A priest and a lawyer died and went to heaven on the same day. St. Peter showed them both to their rooms. The lawyer's room was extremely large and lavish, and the priest's room was a little ten by ten cell with one window and a cot.
The priest said, "St. Peter, I have spent my entire life serving God. Why do I get a crummy room and the lawyer gets the best room?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, we get thousands of priests here, but this is the first lawyer we've ever had."
A lawyer sent a note to his client:
"Dear Jim, Thought I saw you on the street the other day, crossed over to say hello, but it wasn't you, so I went back. One-tenth of an hour: $25.00"
So the lawyer is cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
"No," the doctor said, "I did not check his pulse."
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.
"No, I did not," said the doctor.
"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."
The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out practicing law somewhere."