NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________ HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: _______________________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married ________________________________ If less than your age, explain ________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ Do you own a van? _______________ A truck with oversized tires? _______________ A waterbed?_______________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?_______________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a navel ring? _______________ A tattoo?_______________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES) In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?______________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Church you attend ____________________________________________________ How often you attend _________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: father? _____________ mother? _____________ pastor? _____________ Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: _____________________________________________________________________ B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: _____________________________________________________________________ C: A woman's place is in the: _____________________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: _____________________________________________________________________ What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _____________________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name, moron!) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).
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