Human Resources

3:10

Zorak:: Hey Space Ghost, do you like your job?
Ghost:: Why do you want to know?
Zorak:: Eh, I was just asking.
Ghost:: What have you heard?
Zorak:: I haven't heard anything. It was a completely innocent question.
Ghost:: Nothing about YOU is completely innocent. They've been talking about me, haven't they? They've been talking about replacing me, haven't they?!
Zorak:: Oh, for cryin' out loud!
Ghost:: It's Birdman, isn't it?
Zorak:: You are SO paranoid!
Ghost:: Hey, you'd be paranoid too if everyone was out to get you!
Zorak:: Well, I was just trying to make conversation!
Ghost:: Uh-huh. Okay. Well, since you're SO interested, I'll tell you. I DO like my job. But I have a few complaints. Want to hear 'em? Okay, well, first of all I think they should be paying me more. After all, I am the star of the show.
Brak:: Keep tellin' yourself that.
Ghost:: And I wouldn't mind having a dressing room of my own!
Zorak:: You don't like sharing with me?
Ghost:: No. I don't. I don't trust you. I think you've been going though my private articles.
Zorak:: I do. All the time.
Ghost:: And you leave pizza crusts all over the place!
Zorak:: I don't like the crusts!
Ghost:: Yeah, well, I don't like finding pizza crusts in my private articles! And I wish those eager beavers in Marketing would stop sending me on so many stinking appearances and banquets! Do you have any idea how much chicken I eat in a year?
Brak:: Hey, if you go to a restaurant and order a chicken and an egg, which'll come out first? Well, tell me!
Ghost:: And you'd think Wardrobe could dry clean my costume once in a blue moon! It gets hot in this getup! Could boil a ham in my pants.
Zorak:: It stinks, don't it?
Ghost:: Frankly, yes! And you know what else? Every time I ad lib or make a script suggestion, the writers tell me to "just shuttup and read my lines." Hey, it ain't like we're doing Shakespeare here, rocket boys!
Brak:: Now is the winter of our discontent-
Ghost:: SHUTTUP! And how come the candy machine's always broken? And the coffee - it's awful! It tastes like it was dripped through Brak's dirty socks!
Zorak:: I told you he'd catch on to that.
Ghost:: Plus, every time I mess up they keep throwing Birdman in my face. Like that feather-brained, mite-ridden Tweety Pie could even carry my - carry - carry my- uh -
Zorak:: Private articles?
Ghost:: EXACTLY! But do I ever hear an encouraging word? Ever a "Nice going there, Space Ghost! Good show!"? I mean, would it kill the producer to say something NICE once in a while?
Zorak:: Probably.
Ghost:: But you know what I really like? I mean, you know what really makes it all worthwhile? The fact that I get not one lousy stinkin' bit of respect from anybody who has anything to do with this crummy show!!
Zorak:: Hey, did you know that Brak has a parking space? A-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Ghost:: What?
Zorak:: Brak has his own parking space. Don't you, Brakums?
Ghost:: But Brak doesn't even have a car!
Brak:: It's for my bike. It's a two wheeler.
Ghost:: That's it. I'm outta here.
(Ghost flies out of frame.)
Zorak:: Brak, what say we cook us up a couple of pizzas and go through Space Ghost's stuff, okay?
Brak:: Okey-dokey.
Zorak:: Boy I love this job. Ah-hah-hoo!