(Tom, Crow, Bob and Mike are stuffed into the theater.)
Mike: Okay...what horrors do we have today?
"Pokefic on Crack"
Bob: You had to
Tom: Pokemon! This is that really cute anime show with all the weird monsters! On...crack. Oh boy.
All: Hey Verna.
> Team Rocket screamed as they hurtled through the air at an amazing pace.
Mike: (James) Stop putting nitro in the caaaaaaaar.....
"Looks like Team Rocket's Blasting off a--"
Crow: Bad pun.
"Blllarrggg." said Jesse. "I just broke my neck."
Mike: Then how can you still be talking?
Then she died.
Bob: My capslock key is stuck!
Screamed Brock. "I cannot, no, *will not*, ever LOVE again!"
Tom: He was in love with Jessie?
And then he saw Nurse Joy #23 and ran off with her to LA to get hitched.
Mike: Well-no sign of crack yet.
James joined up with some Communist Penguins who taught him how to Hula dance the Hindu way
Mike: I spoke too soon.
After that accident with the home-circumcision kit,
>this had to be the true loser's way out.
Mike: The author's female, isn't she?
Meowth turned into a pencil case.
Tom: Meowth's secret 'third-stage evolution' form.
Jesse came back as a Vampire, made Ash her Human Servant, and took over the world without her twin brother.
Crow: Pearl did say this was SHORT, right?
Then she ate some garlic pizza and died and Meowth the Pencil box became the undisputed ruler of the universe.
Tom: That's gonna give Megabyte a shock.
And Verna Sauventreen went to hickville and tore Xander (Al) away from Willow(Angela)
and Willow weren't a real couple! Xander after stopping really chasing Buffy
eventually went with Cordelia and then Willow met up with and fell in love
Crow: Well now you have to consider that Willow and Xander seemed awwwwwfuly close in that one episode recently.
Mike: Gee. What a coincidence it is that all off us here have seen "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" before and can argue all the points like this.
Bob: Isn't it though?
laughed like a ditz (Cordellia) and then laughed really hard, really really, hard
Bob: Really really REEEEEEALY hard.
and then she choked on her own spit and died from> a blocked airway because no one remembered to feed the dog or the cat or> bird that pooped on Allison's shoulder as she read Katie's *$&^%edup e-mail.
Tom:...What the HELL was that?
"Ew! Gross, bird!" Allison wiped the bird (^*^% off her sweater....
Tom: No no, I meant the whole story.
Mike: That's over with anyhow.
ReBoot / Vampire Princess Miyu Crossover
Crow: Wow, and I thought that ReBoot/Wrestling one was the lamest ever.
By: Jo Ann Montgomery
Note: Suppose Daemon was a Shinma?
Tom: Suppose light could
bend around corners?
Mike: Suppose there was a huge difference between Pepsi and Coke.
Crow: Suppose the X-Files were easy to follow.
(god + demon of Japan) And why is it,
Mike: (Seinfeld) That women take longer in the bathroom? I mean what, do they have to take out all their purse contents and sort them alphabetically? And how about guys who use up all the liquid soap...
whenever people write about Daemon's infection of the Guardians, they always write about Turbo
Bob: In a horribly mangled accent?
finally giving in to Daemon?
Mike: You guys ever read
a fic like that?
Tom: There was this one where he was evil.
Tom: Yeah, completely infected. Daemon wanted Hexadecimal under control so he captured and tied her up and...uhm...
Bob: Oh GOD! That's my friend you're talking about!
Tom: Hex or Turbo?
(Tom and Bob start to squabble)
Mike: (head in hands) And it's so very early in the day, too.
Uh, huh. No way. To quote Bob, "I don't think so."
Bob: Everyone has to say it, don't they?
Give Turbo some credit, will ya?
Crow: No. No we will NOT
Ms. Montgomery. This is OUR Msting and WE'RE going to do WHATEVER the HELL
we want with it!
Mike: Taking the aggressive approach today I see.
Crow: I'm just in one of those moods.
He's not Prime Guardian for nothing, you know!
Bob: Actually the only reason he got elected was because of his mob connection.
Also, Miyu speaks in Japanese, simulated in the text by the greater-than, less than signs < >, ala the comics.
Tom: Aww no, those were
nothing like the OAV. And they're GRAPHIC NOVELS.
Crow: Would saying the word 'fanbot' really MEAN anything at this point, Servo?
Tom: Not much.
Assuming that Glitch could also be a translator, --and I would be very surprised to find out that he could not-- Bob will be the only one capable of understanding her speech. (Well, him, and any other Guardian with a keytool...)
Mike: Give her credit at least for not just writing it all in English and ignoring translation problems.
Mainframe was back on-line, after the system crash and the restart. The cyber-city was back to its old glory, before the virus, Megabyte, was even heard of. Everything was back to were it belonged:
Mike: Well except for the Tor but we're using poetic license.
Dot's Diner sat on Baudway; Bob's apartment building --complete with the huge eight ball-- towered over the docks in Kit's Sector; Al's Wait 'n' Eat diner still served up slow food on Level 31;
Bob: Of course THAT still has to be around. (Grumbles)
and so on. There were some differences in the inhabitants, however.
Mike: Hey, so THAT'S where Aqua disappeared to.
Bob, Guardian 452, was merged with his keytool, Glitch, adding more power to his growing arsenal.
Bob: "Growing" arsenal? So I already have a big stockpile of guns in my basement somewhere?
His time in the Web has also forged a new Guardian out of Bob. He is stronger, wiser,
and more of a leader then ever before. He has grown into a powerful warrior and the perfect leader of Mainframe's forces.
