The Male Stages of Life
|
|
The Female Stages of Life
|
Age |
Drink |
17 |
beer |
25 |
vodka |
35 |
scotch |
48 |
double scotch |
66 |
Maalox |
|
|
Age |
Drink |
17 |
wine coolers |
25 |
white wine |
35 |
red wine |
48 |
Dom Perignon |
66 |
Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
|
Seduction Line |
17 |
My parents are away for the weekend. |
25 |
My girlfriend is away for the weekend. |
35 |
My fiancee is away for the weekend. |
48 |
My wife is away for the weekend. |
66 |
My second wife is dead. |
|
|
Excuses for Refusing Dates |
17 |
Need to wash my hair |
25 |
Need to wash and condition my hair |
35 |
Need to color my hair |
48 |
Need to have Francois color my hair |
66 |
Need to have Francois color my wig |
|
Favorite Sport |
17 |
sex |
25 |
sex |
35 |
sex |
48 |
sex |
66 |
napping |
|
|
Favorite Sport |
17 |
shopping |
25 |
shopping |
35 |
shopping |
48 |
shopping |
66 |
shopping |
|
Definition of a Successful Date |
17 |
"tongue" |
25 |
"breakfast" |
35 |
"She didn't set back my therapy." |
48 |
"I didn't have to meet her kids." |
66 |
"Got home alive." |
|
|
Definition of a Successful Date |
17 |
"Burger King" |
25 |
"Free meal" |
35 |
"A diamond" |
48 |
"A bigger diamond" |
66 |
"Home Alone" |
|
Favorite Fantasy |
17 |
getting to third |
25 |
airplane sex |
35 |
menage a trois |
48 |
taking the company public |
66 |
Swiss maid/Nazi love slave |
|
|
Favorite Fantasy |
17 |
tall, dark and handsome |
25 |
tall, dark and handsome with money |
35 |
tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
48 |
a man with hair |
66 |
a man |
|
House Pet |
17 |
roaches |
25 |
stoned-out college roommate |
35 |
Irish setter |
48 |
children from first marriage |
66 |
Barbie |
|
|
House Pet |
17 |
Muffy the cat |
25 |
Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat |
35 |
Irish setter and Muffy the Cat |
48 |
Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat |
66 |
Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat |
|
What is the Ideal Age to Get Married? |
17 |
25 |
25 |
35 |
35 |
48 |
48 |
66 |
66 |
17 |
|
|
Ideal Date |
17 |
He offers to pay |
25 |
He pays |
35 |
He cooks breakfast the next morning |
48 |
He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
66 |
He can chew breakfast |
|