Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses!
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS
Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything. Secretly you wish it would.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS
Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later; in another directory.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS
You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.
BOB DOLE VIRUS
Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS
All files reported as the same size.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS
This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
Never identifies itself as a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
TED TURNER VIRUS
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
Thier is sumthing rong with yur koputer, but ewe cant figyur outt watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing; but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
60% of the PC's infected will lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
Takes a couples of bytes out of your Apple.
The computer locks up and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Your computer becomes obsesses with marrying it's own motherboard.
Your program stops running every few minutes to ask for money.
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy; then self destructs only to surface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
Just does it.
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
Your program can never be found again.
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
It starts by boldly stating; "Read my docs...No New Files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.