Crow: Never mind that Dot had led them through impossible odds at incredible personal risk and with only the dregs of an army held up with a miniscule rebel force successfully for months, maybe even years. We'll just forget about her.
Dot Matrix has gone from businesswoman, owning most of Mainframe, to the COMMAND.COM of the super-cyber city.
Crow: ...well that just punched a hole in my rift. Thanks story. Thanks a LOT.
She runs the system with both the calm, cool efficiency of a businesswoman, and
Mike: The ruthless iron grip of a Microsoft CEO.
the compassion of a mother. Her new-found love for Bob has the capability to be more.
Here comes the bride...
(Bob looks a touch nervous)
Where it takes them is for the future to decide.
Tom: Ten to one Bob proposes
and they get married.
Enzo Matrix has grown from hyperactive little boy to
Tom: Hyperactive, sullen commando.
a strong, rage-filled warrior. He grew up in the games, nursing his hatred for Megabyte.
Aww...who's a cute little hatred then? Oops. Uh...AndrAIa it needs
changing...here, you take it.
Crow: (AndrAIa) Oh, so now it's OUR hatred. Before it was YOUR hatred.
When he returned, Matrix --as Enzo now wanted to be called-- confronted the virus, and defeated him. Matrix had spared Megabyte, showing honour,
Tom: Actually the whole
'sparing Megabyte's life' thing was kind of dumb. If he were a REAL hero
he would have put aside personal demons about his self-worth for the sake
of Mainframe and just shot the virus on the spot guaranteeing victory. But
the fact that he considered himself important enough to put the system in
jeopardy by engaging in a duel he had no idea if he'd win or not, and indeed
would have lost if AndrAIa hadn't tossed him the trident, shows he's essentially
still self-centered if he threw thoughts of his family and friends away for
the sake of his own ego and need to prove himself.
Crow: Wow Servo. That was pretty profound.
Crow: But if they didn't have that duel thing and Megabyte being sucked into the Web they wouldn't have been able to bring him back if they make a season four, and he's pretty darned marketable.
Tom: What? But-
Mike: Crow's right Tom, evil sells.
Bob: Sad but true.
Tom: Did you guys just overthrow the whole paragraph that I painstakingly thought out because of a MARKETING excuse?
Mike: Pretty much.
Tom: (Sulking) I'm not talking to you.
even as the virus escaped. Megabyte's trip to the Net was detoured into the Web,
Mike: This is your captain speaking, I'm afraid our trip to the Supercomputer will be cancelled and instead we'll be plunged into the energy sucking terror of the Web. Flight attendants will be along with complimentary peanuts shortly. Thank you.
forcing him to live the horror he had given Bob at the climax of the Web Wars.
Bob: Ha! How do YOU like it, huh Megabyte? Let's see YOU deal with giant spider-tentacled things the size of a truck!
Little Enzo -
Mike: Oh dear God no, she's going through the WHOLE character list.
(Groans of pain)
Megabyte: (Over the
PA system) Ah yes. Isn't it wonderful? DO enjoy. (maniacal little
chuckle as he shuts off.)
Tom: At least he gives us that personal touch by checking in once in a while.
the back-up copy of the original Enzo Matrix-- harkens back to the time when Matrix was still a little sprite --hyperactive, excitable,
Mike: I had a Chihuahua dog once that acted exactly the same.
and loyal. Even he has not been entirely untouched by the Wars.
Bob: Even though he wasn't around for any of it.
He had been in the audience when the Mainframe Strolling Players performed the Recap Song,
Crow: (Enzo) My God! I'm being forced to watch this fairly sunny musical version of my own death with none of the real, lasting emotions of pain or shock! No! NO!!! Make it stop! Make the pain stop!
so he knows about Megabyte's betrayal of Guardian Bob.
Tom: (Enzo) You mean Megabyte betrayed Bob? Whoa. Never saw THAT coming.
He had learned the history of what happened to Matrix, AndrAIa, Frisket, and Bob after the Web Wars and before and after the final battle with Megabyte.
Bob: Just like we are now.
Like his precursor, Matrix, Little Enzo wants to be a Guardian when he compiles up.
Mike: What exactly in the
idea of rushing into deadly situations for either no or little pay and wearing
a spandex blue outfit appeals to so many people anyhow?
Bob: Dating opportunities.
AndrAIa, the game sprite who had escaped her game, became friend and companion to the first Enzo Matrix.
Tom: Totally giving up any semblance of her own life.
In the games, she was something more.
Mike: Cannon fodder.
Ever the peacemaker, AndrAIa was --and still is-- the voice of reason to Matrix's rage.
Bob: (Matrix) $10.99
for a movie ticket? AUUUGH! DAMNIT ALL!
Crow: (AndrAIa) No, down boy! Down! Down. Theeere we go.
Even so, she is an incredible
warrior in her own right.
Mouse --hacker, freelancer, anti-hero,
Mike: How many people will actually REMEMBER that show?
rebel warrior. She has come a long way from hacking the Super Computer to fighting for what is right.
Bob: Being stuck in Mainframe
she didn't have much choice. Is this a fic or a character summary that should
be on a web page instead of HERE?
Mike: Latter trying to pass itself off as the former.
At first, Dot's rival for Bob's affections, Mouse surrendered her own happiness with the Guardian so that Dot could have him,
Bob: So *I* don't have
any say in this? She makes it sound like Mouse's grip on me was inescapable
unless she wanted it to be anyhow.
(Tom hums ominous music)
Bob: Stop it. (Shudders)
even going so far as to encourage Dot to make her feelings known to Bob.
Mike: AFTER giving him a big ol' smooch, of course.
In doing so, she allowed Ray Tracer, the Web Surfer, access to her heart.
