If you threw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What's the difference between a soprano and a piranha?
What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and the average All-Pro
What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
About 10 pounds.
How is a soubrette different from a sewer rat?
Some people actually like sewer rats.
What is the difference between a soubrette and a cobra?
One is deadly poisonous, and the other is a reptile.
How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
The horses seem very relieved.
What's the next thing a soprano does in the morning?
Looks for her instrument.
What's the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sightread.
A jazz musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! You have been elected to the Jazz All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with Satchmo, Miles, Django, all the greats. We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God's girlfriend gets to sing."
How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?
Tenors don't have hair on their backs.
How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.
How do you tell if a tenor is dead?
The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.
Where is a tenor's resonance?
Where his brain should be.
What's the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.
Did you hear about the tenor who announced that in the following season he would only sing three title roles: Othello, Samson, and Forza del Destino?
If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end, it would be a good idea.
What's the definition of a major second?
Two tenors singing in unison.
How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?
Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).
How do you tell if a bass is dead?
In the last act of Don Giovanni, there is always a statue which is replaced
at some point by a real singer, a bass (the Commendatore). How can you tell
when the switch has occurred?
The "statue" starts looking a bit stiff.
How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.
What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high school
The tennis final has more men.
How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral
The performance causes more suffering.
Why do high school choruses travel so often?
Keeps assassins guessing.
What's the definition of an optimist?
A choral director with a mortgage.
What is the difference between a high school choral director and a
It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.