An Open Letter to Father Time

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Brak:: Well, the movie's over 'n I still haven't been invited to a New Year's Eve party. Which means it's time for me to read an open letter to Father Time.
Dear Father Time, I remember you when you were a bouncing baby boy. Now lookit you! A grizzled old man in need of a shave. It's amazing what a year will do.

Which reminds me of, I used to have this friend named Wally, 'n he had the most amazing stomach I've ever seen. You could jump on it, you could hit it with a sledgehammer, you could bang on it with a battering ram, man! One time - and, kids, don't try this at home, 'cause, b'lieve me, I tried - one time we even fired a cannon into it. Whatta gut that guy had! I wonder how Father Time has treated old Wally? I wonder... Ah well. Wally, y'know. He couldn't eat any spicy food because it'd make him sick. We'd go to Mexican places 'n he would say "Oh, I can't eat that, I'm sorry. I can't eat that at all." And I'd say "Eat it! I paid for it! I paid good money for that taco! 'N he would say "No, I'm sorry, it's got peppers on it." But, y'know, I digress. So, y'know, let's take a short break here and then I'll be back with somethin' real entertaining.