Mike: (Ray) Let's see, go to options, aorta no, bicuspular valves no, here we go! Sub menu of beats per nanosecond...
She has not regretted her decision since.
Crow: Of course, now it's next morning.
Hexadecimal, once an enemy, now an ally.
Tom: Sometimes a base sixteen number system.
Used and abused by her brother, Megabyte,
Mike: When sibling rivalry goes a bit TOO far.
Hex escaped from her enslavement to Lost Angels, her island home.
Crow: But not before destroying what was left of the city just for the heck of it.
Growing more and more insane by the nanosecond, it came to a head when she kidnapped Bob. With his new powers, Bob healed Hexadecimal, fusing her masks into a real face and defragmenting her mind.
Bob: Boy, was THAT ever a mistake.
In return, she sent him back to his friends.
Mike: (Hex) Oh here, I'm bored with the guardian already. YOU take him.
During their time in the Web, Matrix, AndrAIa, and later, Bob, learned about Daemon, the super virus that had taken over the Guardian Collective.
Tom: (Borg voice) We are Daemon...resistance is futile.
Of all the Guardians, only Bob and Matrix had escaped infection. Turbo, the Prime Guardian, was infected, but he was also fighting the infection. Sooner or later, Daemon would be defeated, and the Guardians would be set free.
Mike: Geez, thanks for giving away the ending right there.
Sooner then anyone thinks...
Mike: Well not anymore.
"WARNING; INCOMING GAME! WARNING; INCOMING GAME!" the computer's voice boomed unemotionally.
Bob: Remember kids, if you don't know how to use a semi-colon, don't.
It was the first time since just before Mainframe crashed that the citizens had heard the voice. They almost welcomed it.
Crow: Those wacky Mainframe masochists.
Tom: Just a bit.
Bob, Matrix, AndrAIa, and
Hex raced to the game.
"Hex!" Bob cried. "What are you doing here?!"
Crow: (Hex) I'm bowling. What do you THINK you idiots? I can't believe these people outwitted me so many times.
"Going into the game with you!" Hex grinned. "I've never been in a game!"
Tom: (Hex) Won't this be fun? Oh I'm so exited! Uhm...we have to stop the User and save our fellow Mainframers, right? Or is it the other way around? This gets so confusing, perhaps I should simply fry them all...
Bob groaned. That's all they needed; an inexperienced ex-virus inside a game.
Tom: Hey why not? With
her help I can just imagine how this could go. "Hi, I'm the User-" FWOOMP!
He gets fried to a crisp.
Bob: Along with everyone else.
Tom: Good point.
But it was too late to protest. The game cube had already landed.
Tom: Da da da DUM!
The game environment looked to be pre-World War Two Egypt.
Crow: Yes, and we all know how specific pre-World War II Egyptian settings are.
The pyramids were in the background of an archaeological excavation site.
Mike: (Archeologist) Two thousand year old curse...blah blah blah...horrible disease...blah blah...oh what the hell let's take it out anyway. Hey, what's this rash on my arm?
Game sprites representing Egyptians, Americans, and Europeans wandered around, doing various tasks.
Crow: (Archeologist) I'll just put this stature over here-(crash) whoops. Well there goes my research grant.
"It's a game in the Indiana Jones series of games," Bob said. He tapped his icon and said, "REBOOT!" In a column of green energy, Bob was dressed in a khaki shirt,
Tom: Great, it's another Gap commercial.
brown pants, black boots, a brown, leather jacket, and a brown fedora hat. He carried a bullwhip and a pistol. To complete the look, he had a five o'clock shadow beard.
Mike: And three guesses as to who Bob is, ladies and gentlemen.
"REBOOT!" Matrix, AndrAIa, and Hex tapped their icons. Matrix became an American soldier,
Crow: So Egypt let the
American military onto one of their incredibly historically important, thousands
of years old and priceless archeological sites.
Tom: Sounds like an Indy movie.
AndrAIa, an archaeology student,
Bob: In comparison vaguely described.
and Hex, an Egyptian native.
Bob: Also in comparison vaguely described.
Bob concentrated, scanning for game stats. "We have to beat the User to the Statue of Isis. This way," he said, leading them toward the pyramids. The others followed.
Tom: And as always, they're
completely subservient to Bob's will.
Bob: And don't you forget it.
Behind them, shadowing their movements, was the User. Quietly, he followed the Mainframers.
Crow: Well, the User is cautious and intelligent. I can't believe she actually has the USER out of character.
Bob: Promised it could make them 2000 a year, at the very least!
where they entered was dark and musty-smelling.
Mike: Hey, they're in the library from 'Buffy'.
The stone floor was littered with bones from previous tomb-robberies,
Tom: And Am-way salesmen.
unlucky persons from the past that had triggered hidden booby traps. Sensing where the traps were, Bob led the others through the maze.
Mike: God. The tension.
The User followed them through the dark corridors of the tomb.
Mike: (Bob) You
guys hear something?
All: (Others) No.
Finally, Bob and the others reached the hidden chamber where the statue of the goddess, Isis, was kept.
Crow: (Bob) What the-a broom closet?
Torches lined the walls.
Tom: Convenient for tomb raiders.
With precise aim, Bob used his energy powers to light the torches, bathing the room in soft light. The room was five stories high, the walls covered with hieroglyphics.
Crow: (AndrAIa, reading glyphs) According to the ancient Egyptians, it says here: "Gern...loves...Glwenda..."
In the centre of the chamber was a marble altar, upon which the statue stood. The life-size statue, about the height of a sprite, was carved of mahogany wood.
Mike: Wood? The Ancient Egyptians must have been *really good* at preserving things.
The pupils of the eyes were onyx stones, set in alabaster whites, and had kohl eyeliner of obsidian.
