Aquadextrous (adj.) Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Carperpetuation (n.) The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Disconfect (v.) To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
Dopelar Effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you explain them rapidly.
Elbonics (n.) The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.
Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence Faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species.
Frust (n.) The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding.
Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.
Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
Lactomangulation (n.) Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
Peppier (n.) The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
Phonesia (n.) The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
Pupkus (n.) The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
Telecrastination (n.) The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.