Odd Signs from England

IN A LAUNDROMAT:

Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE:

Bargain Basement Upstairs

IN AN OFFICE:

Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

IN ANOTHER OFFICE:

After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

ON A CHURCH DOOR:

This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

ENGLISH SIGN IN A GERMAN CAFE:

Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating.

OUTSIDE A SECOND HAND SHOP:

We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

OUTSIDE A NEW TOWN HALL WHICH WAS TO BE OPENED BY THE PRINCE OF WALES:

The Town Hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow.

OUTSIDE A PHOTOGRAPHER'S STUDIO:

Out to lunch. If not back by five, out for dinner also.

SEEN AT THE SIDE OF A SUSSEX ROAD:

Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 yrs.

OUTSIDE A DISCO:

Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

QUICKSAND WARNING:

Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

NOTICE SENT TO RESIDENTS OF A WILTSHIRE PARISH:

Due to increasing problems with litter, louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.

NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW:

Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

ON A MOTORWAY GARAGE:

Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.

SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK:

Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE:

For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

NOTICE IN A FIELD:

The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET:

If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR:

We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

SIGN AT A NORFOLK FARM GATE:

Beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser and the ninth one has just left!

SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below