Crow: They overdid it on the mascara there.
The lips were inlaid with red jade. The statue was dressed in a long, thin, white shift and adorned with gold and jewels.
Tom: So basically this statue was like a giant Barbie doll.
In the light of the torches,
it looked alive.
"All we do is grab the statue and we win?" Hex asked.
Crow: She's pretty much grasped the basics.
"Yes," Bob answered.
Tom: (Hex) What a sucky game.
Matrix moved to get the
"I wouldn't do that, my friend," said a voice from the shadows. The Mainframers turned to see a man in the uniform of a Nazi officer.
Mike: Colonel Clink!
The User? Somehow, Bob did not think so. He knew the Indiana Jones games too well to believe that the User was a Nazi.
Crow: In fact, the User should be Indy. But let's not get into details.
"The Egyptians not only booby-trapped their tombs, they also booby-trapped their treasures.
Mike: By placing Nazi's as guard dogs? They sure thought far ahead.
A last minute warning to tomb robbers. Anyone disturbing the statue is said to meet with a cruel and painful death."
Bob: Of course, the Ancient Egyptians said the same thing about people leaving the toilet seat up and not tipping regularly. Go figure.
The Nazi walked toward them, his gun aimed at Bob.
Crow: (Nazi) So Mr. Jones, we meet again! I-wait, weren't you a sort of pinkish peach shade instead of blue last time?
"Which is why you are going to trip it for us, Nazi!" said another voice.
Mike: (Nazi) Oh sure, pick on the third Reich.
Heads turned to the newcomer. Now, the Mainframers got a surprise they never thought possible. Standing in the doorway was a young girl dressed all in white.
Tom: Rei from Evangelion!
She had a gun trained on the
Nazi officer, who dropped his own weapon.
This was the User.
Crow: So it's an Indiana Jones game but the User isn't Indy. Okay.
But why was she helping them?
Bob: Hey, I'm not complaining.
This alliance is only temporary, Bob thought. As soon as this Nazi is deleted, the User will turn against us.
She will be our enemy, as she has always been.
Crow: Pretty much.
The User waved her gun, indicating that the Nazi was to move to the statue and lift it from its pedestal. The Nazi walked toward the statue. "I am not alone,"
Tom: (singing gently) I'll wait till the end of time...
the Nazi said. "An entire company of German soldiers will find us here. And if they find me dead..."
Tom: (Nazi) They'll...well come to think of it, they'll cheer.
he let the sentence trail
off, implying a thinly veiled threat.
"We'll deal with them when --and if-- they get here. Move!"
Crow: (Nazi, sulking) You don't really believe I have a company of soldiers, DO you!
The Nazi officer picked up the statue.
Bob: (Nazi) Oof! Oh God, I need to work out more.
For a nano, nothing happened. The Nazi turned to face them, about to proclaim Nazi superiority,
Tom: (Nazi) Ha ha! I have picked up this life sized wooden statue! Nothing can stop our rule now!
when he began to convulse and writhe. He fell to the floor, dead.
Mike: Well, another blow
Unlike most game sprites, the Nazi did not disappear when deleted.
Bob: He's special.
Must be part of the game plotline to have the body of the officer lying there, Bob thought.
Mike: Or maybe they just ran out of self-cleaning nazi.
"Cleaver of the Egyptians," the User remarked. "They coated the statue with the poison of the asp, a very deadly viper.
Mike: Which would really only be effective if the person picking it up had cuts and scratches on their hands, but what the heck.
It can be washed off, of course,
Tom: Unlike other leading brand-name poisons.
will no ill effect on the statue."
Crow: Actually it'll kinda smell for a while but just soak it in lemon juice and it should be fine.
Bob faced the User, knowing that the alliance was off. The User was sure to have a way of picking up the statue without herself falling victim to the poison.
Crow: How about not getting it on any cuts or wounds, that would pretty much stop it from poisoning you.
As the officer had told them, his troops had found them. Without a word, they attacked.
Mike: Yes the short, to
the point descriptions never stop.
Tom: Don't be so ungrateful Mike, they could be really boring and drawn out...
Mike: Ooch. Good point.
The Sprite/User alliance held a little longer as the Mainframers did what they never dreamed that they would do:
Tom: Switched to Windows 98 Plus.
Join forces with the User to battle the game sprites.
Bob: How about stepping back to just let the game sprites kill the User?
Between the sprites and the User, the battle was quickly won. Once again, Bob faced the User,
Bob: Delete her already!
Mike: Harboring some resentment here, Bob?
Bob: You could say that.
wondering how he was going to pick up the poisoned statue and win the game.
Tom: Look, if you don't LICK the damned thing it'll be fine!
Now, the most miraculous of all happened. The User grinned and gave Bob a piece of cloth.
Mike: (Bob) So Users are suicidal now. Great.
"The statue is yours, Dr. Jones,"
Tom: Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones,
caaaalling Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones Dr. Jones wake up nooow...
the User smiled. "Until we meet again."
Crow: Next time Gadget! Next time!
The User then walked away. As she turned, she dropped the game-persona of a 1930's archaeologist, and became almost child-like in her mannerism.
With a girlish giggle that sounded like tiny bells, the girl said, "Bye-bye," in a most child-like voice.
Bob: That was...different.
Then, she was gone, cherry blossom petals floating in the air in her wake.
Tom: Now look, she stole Zoicite's trademark too.
Stunned, Bob wrapped the cloth
around the statue and picked it up.
"GAME OVER!" the computer intoned. The game cube lifted.
"That was weird," AndrAIa said.
Crow: "That was stupid." Crow replied.
"What was weird?" Dot asked. She slid her arms around Bob's neck and kissed him, welcoming her hero home.
