Words from Women

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
- Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
- Judy Tenuta

He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant.
- Carol Leifer

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
- Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
- Roseanne

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.
- Sue Kolinsky

I think--therefore I'm single.
- Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
- Gilda Radner

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.
- Bella Abzug

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
- Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
- Gloria Steinem

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
- Gloria Steinem

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
- Katharine Hepburn

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
- Linda Ellerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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