(Everyone enters the theater and takes their seat. Bob takes two Advil, pops them into his mouth and takes a drink.)
Bob: Let's hope that this is over really soon.
Crow: I have a feeling
that it won't. Taking into consideration what the titles have been up until
this point, it's going to be a long ride.
Bob: (sarcastically) You are so helpful.
Crow: Anytime, Tinsil-top.
Issa: Hey! Look behind
Robot 1: Very funny. You must think I'm pretty stupid to fall for that joke
Vince: Don't be stupid Issa.
This will not work...
Issa: I don't know but let's give it a try.
Mike: (Issa) I'm the author,
so this universe bows to my very thoughts.
Tom: (Issa) I am the god! I AM THE GOD!
We will get out from this window.
Bob: (AndrAIa) It's a second story window, moron.
Issa: Get ready! Here goes nothing!
Crow: (Issa) If it doesn't work, let's just hope that they don't fry our brains.
Issa: Hey, look behind you.
Robot 1: Where?
( Issa, Vince and AndrAIa go out of the window )
Bob: And break their necks
Mike: I get dibs on
Robot 2: Get back here!
Mike: (Robot 2) We're starting the game of Twister!
Robot 1: I can't find
Robot 2: Shut up! Now let's get back up stairs and tell Daemon you let them go.
Mike: Now they're going to go to the store to get the wrong milk.
Robot 1: Ok we will tell the
boss that I let.... Hey... !?!?!
Robot 2: Too late..
Mike: (Robot 2) Now we'll
have to get whole milk.
All: Ewwwww. . .
Robot 1: I'll get you for this!!
Bob: Get him
Tom: Alright Bob, you've already used that one before...several times.
Bob: But it still works.
Tom: No it doesn't.
Vince: I got to hand it to you, Issa.
Crow: Why thank you, Thing.
That was pretty good.
Tom: Pretty good, pretty bad. Same difference.
Issa: Yeah I know. I can't believe that worked!
Mike: Neither do we.
These guys are even dumber than Hack and Slash!
Bob: Amazing but true.
Hack: Did someone say McDonald?
Mike: (singing) Have you had your break today?
Slash: No. He said our names.
Who are you ???
Issa: I'm Issa the Creator and Author of this story.
Tom: (Slash) Just checking. I want to know who to throw into the dumpster when this is all finished.
Hack: If you are the Author
of this story then why are you here right now???
Issa: I got someone to fill in for me.
Mike: (Lenny) Glad you're back. The chicken was getting tired.
Hack: Of course. Now
AndrAIa: You don't know Daemon is here??
Hack: Who is Daemon??
Tom: "No one can be told
who Daemon is, they have to see for themselves."
Mike: Tom, that's "The Matrix".
Issa: Daemon is a super virus that was not in my story but somehow got into it. I don't know how.
Tom: The author doesn't know how an all mighty, super virus appeared in his fic? Just like everything else, I guess.
Vince: So this is your fault that I'm here.. I.... you little...
Tom and Crow: Fight!
Bob: Go for the jugular!
Issa: Ok back off Vince or I'll distroy you.
Tom: For I am Issa, the
All: (muted trumpet) Whaa whaa whaa...
Vince: How ????
Bob: (Issa, darkly) Bunnies.
Issa: I'll just kill you in the next story.
Mike: Ah. Never underestimate
the powers of the author of the fic you are in.
Tom: "I will kill you until you die from it!"
Vince: Ok ok fine you win.
Crow: Aww! I wanted to see his death scene.
Slash: So where is Daemon??
Tom: "No one can be told
where Daemon is..."
Bob: Actually, she's in the Super Computer...
Tom: Shut up.
AndrAIa: She is in the Principal Office
Bob: The Principal found out about that graffiti she put on the Guardian Academy.
Daemon: so there you
Issa: Ok that's it! I'm out of here!
TAKE ME WITH YOU!
Mike: Crow! Snap out of it! (hits him across the head)
Crow: (shaking) Sorry about that Mike. I'm...I'll be fine...
Daemon: Robots, let him go.
He is no threat to us now.
Robot 3: But sir, he is the story producer...
Tom: What story?