Tom: (Hex) Ooh, is this part of winning too? We get kisses? Me next!
"The User actually teamed-up with us to fight the game sprites. And get this: The User let us win the game!"
Tom: The User has issues.
"He's never done that before!" Dot exclaimed. She looked at Bob for an explanation.
Bob: What? *I* don't know why.
He could only shrug. This
was new to him, as well.
A vid-window popped up; Phong's worried face in its surface.
"Bob! Dot! It is happening!" he cried.
"What's happening, Phong?" Bob asked.
Mike: (Phong) I'm...not really sure. Actually, it was nothing. I'm just so bored. Sorry for taking your time. Sorry. Bye.
"Daemon! She is coming to Mainframe and bringing the Guardians with her!"
Bob: Does she have to drag them *everywhere* with her?
This news threw the binomes into a panic.
Crow: Then again VACUUMS throw them into a panic.
Except for Bob and Matrix, all the Guardians were infected by Daemon, a powerful super-virus.
Tom: Out of curiosity is that actually hyphenated?
The sky darkened again, as
if another game cube was about to come down.
A silvery portal formed and from its shiny surface there emerged a hideous, shadow-creature.
Mike: Hey, Blokk got a part-time job appearing in crossover fics.
The shadow quickly took form, resembling the silhouette of a sprite with viral-green and red eyes and a mouthful of sharp, pointed teeth.
Crow: Green and red. Now isn't that original.
Behind this figure came the figures of the infected Guardians.
Bob: What, all 906 240
Tom: Hope there's a few vacant hotels around.
Stumbling after them, but refusing to give in to the virus, was Turbo.
Tom: Point that Daemon's stupid #1-she lugs around a guardian that's only half-infected.
He staggered to where Bob and the others were, still fighting the infection.
Mike: (Turbo) Lemme go! I don't wanna be in your stupid invasion!
"Daemon!" Matrix growled, his cyber-eye turning red, his gun instantly in his hand. Bob helped Turbo to stand.
Mike: (Bob) Hey Turbo, sure is a bummer you being my enemy now huh? Let me help you up.
"Greetings, 452," Daemon smiled. "And greetings to Mainframe, as well.
Tom: (System voice) Hey there.
It has taken a long time, but we have finally caught up to you.
Crow: (Daemon) We had to get directions from the gas station in the next system over.
You will now join us...eh?"
Bob: I smack the first
person who makes a "Look! She's Canadian!" joke.
Bob: Well as far as I can tell, Mainframe's located somewhere in Vancouver.
A sound from above caused Daemon to look upwards.
Crow: (Daemon) Eww, who just *spat* on me!?
<You will do nothing, Shinma> came a voice from above.
Mike: (Daemon) I thought this was going too smoothly.
When the Mainframers turned to look, they saw a pretty, young girl in a shortened, white, Japanese kimono.
Mike: If she starts talking about 'in the name of Mars she'll punish us' I'm going to weep.
Both feet were bare, although the left foot had a red ribbon tied around it.
Tom: She's a Christmas present!
Her brown hair was braided on her left side, a red ribbon twisted into the braid. In her hand was a red, Japanese fan.
Bob: Boy, she just blends in doesn't she?
<Ktuuketsuki Miyu!> Daemon gasped.
Tom: (Daemon) I loved your OAV!
<You will not send me back to the dark!>
Mike: (Miyu) Look, it's not MY fault you haven't been paying your electric bills on time.
<I will!> Miyu replied. <Clever of you to use the English version of your real name in this world of computers, Daemon.
Mike: We're not quite sure WHY. It just was.
But it is over. When a Shinma's true name is spoken; the Shinma is rendered powerless.
Tom: So viruses are also into that whole sort of Earthsea/Black Company 'names are sacred' thing.
Mike: (Daemon) Hey! Name calling already? You...you insect!
Behind Miyu, a figure in a flowing black cloak and a white mask appeared.
Tom: The Phantom of the Opera makes a special guest appearance.
In Miyu's hand there formed a sphere. A slender flame burned within the sphere.
Bob: Miyu uses only natural gas.
<NO!> Daemon screamed.
Mike: Also in Japanese for some reason.
Drawing the darkness around her like a cloak, Deamon teleported herself and her infected slaves to a dark, secluded part of Mainframe.
Crow: Tell me why she didn't do that in the FIRST place?
Only Turbo --unwilling to surrender to Deamon-- was left behind.
Mike: (Daemon) He was no good anyway. Let him get fried by goth-girl there.
The girl lowered her hand and the flame-sphere faded away. Gently, she floated down to them, followed by the one she called "Larva".
Tom: Yes, one day he's
going to morph into a butterfly.
Mike: That's a pupa. Larvae tun into insects or maggots or something disgusting like that.
Up close, the girl's skin was pale ivory and her eyes, a beautiful amber. "Bob!" Dot whispered urgently. "She's a User!"
Bob: (Dot) As far as I can tell. I mean, I've never seen one in real life so this is actually a pretty wild shot in the dark.
"More than that, Dot. She's a vampire.
Tom: You know, last time I checked Miyu didn't seem that technology inclined.
And a princess, at that."
Crow: Great, she's going to go around using the royal 'we'.
As he let this data sink into the minds of the Mainframers, Bob spoke to the girl in her native Japanese.
Mike: You know
Bob: Hai. (Which means 'Yes')
Bob: Well...only that and a few other words from Tom's sub-titled anime tapes.
Tom: Hey! Have you been digging through those?
Miyu. What brings you to Mainframe?>
<The one you call Daemon is a Shinma. I have come to send her back to the Dark from whence she escaped.>
Bob: And you couldn't do this BEFORE she let a web creature into Mainframe? Oh thanks.
