"Manufacturing Information Access Software System

The purpose of this memo is to announce the development of a new company-wide software system. We are currently building a data warehouse that will contain all plant manufacturing data. The program is referred to as the "Manufacturing Information Access Software System" (MIASS).

Next Monday at 0900 there will be a meeting in which I will display MIASS. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MIASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects yet, so currently only one person can be in MIASS at a time. This should change as MIASS expands.

Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it. Just this morning, I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MIASS. I've noticed, though, that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MIASS.

Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say to me, "I'm nervous; I've never put anything in MIASS before." I volunteered to help her through her first time, and when we were done she admitted that it was relatively painless and that she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MIASS.

I know that there are some concerns over the virus that was found in MIASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say that the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MIASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MIASS.

We planned this database to encompass all information associated with business, so as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want into MIASS. As MIASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and say, "Here, stick this in MIASS."

Back to the Computer & Internet Humor section or the Humor Index