Tourist English

Real signs in real establishments:

Polish Restaurant: As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren on your deathbed.
Paris Restaurant: We serve five o'clock tea at all hours.
Bangkok Bar: The Shadiest Cocktail Bar in Bangkok.
Swimming pool on the French Riviera: Swimming is forbidden in the absence of a savior.
Sri Lanka Swimming Pool: Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty.
Hotel on the Ionian Sea: In order to prevent shoes from mislaying, please don't corridor them. The management cannot be held.
Tel Aviv Hotel: If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food.
Istanbul Hotel: To call Room Service, please open the door and call Room Service.
Beirut Hotel: Ladies are kindly requested not to have their babies in the cocktail bar.
Mexico City: We sorry to advise you that by a electric disperfect in the generator master of the elevator we have the necessity that don't give service at our distinguishable guests.
Gaspe Peninsula: No dancing in the bathrooms!
Madrid Hotel: If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, cry out for the chambermaid.
Tokyo Hotel: Keep your hands away from unnecessary buttons for you.
Paris Hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but not trousers.
Paris Hotel: Tea in a bag, just like mother.
Chinese Road Sign: Go soothingly on the greasy mud, for therein lies the skid demon.
Barcelona Travel Agency Sign: Go Away.
Amusement Ride Sign in Saudi Arabia: For your safety this game is not allowed for those who suffer from hearts, diabetics, nerves, high pressure and pregnants.
Zanzibar Barbershop: Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors.
Israeli Butcher Shop: I slaughter myself twice daily.
Highway Signs in India:
  • Avoid Overspeeding.
  • Always Avoid Accidents.
A collection of various signs, packages, T-Shirts and shopping bags in Japan:
  • Just Fit For You, King King
  • Fancy Pimple
  • Persistent Pursuit of Dainty
  • Vigorous Throw-up
  • A drop of sweat is the precious gift for your guts
Mexico City Hotel: Broken English spoken perfectly.

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