Notice of Revocation of Independence
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchal duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories including New Jersey.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with
the following acts:
Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75). Start spelling
English words correctly.
Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God Save The Queen."
Start referring to "soccer" as football.
Declare war on Quebec and France.
Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.
Close down the NFL. Learn to play rugby.
Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses to be
more aggressive with customers and not to tell you their names before you
July 4th is no longer a public holiday, this has been replaced with November
All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to take 6 weeks
annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks.
Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change
Report to our Consulate General in NY - M Wragg - for your new passport and
Have Meg Ryan report to the Prince Andrew's bedchamber.
Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument - and the Queens
Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial.
Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it the National
Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
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