The Guy Dictionary

Statement Translation
"Can I help with dinner?" "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," OR "Yes, dear." Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain." "I have no idea how it works."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"I was just thinking about you, and got these roses." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I can't find it." "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time? "What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you." "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else." "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terriffic." "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." "No one will ever see us alive again."

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