The Deer Hunt

1:00 am Alarm clock rings.

2:00 am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.

2:30 am Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup.

3:00 am Leave for deep woods.

3:15 am Drive back home to pick up gun.

3:30 am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.

4:00 am Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent.

4:30 am Head for the woods.

6:05 am See eight deer.

6:06 am Take aim and squeeze trigger.

6:07 am CLICK.

6:08 am Load gun while watching deer go over hill.

8:00 am Head back to camp.

9:00 am Still looking for camp.

10:00 am Realize that you don't know where camp is.

Noon Fire gun for help---eat wild berries.

2:15 pm Run out of bullets---eight deer come back.

2:20 pm Strange feeling in stomach.

2:30 pm Realize that you ate poison berries.

2:45 pm Rescued.

2:55 pm Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.

3:00 pm Arrive back at camp.

3:30 pm Leave camp to kill deer.

4:00 pm Return to camp for bullets.

4:01 pm Load gun---leave camp again.

5:00 pm Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you.

6:00 pm Arrive at camp---see deer grazing.

6:01 pm Load gun.

6:02 pm Fire gun.

6:03 pm One dead pickup.

6:05 pm Hunting partner arrives in camp dragging deer.

6:06 pm Repress desire to shoot hunting partner.

6:07 pm Fall into fire.

6:10 pm Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire.

6:15 pm Take pickup, leave hunting partner and deer in camp.

6:25 pm Pickup boils over, hole shot in block.

6:26 pm Start walking.

6:30 pm Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.

6:35 pm Meet bear.

6:36 pm Take aim.

6:37 pm Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud.

6:38 pm Mess pants.

6:39 pm Climb tree.

11:00 pm Bear leaves. Wrap $#@%!* gun around tree.

Midnight Home at last.

Next Day Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Department with detailed instructions on where to place it.

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