abdicate (v), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
carcinoma (n), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
circumvent (n), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
gargoyle (n), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
marionettes (n), residents of Washington DC who have been jerked around by the mayor.
negligent (adj), describes a condition where you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
oyster (n), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
semantics (n), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before mass.
testicle (n), a humorous question on an exam.
willy-nilly (adj), impotent.