Ever get REALLY ticked off at some bonehead on the Usenet? There are some people so utterly stoopid that they don't ever deserve the time it takes you to craft a good flame letter. So, instead, you can just copy this form, check the appropriate boxes, and voila! Instant flame!
USENET BONEHEAD REPLY FORM (version 78.7)
(check all boxes that apply)
Dear:
[ ] Clueless Twit [ ] Lamer [ ] Flamer
[ ] "Me too"-er [ ] Pervert [ ] Geek
[ ] Spammer [ ] Racist [ ] Fed
[ ] "Expert" [ ] Freak [ ] Troller
[ ] Fundamentalist [ ] Satanist [ ] Net.cop
You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You obviously don't know anything about the topic at hand
[ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
[ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it
[ ] Your lack of understanding of the fundamentals is disgusting
[ ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
[ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
[ ] You posted a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You followed up to a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You said "X rules, Y sucks" and gave no support for your lame
statement
[ ] You said "me too" to something
[ ] You make no sense
[ ] You made a post yet failed to say anything
[ ] Your sig/alias is dreadful
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
[ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
[ ] You are claiming that you know more than Newton, Ohm, Pavlov,
et al.
[ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable
[ ] You made a baseless assertion
[ ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS (OR IN ALL CAPS) for NO
APPARENT REASON
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
worthless that you are being flamed anyway
To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're doing
[ ] Stop masturbating for a week
[ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Tell your Mommy to up your medication
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor (monitor must
be plugged in)
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read and memorize the FAQ
[ ] Post to alt.test
[ ] Print your home phone number in your ads
In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[ ] Get a clue
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Go away
[ ] Grow up
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
[ ] Morons like you give ammo to pro-censorship geeks
[ ] Yer momma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc...
[ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
[ ] Go back to school and actually learn something
[ ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet
[ ] All of the above