Daemon: Oh crap. Ok all robots get in the Principal Office. I'll deal with them later. Now I must deal with Bob.
Tom: Um...Bob's in the 'class 12 game'
( mean while )
Computer: Game over.
Austin: That was some game!!
Bob: (Austin) Those war type people were scary!
Bob: Yeah but if you lose, you die.
Crow: (English accent) Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!
Austin: What sort of a crazy world this is???
Bob: One where if you're
not careful, the User will crush you.
Mike: (Homer) Stupid bug! You go squish now!
Matrix: Hey what is that in the sky? A plane??
Tom: (makes spluttering plane noises then makes the plane crash)
Austin: A bird??
Crow: (cackling) Fly my pretties! Fly!
Bob: No. It's Mike the TV!!
Crow: The horror! The horror!
Matrix: Mike the TV ?????
Crow: He's going deep...and...the kick is good!
Austin: Who is mike and why is his name 'Mike the TV'? Does he sell TVs?
Crow: Mike the TV has now become a pimp.
I'll buy one, how much??
Bob: No Austin. He does not
sell TVs. He is a TV.
Bob: ...and somethimes y!
Bob: I'll explain later..
Bob: What's there to explain? He's a TV.
Matrix: Oh no there's
Bob: Oh no, she shot Mike!
Austin: Someone call a tv repair guy!
Tom: Hopefully it's not
that cable guy.
Crow: Jim Carrey scares me.
Matrix: Ok I'll call a TV
repair guy, wait a minute, there is no TV repair guy in
Bob: Guys please stop it, we need to help Mike.
Bob: Yeah. He's stuck in
a huge satellite with four stupid bots and one very handsome
Mike: Shut up.
Daemon: Yeah, that's it Bob, walk in my trap Hahahahahahaha
Mike: (mexican accent) I think I need a bigger box.
Robot 1: Um sir
Robot 1: The mike is on
Tom: (Robot 1) And he's showing us the all commercial channel!
Daemon: Oh no.. um.. Bob can you please forget what I just said and walk in my trap and try took look surprised? Ok?
Bob: Yeah... like that would work.
Bob: Tough luck!
Bob: Darn right!
Daemon: Ok very well, ok robots
( and Daemon turnd of the mike )
Tom: And the crew of the SOL turn on the proof reader.
Daemon: Robots, go a kill Austin, Matrix but only hurt Bob. Do not kill him. Hahahahahahaha
Mike: (Daemon) I want to roast him slowly in my easy bake oven!
Issa: I've always said it and all say it again !!! BUMER!!!
Mike: (surfer voice)
Dude! Look at the gnarly wave, man!
Tom: We can sue him two
Crow: We're going to be rich!
Bob: These titles are even worse than Emidecimal's!
Mike: Yeah. At least she was stealing off of Mainframe's good titles.
Daemon: Kill Austin and Matrix, but if someone harms Bob, I'll kill all of you. So think about it.
Mike: (thinks) Ow!
Robots: Yes sir.
Bob: We need to go somewhere that Daemon's robots can't find us.
Tom: Bob's apartment! No one could find anything there!
Matrix: I know! Level 31. Not even Daemon dares to go there.
Mike: The most feared virus doesn't dare go to a place where a Guardian goes on a regular basis?
Bob: Ok let's go... Austin, what are you doing with that remote and Mike the TV?
Crow: I was wondering why
Mike was was rising and falling...
Mike: (Austin) Mike goes up. Mike goes down. Mike goes up...
Austin: I'm trying to get Much Music...
Bob: As opposed to 'Less Music'?
Bob: Let's get out of here!
Crow: Richard Simmons is coming!
Robots: There they are. Get them!
Crow: If you say 'what', I'll hit you!
Matrix: Gun, target: Fire on all the robots in 5,4,3,2,1!!!
Tom: And while Matrix was counting down, the robots attacked, gagged and deleted them all.
Crow: (Smokey) Only you can prevent forest fires.
Robot: All robots
Bob: All right Matrix, Austin, let's go. Glitch, shield. Ok, go, hurry! This shield will not hold up forever!
Bob: Only because it's not the real Glitch...
Matrix: Just one more shot. I think I can hit that big box of dinamite.
