God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. To better serve your needs, God asks you for few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind your responses will be kept completely confidential, and you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by March 31 you will be entered in The One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power, depending on number of beings entered).
Daryl, Clerk of the Supreme Being of the Apocalypse