heheh. You are such an idiot.
ZORAK: Don't you get it, whale butt?
SG: Get what?
ZORAK: We're replicants!
(close up of SG's face, dramatic sting music, end credits.)
ZORAK (VO): I'll be right back. (sounds of mantis trotting to the loo.)