Bob: (Matrix) ...that was placed there just for our conveniece!
Mike: (Maxwell Smart) Oh, the old "strategically placed box of dynamite to get out of tight spots" trick.
( BOOM BANG BOOM )
Mike: Stomp in concert!
Austin: Take that you robots Hahahaha
Bob: (Austin) And that! And that! Now go away or you'll get more of the same!
Bob: Let's go before more robots get here. Glitch teleport to Level 31. Energize !
Crow: (Kirk) Captain's Log - The bald spot on the top of my head is getting bigger and Spock is being a know-it-all again. I hate him.
( and as Bob said, they teleported right to Level 31 )
Bob: AH! Look at
Mike: What's wrong with his head?
Tom: It's on backwards!
Crow: I think it's an improvement.
Daemon: Robot 1 come in...
what? Robot 2 come in... any robot answer. Just great! Herr Doctor come
Herr Doc: Herr Doctor here..
Daemon: Perfect. How are you doing?
Mike: (Herr Doktor) Lousy! My digits are rusting!
Herr Doc: Fine. You
Daemon: Fine, fine Um, look I need a favor from you...
Tom: (Daemon) I love you...
Herr Doc: Your wish is my command.
Tom: (Daemon) Love me!
Daemon: Good report to the Principal Office now. I'll see you then. Daemon out
Crow: (Herr Doktor) Oh what to wear? What to wear? Oh...my new fingers?
Herr Doc: Uum, I wonder what
Daemon wants? Ha vell, computer activate the defenses 30 seconds after I
leave the building.
( else where )
Bob: Come on guys, I know the perfect place
Matrix: What place Bob? There is no place...
Mike: ...like home...?
oh no please not Al's Diner for Pete sake.
Bob: Pete's been there three times this week already.
Please Bob, no let's go to Dot's Diner, the fastest food in Mainframe
Bob: Matrix is picking up a couple of extra bucks for advertising for his sister...
Bob: They will find us there but not here.
Crow: Then...not stay where you are?
Austin: I don't really care where we go. Just look up.
Bob: (Friendly Giant) Look up. Waaaaayyy up! And I'll call Rusty.
Bob: what??? Oh no. They found us. come on Matrix, let's go
Bob: But I thought that
I said that they couldn't find us "here".
Tom: Don't try to think about it. You'll only hurt yourself.
Matrix: All right but dinner is on you
Mike: (Fudge) Eat it or wear it!
Bob: Fine let's
( at the Principal Office )
Daemon: I have to get this right or Heat will have my head!
Tom: Then don't stick your head in the oven...
Herr Doc: Have no fear the doctor is here...
Tom: (Daemon) What is that
behind your back?
Mike: (Herr Doktor) What? Oh...nothing...definately not a horse needle. Nothing to worry about...
Daemon: Ah, perfect. Come with me, we do not have much time left
Bob: The mall closes in fifteen minutes!
Herr Doc: Lead the way master
Daemon: Please don't do that
Herr Doc: Ok
Mike: (Dameon) It's my job to laugh like that.
( in Al's diner
Al's Waiter: hi bob
Bob: Hey I'll need 3 chesse burgers and 3 fries and 2 energie shakes, plus 1 coffe ok
Crow: *coffe* *coffe* *wheez*
Austin: Guys, where is the bathroom?
Crow: There's a port-a-potty out back.
Bob: Right there, turn left, then right. You can't miss it
Bob: Wait...Al's isn't
big enough for all those turns. (calculates it) Those directions takes
you to the alley way!
Crow: I'd say those directions are about right.
Al's Waiter: Ok Al, did you get that?
Crow: (Al) What?
Al: Yeah I did...oh oh I mean... What???
Tom: Ooo! It's Al with a new twist!
Bob: Wait a minute your not Al's Waiter...
Mike: (Al's Waiter) Sure I am. I've got my drivers license right here...somewhere...
( and in second's Al's Diner was filled up with robots )
Tom: And it's the new robot central. Whoever is a mechanical somebody is at Al's.
Matrix: Bob, they're everywhere. We can't get out!
Mike: Join the club!
Robot Commader: Get them
Bob: Hey! What was that for!
