How Dogs are Better than Women/
How Dogs are Better than Men
PART 1: HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
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Dogs don't cry.
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Dogs love it when your friends come over.
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Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
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Dogs think you sing great.
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A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
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Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
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The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
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Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
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Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
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Dogs are excited by rough play.
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Dogs understand that farts are funny.
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Dogs love red meat.
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Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
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If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
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Dogs don't shop.
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Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
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A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
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Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
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A dog's parents never visit.
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Dogs love long car trips.
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Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
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Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
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Dogs like beer.
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Dogs don't hate their bodies.
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No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album
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No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
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Dogs never criticize.
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Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
PART 2: HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
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Dogs don't come in drunk and expect loving.
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Dogs don't notice when you've had a bad hair day.
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Dogs understand when you cry.
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Dogs don't ogle the girls at the beach.
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Dogs like to cuddle as long as you do.
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Dogs don't bring old army buddies home on the spur of the moment.
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Dogs never promise "not to do it again"--whatever IT is.
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Dogs love you more than they love anybody else.
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Dogs never pinch waitresses in truck stops.
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Dogs like YOUR friends too.
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Dogs never act ashamed to be seen with you in public.
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Dogs don't spend Sunday afternoons watching football--unless you do.
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Dogs never get bored with you and look for someone younger and more exciting.
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Dogs don't bury themselves in a newspaper at breakfast.
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Dogs don't criticize the way you keep house.
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Dogs love you unconditionally.
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Dogs never correct your grammar.
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Dogs don't care how long you talk on the telephone.
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You never have to wonder if your dog really loves you.
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Dogs don't demand to control the TV remote.
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Dogs don't buy Penthouse.
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Dogs never make negative comments on your figure.
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Dogs never bitch about your cooking.
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Dogs never have to take clients to topless bars.
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Dogs never demand sex because it's "your duty."
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You're always Number One with your dog.
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the Humor Index