Workplace Vocabulary Lesson

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything ,and then leaves.

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

Career-Limiting Move (CLM) - Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" "Don't bother asking him...   he's 404, man."

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's head pops up over the walls to see what's going on.

Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Jill, my... um... friend."

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