<Shinma?> Bob asked. "That's a Japanese combination of a demon and a god," he explained to the others.
Crow: (Matrix) Uh, Bob we didn't actually follow the conversation at all. Mind translating all the other words?
<Hai. Shinma Daemon used the English translation of her name to gain power in your world.
Mike: Again, we're going to be pretty vague as to how she actually did it.
When a Shinma's true name is spoken, the Shinma loses its power.>
Tom: They're really ineffective that way.
<But she hasn't lost her power. She still holds the Guardians in her spell.> Bob said.
Crow: (Miyu) Yeah well...YOU try doing a perfect job each time.
<Hai. Daemon is drawing
power from the place you call, the Web.>
Miyu had spoken the word, "Web", in English, and the binomes began to become nervous.
Bob: Look, will someone just get them out of there?
They really started to panic when Bob translated the rest of Miyu's information.
Mike: Smart race, those binomes.
Miyu noticed Turbo as he struggled with the infection, determined not to give in to Deamon.
Crow: (Turbo) Fight the evil...fight the evil...must...not...give in...aw what the heck I'll just kill you all.
Lightly, she glided across the ground to stand in front of the sea-green Prime Guardian.
Bob: He gets portal-sick easily.
She smiled sweetly as he looked at her with bewildered eyes.
Mike: (Turbo) Hey...what's someone... from a regular cartoon...doing here?
Very lightly, Miyu placed the tips of her fingers on Turbo's temples.
Crow: (Turbo) OW! Oh God, please not there I have the *worst* headache.
Softly, she sang a song, a sweet melody in her native Japanese.
Tom: She's singing the themesong to Ramna 1/2?
Slowly, the infection faded from Turbo. The glowing lines on his temples faded away, and his eyes cleared.
Crow: His hairline stopped receding and all the unsightly wrinkles smoothed out from his clothes.
His icon --the grey colour
of an infected sprite-- returned to its normal black and gold, the badge
of the Guardians.
When the song was over,
Bob: Everyone unplugged their ears with a look of relief.
Miyu removed her fingers from Turbo's head. He blinked several times as he looked into her smiling face.
Crow: (Turbo) That was really catchy. Do you have it on tape?
<There.> she said. <He is free of Daemon's power. She cannot cast her spell on him again.>
Tom: She talks that way about leftovers and buying groceries too.
Now, Miyu turned toward Bob. She seemed to walk on air as she came near him.
Mike: Actually considering all the people in Mainframe have zipboards or can levitate and whatnot the power of flight has really lost its novelty in this series.
<I can cut off Daemon's link to the Web,> she told them.
Tom: Well, go ahead. We're not stopping you.
<Then, please, do so,>
<But first, I must find where that link is. Larva!>
The cloaked figure leapt up into the air
Crow: (Larva) Yeah, what NOW?
<Larva will locate the link for us,> Miyu said.
Mike: (Miyu) He does all my dirty work.
<When he finds it, he will call for me, and I will go to him and break the link.>
Bob: Again, thank you for explaining what you're doing completely step by step to us even though we don't need it. Really.
She looks so familiar, Bob thought. As if I have seen her before.
Tom: The girl from the game.
Tom: The game.
Tom: She's from the GAME, you moron!
He studied the slim figure before them. She seemed as delicate as a daisy wheel blossom, too delicate to be a demon hunter.
Mike: She really differs from Xena that way.
But that was what she was. And a very good one, it seemed.
Crow: Of course! Why already she's changed Turbo from an off-green to blue-grey and chased away Daemon with a small ball of flame!
She always seemed to know what to do, no matter what the problem was.
Tom: Even though we've only known her for about five minutes.
Now, she looked up, gazing at the sky above them. She seemed to be searching for something ...or listening.
Mike: She's using a pair of earphones to listen to her Walkman under her robes.
<Ahh...Larva has found it!> she smiled. <Come! This will not take long.>
Tom: I have to admit, it does seem like a fairly short story so far.
With Miyu leading them, the Mainframers moved toward the hidden link.
Bob: The PO? Boy, you'd have though we would have found it by now.
Only when they were right
on top of it, did they realize where Deamon established her link to the
"The Tor!" Matrix exclaimed. "We are where the Tor was!
Mike: (Matrix) And suddenly I sound like AndrAIa from season 2.
"Yes," Bob replied. "Deamon would choose the location of an old viral stronghold, even if no trace of the stronghold existed anymore."
Mike: Maybe she was just lucky.
On the spot where Megabyte's Tor once stood, was a pulsating cylinder of green energy,
Crow: Great, they're using the place as a toxic waste dump now.
about the size of an oil barrel. From this, reached a thread-thin line of green energy, heading straight into the sky and beyond it, into the Web.
Tom: (Dot) Whoa, how'd we miss THIS?
>From the folds of her kimono, Miyu now withdrew a bamboo flute.
Mike: (Bob) Aw geez, not again...
Playing a soft, sweet melody, similar to the song that she sang to free Turbo, Miyu danced on air as she played.
Crow: (Dot) Is there any way to stop her from doing this?
The notes caused the thread to quiver, like a plucked bowstring. It shimmered as the girl played the flute, as if trying to dance to the music.
Tom: New take on snake-charming there.
It was very thin, and one could only see it when the light bounced off of it.
Crow: Of course their society has discovered LED's by now.
As the music reached its crescendo, the energy-thread shook with more force, dancing wildly to the tune.
Bob: (Miyu) Live! Live damn you!
With a last hard tug, the thread snapped, falling gracefully to the ground.
Bob: (Miyu) Damn, I killed it. Not again.
A nanosecond later, the barrel and the remains of the link vanished, as if they never existed.
