Cyberspeak in 12 Easy Lessons

There is that percentage of the on-line population of these United States who are known to frequent the cyber-world phenomenon known as the chat room. These people no doubt are aware of various acronyms and descriptions which are commonly used in such venue's, but may not be aware of the real meaning of some of the phrases which they read and/or write on a regular basis. Following is an interpretive expose on what some of this chat actually means:

Weights and Measures (Male Gender)

10 inches The length of a #2 pencil
very thick The width of a #2 pencil
tall Able to go on the big rides at Disneyland

Weights and Measures (Female Gender)

weight Add a small beagle (i.e. 120 lbs. = 150 lbs.)
bustline Deflate for 5 seconds (i.e. 40D = 32B)
shoe size Add room for toes (i.e. 7 1/2 = 10)

Descriptive (Male Gender)

attractive Does not induce immediate vomiting or spontaneous internal combustion
masculine Can grow a better mustache than his mother
sexy Has a way with animals

Descriptive (Female Gender)

attractive Has been hit on by an adult male with less than 20% blood alcohol level (excluding relatives, lighting required)
feminine Does not chew plug tobacco or consider bathing to be sissy stuff
sexy Can legally belly dance without liability insurance

Intellectual Measurement Translations

genius Agrees with you
160 IQ Once outwitted a cocker spaniel
moron Disagrees with you
idiot Was outwitted by you

Common Acronym Translations

brb My mother is in the room
rofl Rolling on the floor with Lassie
lol Luvin' on Lassie
roflmao Lassie and I have decided to get married

Heckler Subdialect Translations

check your Terms of Service (TOS) I want my mommy
if you don't like it here, leave I want my mommy
(yawn) My brain needs more oxygen, as usual
heckler of the day The one who laughs most at your jokes
cyberbrawl Twenty HEK's alone in a room, late at night

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