What Men Mean

"I'm going fishing."

Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."

Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"I can't find it."

Really means...."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."

Really means..."I'm have no idea how it works.

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."

Really means..."I'm was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means..."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."

Really means... "Are you still talking?"

"It's a really good movie."

Really means..."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

"That's women's work."

Really means..."I'm difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."

Really means...."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."

Really means...."I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

Really means...."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"What did I do this time?"

Really means...."What did you catch me at?"

"You know I could never love anyone else."

Really means...."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."

Really means...."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means...."No one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."

Really means...."I make the messes, she cleans them up."

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