The Top Ten New Alcohol Warning Labels


10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

2.WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear".

AND THE TOP NEW WARNING...

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.


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