I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
They had to grease a door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side to get her through.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
Instead of Levi's 501 jeans she wears Levi's 1002s.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
When I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes crashing through the wall.
She puts mayonaise on aspirin.
Her ass has its own congressman.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When God said "Let there be light" he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw HER peanuts.
When your father mounts her his ears pop.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
She can't even jump to a conclusion.
Her nickname is "DAAAMN!!!"
When her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
When she goes to the movie, she sits next to everyone.
When she goes in a resturant, she looks at the menu and says," Okay ".
She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
She puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.
She has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
She has to wake up in sections.
She sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose.
She put on some BVD's and by the time she got them on, they spelled boulevard.
The National Weather Service gives a name for each one of her farts.
When she's standing on the corner, police drive by and say, "Hey! Break it up!"