Crow: (Miyu) I've just killed a green thread. Another job well done.
The Mainframers cheered as Miyu floated down to the ground.
Tom: (Dot) Wait, couldn't we just have overturned the barrel?
<She will come,> Miyu said. <Shinma Daemon will know that her link is broken. She will come to try to fix it.>
Mike: So any time you come
across a broken link it's all the fault of some pixie-like vampire dancing
around a glowing barrel in your computer?
Bob: I always though it was just bad spelling.
<Hai,> Bob agreed. <Daemon will attack when she finds us here, and the link gone. We must be ready to...>
Suddenly, ribbons of green energy wrapped themselves around Miyu, lifting her into the air by the waist.
Tom: (Dot) Told you we should have tipped it over.
Instantly, Larva was slashing at the ribbons, cutting her loose.
Crow: (Larva) I swear, I have to do EVERYTHING around here don't I?
Once free, Miyu removed her obi from around her waist.
Mike: All right, it's ribbon time.
She searched the shadows until she found who -- or what -- she was looking for. With a deft movement of her hand, Miyu had bound Deamon in the red sash.
Bob: Yes, she has the awesome powers of *gift-wrapping* at her hands!
"Guardians! Attack!" Deamon shrieked.
Mike: (Guardian) Oh, right. Knew I forgot something.
But without her link to the Web, Daemon's power over the Guardians was fading.
Tom: And once again in a story Daemon's apparently mighty powers are reduced to that of a small, one-shot Saturday morning cartoon villain's.
They moved slowly, unsure, as if their Guardian programming was warring with the orders from Deamon.
Bob: (Guardian) So is that to Mend and Defend or slaughter mercilessly? Oh I'm so confused...
<You do not command them any longer, Shinma Daemon!> Miyu announced. <Now, you shall be returned to the Dark! Larva!>
Crow: (Larva) I swear, if I weren't getting paid commission for this...
Again, the black-cloaked figure appeared behind Miyu. The vampire princess once again raised her hand and formed the fire-sphere.
Mike: (Daemon) Not the small flaming blue ball of death! Nooo!
The fire lanced out, forming a word in kanji -- characters in the Japanese language, similar to our alphabet-
Mike: Actually kanji is
lines and slashes that form syllables which are really quite different from
the English alphabet.
above Deamon. The letters glowed, forming Daemon's name in fire kanji. Cherry blossoms swirled around the entrapped Deamon.
Crow: (Daemon) Aw crap, I'm dead.
Slowly, the maho -- magic -- forced Deamon back to the Dark. As the super-virus/Shinma faded away,
Tom: (Daemon) I'm melting! Meeeelting!
her infection of the Guardians ended. They moved around in a daze, as if they had been asleep, and had just woken up.
Mike: (Guardian) Oh for crying out-don't tell me I've been sleep walking AGAIN!
"Daemon's...gone...?" one young Guardian asked, his voice sounding as if he were speaking in a dream.
Bob: Well she just faded away. I suppose she could come back but we'll call her gone for now, sure.
<Hai,> Miyu smiled. <She is gone, and will not return. Now, I must go, as well.>
Tom: Just as we were getting so attached to you.
<So soon?> Bob asked. <We have just met. We've hardly had time to get to know you.>
Bob: But you're fairly creepy so we don't really care. Bye.
<Hai, I must go. My work here is done. Shinma Daemon has been sent back to the Dark. Do not be sad.
Mike: (Miyu) She's having a great time there.
We will meet again. I will not be leaving the world of computers entirely.
Tom: (Miyu) I still plan to torture you with game cubes from time to time.
Now, I must go into the Web, itself. There is another Shinma that must be sent back to the Dark.>
Crow: (Miyu) Actually there are something like three million of them to send back. But one day at a time, I always say.
Bob was startled. <But who...>
<You call him...Megabyte...I think...>
Then she gave a child-like laugh and rose into the air.
Tom: Sending people to an uncertain hell is fun!
Larva wrapped her in his cloak. "Bye-bye!" Miyu giggled, speaking in English.
Crow: She picked up the language fast.
<And remember, use a cloth to pick up the statue of Isis and win the game.>
Tom: You think he'll get it now?
Bob's eyes widened with surprise. Now, he recognized her.
But how had she done it?
Mike: Just another unknown power of vampires.
Before he could question her
about it, Miyu was gone, along with Larva.
"What is it, Bob?" Dot asked.
Crow: (Bob) I just realized I left my iron on.
"The Game!" he gasped. "Remember that I said the User helped us while in the game?"
Bob: Seemed kinda stupid, actually.
"The User in the game was a young girl. Before she left, she laughed the same way Miyu just laughed.
Mike: (Bob) Boy, what a weird coincidence.
And when she said, 'Bye-bye', it was the very same voice." "You mean, Miyu was the User in that game?" Dot stared at Bob in disbelief.
Mike: (Dot) Honey, have you remembered your pills lately?
"How would she know about the game, and even the game's goal, if she wasn't in the game with us?" Bob reasoned.
Crow: Maybe she's played it before?
"Miyu entered the game to help us," AndrAIa smiled.
Tom: (AndrAIa) Even though she's killed so many people with her games before. Isn't that nice?
"Did she say that she was going into the Web, after Megabyte?" Hexadecimal asked.
Crow: She just mentioned that two minutes ago. Weren't you paying ATTENTION?
"Yes," Matrix answered. "And
she referred to him as a Shinma."
"I heard. But I am Megabyte's sister. Does that mean I'm a Shinma, too?
Mike: (Dot) We guess so. Been nice knowing you.
And if I am, will she come
back to send me to the Dark?"
Bob and the others just looked at one another.
Bob: Whoops. Forgot about that.