Crow: (shrugs) Just in case.
( and a Robot fired on Glitch )
Bob: Yah fiyahed!
Mike: No yah fiyahed!
Tom: Mike? Bob? Can we get back to pulling this giant joke apart?
Mike and Bob: Sorry.
Bob: Oh no Glitch! They blocked
it. Matrix use your gun!
Matrix: Can't! When they hit Glitch, they hit my gun too!
Tom: (Michael Jordan) Ok...off the freeway, off the xerox building, bounce off Glitch, ricoché off Gun, off the wall - nothing but Net.
( and the robot got Bob, Matrix
but they did not get Austin. Hahaha losers! They did not
Bob: No. Don't tell them...
( that he was in then men's room! What a buch of nulls)
Matrix & Bob: Oh Crap!
Mike: Someone forgot to put the diaper on the baby!
Robot: Hahaha! Get Austin now!
(Crow looks at Bob who is whistling innocently)
1 minute later
Mike: Daemon won. The End.
Robot: Austin is not in the men's room or the girls room, he's gone!
Bob: They checked the ladies
room for him?
Mike: Is there something we should know about Austin?
Crow: Notice that they used "men's" room and the "girls" room?
Tom: The "girls" reading this fic aren't going to be happy!
Bob & Matrix:
Robot: Never mind. We will find him later. Get them to Daemon. She will be happy.
Crow: I like being happy. I'm good at that!
( at the Principal Office
Daemon: It's simple. I need Phong's codes, so I can get in the Super Computer
Herr Doc: That's it it will be a piece of cake but....
Mike: We don't have a knife.
Herr Doc: After I get you the codes, you will need Bob's code
Daemon: I know but never mind Bob's codes, get me Phong's code now!
Crow: Why do they need
Bob's codes? For what purpose?
Tom: How do we know?
Robot commander: Daemon, we have Bob
Tom: (Daemon) Excellent! Now all I need is a Matrix. Gotta catch 'em all, ya know!
Daemon: Ha good! So Bob, you think that you can get away from me?
Bob: (Bob) Well...me being a well trained Guardian... Yes!
Get him to the extraction chamber and I want all the guards in front, back, and sides of that chamber, got it?
Crow: (Daemon, announcing) And now! For my next trick! I will place this ordinary, I say it again, ordinary table cloth over the chamber and make this Guardian disappear!
Robot Commader: Yes
Daemon: Oh and did you get Matrix ?
Tom: (Daemon, talking to herself) Oh pleaseohpleaseohplease...
Robot Commader: Yes we did.
Mike: (Daemon) Yes! I have the whole set!
Daemon: Good. Kill him!
Bob: What was the point
of bringing Matrix in if she was just going to kill him
Crow: Why are you asking us?
Crow: I wish he'd stop doing that!
(Back in the SOL)
Bob: This story is really getting boring. There's no drama, no suspense, no action...
Crow: No plot.
Bob: That too.
Mike: Well, I have a feeling that it's almost over.
Tom: (whining) But I want it to be over now!
Mike: In due time, Tom. In due time.
(Bob's face lights up and he runs off screen.)
Crow: Where's he going?
Mike: (shrugging) Beats me.
(Sounds of scrounging and crashes are hear in the direction that Bob took off.)
Mike: (calling) Are you okay Bob?
Bob: (off screen) Fine! Just looking for something.
Mike: (calling) Okay.
Crow: So Tom, what do you think will happen at the end?
Tom: Well Crow, I think that Daemon will kill Matrix, defeat Bob, find Austin and win by finishing her infection of the entire Net.
Crow: Wishful thinker aren't you? That would only happen in a good story.
Tom: One can dream.
(Bob walks back on screen holding a floppy book and a box of crayons.)
Bob: Found it.
Bob: I found my colouring book! I'm going to colour a picture when I'm in the theater.
Tom: What colouring book is it?
(Bob shows the cover.)
Bob: It's a ReBoot limited edition colouring book. Very rare and impossible to find.
Crow: I'm sure I could find it on E-Bay.
Bob: Could not.
Crow: Could too!
Bob: Could not!
Crow: Could too!
(Lights and sirens go off.)
All: We've got movie sign!!!!