Zorak's Helpful Hints:
Zorak's Day Off

Ghost:

Zorak, here's a caller with a question.

(Zorak's prison pod is empty.)

Ghost:

I said, Zorak, here's a caller WITH A QUESTION!

Brak:

Zorak's not here.

Ghost:

What do you mean, "not here"?

Brak:

He told me it was his day off.

Ghost:

Oh. Oh, his day off. Well, that's just - WHAT?! Zorak is my prisoner! Prisoners don't get days off!

Brak:

Ohhhhh, well I don't know about that.

Ghost:

Did Zorak tell you where he was going on his "day off"?

Brak:

Bowling.

Ghost:

Bowling? Zorak doesn't know how to bowl!

Brak:

He doesn't? Well, how d'you like that!

Ghost:

I just happen to have a caller here with a question, is all!

Caller:

Z-Z-Z-Zorak? A-Are you there?

Ghost:

(stage whisper) Brak, you be Zorak.

Brak:

What?

Ghost:

We don't want to disappoint our caller, little-

Caller:

Kevin.

Ghost:

-little Kevin. Disguise your voice. Pretend you're Zorak.

Brak:

(raspy voice) Hi. I'm Zorak. I'm a green bug.

Caller:

Hey, Brak, is-is that you?

Brak:

(raspy voice) Yeah. How ya doin'?

Caller:

I-I'm good. Where's Zorak?

Brak:

It's his day off.

Ghost:

Kevin, this is Space Ghost. Why don't you ask me your question.

Caller:

No. I, I'll wait for Zorak.

Ghost:

(petulantly) Fine! Allrighty.

(The clock's hands spin across its face)

Ghost:

Soooo... uh... where on Earth do you live, exactly, Kevin?

Caller:

Cleveland, Ohio.

Ghost:

Aha! I once visited Cincinnati, Ohio. Baby, if you ever thought about me, wondering - how's it go? - wondering whatever became of me, I'm living on the air in Cincinnati-

Caller:

Is Zorak there yet?

Ghost:

I spent a night in a motel that had "magic fingers".

(The clock's hands spin across its face)

Ghost:

Y'see, there's a machine that's hooked up to the bed. When you put a quarter into the machine, the bed shakes ya around like crazy! R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r... (Imitating the motor as the screen vibrates up and down) Magic fingers.

(Brak gapes)

Ghost:

Kevin? Are ya still there, son?

(The clock's hands spin across its face)

Brak:

I saw it last night. She turned her head around. It... it gave me bad dreams.

(Sound of a phone hangup and dial tone)

Brak:

I think Kevin hung up.

Zorak:

Hey! I'm back.

Brak:

Hey, buddy! Hey, buddy! Heyyy, buddy! Hey, whaddaya know?

Ghost:

How was bowling?

Zorak:

I rolled a thirty-seven. My personal best.

Ghost:

What else did you do on your "day off"?

Zorak:

Oh, let's see. I had lunch with my lawyer, I renewed my driver's license, uh, what else-

Ghost:

You forgot about a little something called "Zorak's Helpful Hints".

Zorak:

Oops! Eh-heh, that was today, was it? Eh-heh-heh-heh. Well, go figure. Hey, whaddaya doin - WAAAAHHHHH!

(Space Ghost zaps Zorak)

Brak:

When do I get my day off?

Ghost:

When monkeys fly out of my ... ear.

Brak:

When does the monkey come outta your ear? I don't have all day, you know!