Would Miyu come back to Mainframe to send Hex to the Dark?
Tom: Hex vs. Larva/Miyu-only on pay-per-view.
If so, how could they prevent
Would they have to battle their new friend to protect an old enemy?
Crow: The person they've known longer, healed and brought into their group or the giggling vampire they've know for around half an hour?
Or is it...?
Afterwards: Okay, so Turbo had to have help curing himself of Daemon's infection. He still did not give in to Deamon.
Bob: He just sort of stumbled around bumping into things.
I did leave the story hanging. There just may be a sequel.
Crow: Aw no.
Or even two.
Mike: Or five, or six! Yes, there's no limit to them! I AM God! Bwahahahahaha!
What do you think? Should I write a sequel or two to this story?
Tom: You're asking US?
How would Miyu handle Megabyte? And what about Hex? If Hex's brother is a Shinma, so is Hex, right?
Bob: Maybe they're stepsiblings.
Can Bob and the other convince Miyu that Hex is no longer a threat?
Crow: This is the part where we pretend we care, right?
I will have to write the sequels and see.
Bob: No no, don't bother, we can guess for ourselves.
But my next ReBoot/Something Crossover is going to be a ReBoot/Sailor Moon Crossover.
Mike: Who else isn't
(Everyone raises their hands)
I know there is several of those already out there, but one more will not hurt, right?
Tom: Yes. Yes it WILL.
What happens when a new, never before seen, Negaverse villain shows up in Mainframe?
Mike: Sailormoon and company will show up in Mainframe, they'll bond or hate the characters already there, Sailormoon will make a long speech, get defeated the first time, have her butt saved by Tuxedo-kamen, gain a new power and defeat them. Everyone goes out for milk and cookies. The end.
Will the Sailor Scouts be able to help the Mainframers against this new threat?
Bob: Probably. Since there wouldn't really be any point in bringing them in otherwise.
And when I say "never before seen", I mean "never before seen". Totally new.
Tom: At least she's not taking the cheap way out and bringing back Jadeite.
Watch for it! ^_^
Crow: As if we had a
Bob: Well come on, sweet freedom awaits.
Mike: That went over easily
Bob: I thought it was pretty disturbing in its own right.
Mike: How so?
Bob: She basically called all viruses 'Shinma' and implied that they aren't the creations of Users at all but uncontrollable demons from another world that have nothing to do with hackers and programmers. Seems to me this is just a way for Users to get out of any guilt.
Mike: Hey, I've never made a virus.
Bob: Passing the credit doesn't help, Mike.
Mike: You're just upset because you came across as a bit thick in this one.
Bob: (Bitterly) It's easy for you to say. YOU don't have to watch a giant version of yourself on a screen do stupid things.
Mike: Mads are calling. Let's see what they have to say about this.
Megabyte: I suppose Michael
has some intristic value as a part of the species that brought us viruses
to life but I can't see any *specific* honors being bestowed on
Pearl: Anyhow squirts, don't get too relaxed up there 'cause when Jo Ann says she'll write a sequel, she WILL write a sequel. Plus she has a few more fics lyin' around that we snatched up the rights to so you might want to get rid of all the party favors up there-
(There's a loud knocking at the door interrupting Pearl in mid-gloat)
Pearl: (Turning) Bobo, go see who it is. (Looking back at the screen) Anyhow, fresh pain awaits you Nelson, Bob and-.
(Suddenly a gust of wind carrying cherry blossoms whips through the van. A girl in white and a cloaked figure appear.)
Bobo: Lawgiver? I asked
what they wanted but they wouldn't wait by the door. I think maybe they're
selling insurance or-
Miyu: Iie! I am Vampire Princes Miyu. Shinma! I have come to return you to the Dark! I speak your true name! Er-
(She falters, looking around at Megabyte, Bobo, Observer, Pearl, the Hexfield, and back to Pearl.)
Miyu: Which one of you are Shinma again?
Tom: Miyu? Hey, ask her what happened to the spiritualist in the end of the video series. They cut it off so suddenly.
Bobo: Who's the weird floaty
Pearl: Shi-wha? Look little red ridding ribbon, we don't have time for this. I think you have the wrong van.
(Megabyte starts to move back a bit humming nonchalantly. He makes his way towards Larva.)
Miyu: Do not try to deceive
me mortal. You all believe you see the truth when you only glimpse fragments
lighted by your lives. (Giggles briefly. In the background she doesn't
notice Megabyte leaning over and speaking quietly into the captive Shinma's
Pearl: Well take-THIS. (Holds out a box)
Miyu: (Puzzled) Crackers?
Pearl: They're sour cream and chives.
Observer: I believe you wanted garlic, Pearl.
Pearl: Well...garlic, chives, they're almost the same, right?
Observer: No, they are NOT.
Miyu: (Flatly) Garlic does not effect me. I have figured out the Shinma anyway. Larva!
(Larva floats up)
Miyu: I return THIS one
(points to Bobo) to the dark.
Bobo: Me?! No wait, you have the wrong monkey! (Starts panicking)
(Larva nods, and gestures. A red ribbon wraps around Miyu and tightens.)
Miyu: Wh-what? (Struggles)
Larva! What are you doing?!
Larva: (In sign language since he's mute) The virus offered me better pay. (Writes her name in kanji on the wall)
Miyu: Better? But I never actually PAID you anythi-aiiiiie! (Screams and fades away. Larva bows and leaves.)
Megabyte: Ah, the power of bribery.
Pearl: (Dusting her hands off) Well that's that. Everything's back to normal around here again.
Tom: Of course this means that once you do a Sailormoon crossover they'll probably visit you too.
(Everyone's paused in dread)
Observer: Oh dear.