Signs your Amish Teen is in Trouble

Sometimes stays in bed til after 6am.

In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"

His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."

You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.

Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."

Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."

He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Police catch him doing 20 mph in a buggy with flames painted on the side.

Lately, appears groggy and sluggish while feeding the cows.

At school, he flunked "Scorning Electricity."

He's spending a lot of time alone in the bathroom with a butter churn.

Suddenly, he's talking about getting his own barn.

The music he's not listening to now is louder than the music he used to not listen to.

When singing psalms, he sometimes inserts the phrase "Oh baby."

His favorite Kelly McGillis movie is not "Witness."

Back to the Culture Clash section or the Humor Index