You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door and chalk body-outlines on the floor..
You ever got too drunk to fish.
You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You've ever bought a used hat.
You're considered an expert on worm beds.
Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
You learned to drive in a monster truck.
Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
You believe pro wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.
Rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you "bring your own."