How to Shower Like a Man

  1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
  2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo woo sound.
  3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
  4. Get in the shower.
  5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. You don't use one.
  6. Wash your face.
  7. Wash your armpits.
  8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
  9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
  10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
  11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
  12. Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
  13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
  14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
  15. Pee (in the shower).
  16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
  17. Partially dry off.
  18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener size again.
  19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
  20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
  21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the woo woo sound again.
  22. Throw wet towel onto the bed.

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