Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better. "
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car. . . for your OWN car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think that deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 90 degrees F "a little warm. "
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
You know if another Alabamian is from southern, middle, or northern Alabama as soon as they open their mouth.
There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop-- it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' wal-martin'"
You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.
You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour & water (a delicacy known as "biscuit n' gravy")
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Alabama.