Space Ghost on "Donny & Marie"

November 15, 1998

Click on the Space Ghost icons to hear clips from the interview!
(End of commercial break. Shots of the audience cheering. Camera comes in on Donny and Marie on the sofa.)
Donny: (as audience cheers) I know, I know, all right, okay! (audience quiets down) Everyone, this next guest is the ultimate superhero.
Marie: That's right.
Donny: This guy hosts his own talk show, and even when he's upset he's animated.
Marie: Uh! Animated.
Donny: That was a joke!
Marie: Animated.
Donny: It was a joke. Okay, okay! He's the star of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast", that's on the Cartoon Network, the one, the only,
Donny & Marie: Space Ghost!
(The audience cheers. Space Ghost's desk is on the monitors. Space Ghost invisos in.)
Donny: What - oh, there he is!
Marie: There he comes.
Donny: There he is. Hello-
Ghost: Greetings, Osmonds and television viewers of Earth. I come in peace from the Ghost Planet. But do not be alarmed, I will not attack you. Now, bring forth the questions! Let the interview process begin!
Donny: All right!
WAV Marie: Okay, first of all, thank you so much for coming to earth. What are your super powers?
Ghost: Well, I can fly, shoot rays, turn invisible...
Donny: Wow, turn invisible. That, that sounds like a lot of fun.
WAV Ghost: Of course, my most impressive power is my super singing, which I use to great extent on my new CD, "Space Ghost's Surf and Turf", available on Rhino Records at quality music stores everywhere.
Donny: (laughs)
Marie: Yeah, nice plug, Space Ghost. How does the power of invisibility come in handy in crimefighting?
Ghost: Actually, I don't use it much for the crimefighting.
WAV Donny: Okay. When was the last time you were, uh, invisible?
Ghost:: Utah. More questions, please.
WAV Marie: What was the best use you made of your invisible powers?
Ghost: (laughs) Well, I, I guess I can reveal this now. Donny-
Donny: Yes?
Ghost: You remember last year, when you were experiencing those excruciating back pains?
Donny: Oh, yeah, the lower back pains. How'd you know about that?
Ghost: That was me riding you piggyback! (laughs) Giddayap, little Osmond! Hyaah! Oh, those were the days.
Donny: Okay, hey, a little advice for us now. I mean you've been doing this now for four years, so-
Ghost: It's five years, Donny.
Donny: Oh, I'm sorry.
Ghost: Keep your facts straight. That would be my first bit of advice to you.
Donny: Okay. Actually, that's good advice.
Marie: It is good advice.
Donny: Get the facts straight.
Marie: Right.
WAV Ghost: Here's another tip. If you feel the guest gaining the upper hand, take them down a notch by dredging up something dark from their past. They'll respect you for it.
WAV Donny: Heh. O-kay. Now who's been your favorite interview?
Ghost: Not you, Donny. (laughs) As for all the other interviews I've done over the years, I... really... don't remember them. (shrugs)
Marie: You don't remember them?
Ghost: Nope.
Marie: Y-you - seriously, you really don't remember any of them?
Ghost: You tryin' to provoke me?
Donny: No, we're not-
Marie: No!
Donny: No, we're not trying to provoke you!
WAV Marie: No, no-no. What do you do in your spare time?
Ghost: I like to use my spare time eating spare ribs! (laughs) (laughs some more) Go on.
WAV Marie: You're very handsome, uh, Space Ghost. Are you married?
Ghost: Yes, I'm married. To a little lady named... liberty.
Marie: Statue?
Ghost: Not the statue. That statue's huge. Now continue with your line of questioning.
WAV Donny: Okay. Here's one for you. Do you ever take your mask off?
Ghost: Do you?
Donny: I don't wear a mask!
Ghost: Perhaps you should, because you're not especially handsome, are ya, my friend? (laughs) Space joke. (laughs)
Donny: Uh huh. Okay.
Ghost: Next question please.
WAV Donny: Okay. Now we were wondering, are you comfortable wearing Spandex all the time?
Ghost: Why, yes, Donny, and Marie, I am. Spandex is breathable. It allows me to expand and contract at my leisure. It's like having bicycle shorts all over your body.
Marie: Do you hang out with any other superheroes?
Ghost: Do the Bee Gees count? If they do, then, yes, I certainly do.
Marie: Hey, you made a comeback after thirty years, you look great. What's your secret?
Ghost: Lotion, Marie. Gobs and gobs of it. Now, we done here? Where do I go? What happens next?
Donny: Well, actually, I think we're gonna sing a song together with you, uh, they did tell you about that, right?
Ghost: Yes! A song from my new CD, "Space Ghost's Surf and Turf", which is available on Rhino Records at finer music stores everywhere!
Marie: (As Space Ghost plugs) I know, I get it.
Donny: (As Space Ghost plugs) We heard it, okay.
Marie: (As Space Ghost plugs) Uh huh.
Ghost: It has no chorus, and the word are just arbitrarily strung together. But feel free to join in at any time!
Donny: Okay, we'll join you.
Marie: All right.
Donny: Here we go.
(the music starts)
WAV Ghost: Do-do-do. I like bananas because they have no bones.
Donny & Marie: Do, doo-wop.
Ghost: Macauley Culkin starred in "Home Alone".
Donny & Marie: He married young.
Ghost: If your dog has tartar, go get him some of those little doggie bones. Yeah!
Donny & Marie: Bad doggie breath.
Ghost: If you got something something something rhymes with bones, uh, yeah.
Donny & Marie: Bones, dry bones.
Ghost: For eight bucks call a psychic friend on the telephone. Ha ha!
Donny & Marie: Just phone home.
Ghost: If you're going deaf the doctor makes you listen to tones. Boo-boo-boo-boo-beep!
My cousin Vinnie's got a trailer park in Rome, ooh yeah!
Donny & Marie: Nice motor home.
Ghost: If you eat some uncooked pork you'll sit around and moan. Yeah!
Donny & Marie: E. coli.
Ghost: Doobie-doobie-do, something that rhymes with bones. Yeah! Unh!
Donny: Space Ghost, everyone!
Marie: Yeah!
(the audience cheers)
Ghost: Thank you! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Donny: Space Ghost!
Marie: Yeah, give him a hand!
Donny: Thank you, Space Ghost!
Marie: That's right, watch the Cartoon Network!
Donny: (with Marie) Friday nights!
Marie: Space Ghost Coast to Coast! Thank you so much!
Donny: Space Ghost gave everyone a CD! Everyone got a CD!
(audience members wave copies of Space Ghost's new CD, "Space Ghost's Surf and Turf", available on Rhino Records at quality music stores everywhere.)
Donny: We'll be right back! Don't go away!
(More audience cheering. Music begins. Eventually, cut to commercial.)

"The Donny & Marie Show", and this interview, are 1998 Columbia TriStar Interactive. Space Ghost is Cartoon Network. HTML document Kim McFarland.
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