Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
"intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps
it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed
up and grabbed him.
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough
to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to
the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their
"next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted
deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible
Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips
to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running
this scam made off with over six million dollars.
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup
to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions
are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked
"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a
Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed
that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed
me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature
on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I
signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature
to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described
the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where
is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said
that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook
for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no
longer wanted them to cross there.
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