Written by Silver Tiger
(We cut to the deck of the SOL where Tom and Crow are hunched over a computer screen.)
Crow: Yes! Give it six
arms! And a spiky head!
Tom: Look, I told you I can't figure that part out.
Crow: But WHY?
Tom: This is very delicate as it is and I can't control how it looks when it's finished.
Crow: Why not?
Tom: They don't come with manuals. I don't know why not. You just can't.
Mike: (Walking in, reading something Hemmingway-ish.) Hey fellas. So what're you two lovable little scamps up to today?
Crow: Ahh! Nothing! Nothing at all! (laughs nervously) Why, we were just here engrossed in the fascinating world of solitaire and-
Mike: Both of you?
Crow: Er-I like to watch.
Mike: (Leaning in) Wait a minute-what's THAT?
Tom: Oh, just some assembly language. You know. Thought I'd try to whip up a program or two. Ah ha.
Bob: (Walking on reading a Calvin and Hobbes book) Hi there. What's proces-(looks at the screen and his jaw drops) Oh my USER! You're- (Drops his comic and runs off.)
Mike: Okay, I'm not that dense. What's going on?
Tom: Well Mike, what with the huge culture and myriad species to be found in Bob's world, we thought we'd try to replicate a part of it here.
Crow: So we're programming a virus.
Tom: Just a small one.
Crow: Out of curiosity.
Mike: Ah. And that computer-programming to solid four-dimensional matter transmitter there? How exactly does that fit in for your plans for a virus?
(We pan to the left where a massive, hulking steel-blue machine is sitting next to the computer.)
Crow: Well it'd be no fun
if we didn't get to see what it looked like.
Mike: Right, right. Got it. You know, it's good to see you having fun and being constructive like this but are you two NUTS? Viruses are programmed to be EVIL! Remember Megabyte? That tall blue guy who sends us movies? Who just happens to BE a virus?
Tom: Sheesh, stop spazzing Nelson.
Crow: Yeah Mike. We support your little hobbies, but the MOMENT we come up with something different then it's all "Oh no, you can't do THAT. It's too dangerous. We all might get killed."
Mike: Yeah that's...kind of my point.
Tom: Well it's almost finished and I worked FAR too long on this to just throw it away. Crow!
Tom: (In full Mad Scientist mode) Throw ze swtitch!
Mike: Oh, God...
(Crow cackles madly and pulls down a large lever. The machine begins to whir and hum sinisterly. At that moment Bob runs back on with an axe.)
Bob: All right-halt now
in the name of the guardian collective or have your machinery
Tom: Muahahaha! It's too late now Bob! The experiment's done. It MUST go on! For science!
Crow: (Creepy 'Igor' voice) Eh-heh-press the button master!
(Before Bob can lunge at the equipment Servo gives a last insane laugh and presses the 'enter' key. Lightning and smoke fills the air. Everyone starts running around in panic. Unbeknownst to them the mads button starts flashing. )
Tom: It's a-*cough* al-*cough*
alive-*cough* alive! (Major coughing fit)
Crow: *Wheeze* I think we burnt the engine out though!
Tom: It'll *choke* be all worth it when *hack* we get to see our *gag* creation!
Bob: Not if *gasp* I delete it *cough* first!
Mike: I think the *heave* Mod Squad is calling!
(We see a fist flailing blindly in the smoke connect with the button. Pearl, Megabyte and friends are watching in bemusement.)
Pearl: (Shaking her head) Tsk. You boys. Always into something. When will you ever learn to leave the mad-scientisting to the professionals?
(SOL. The smoke's beginning to thin out.)
Tom: Ha! Call me mad, do
you? Well *gasp* who's mad NOW, eh? Behold my *choke*
Mike: We WOULD if we could SEE it.
(A soft growl escapes something's mouth. Abruptly what we can spot of the crew freezes. The smoke clears away and we see-)
Bob: (Lowering the axe,
face softening) Aww...I can't delete THAT.
Mike: Servo, he's adorable!
Crow: Eee! Coochie coochie coo!
(The virus is sitting on the desk. It's about a foot long, green, segmented, and shaped like a caterpillar. It's even fuzzy. It gently starts to inch its way to Servo, cooing.)
Tom: No, no, NO! I'm supposed to have some sort of death-bringing, multi-clawed FIEND! Not this!
(The baby virus crawls up to Tom and starts butting its head against him gently in affection.)
Tom: No! Go on, shoo you...you
Crow: Look, he knows you're his daddy!
Megabyte: (Chuckling) Well congratulations Mr. Servo! You're a father. And in the shortage of a cigar to pass around, we have something less toxic yet more painful for you.
Crow: (Sourly) Great
timing you guys have here.
Tom: Aw nuts. (The virus starts crawling up Tom's arm. He tries to shake it off to no avail.) Bob? Mike? A little help?
Bob: Oh no Tom. YOU wanted a virus, YOU got it.
Mike: Hope you're ready for all the responsibilities.
Tom: Like what?
Mike: Feeding it, reading it bedtime stories, sending it to a decent college...
Tom: (Panicky) What? I can't do that! I have my whole life ahead of me! I don't want to be a father!
Mike: Teaching it not to cross busy streets, buying it birthday gifts...
Giving him flea dips...
Pearl: Enough yakking. Time for your delightful piece of drek today which is titled "A New Life To Live". And guess what? (Camera zooms into her delighted face) It's a sequel!
(Various groans of pain from the SOL)
Pearl: (Gleefully) I knew you'd like it! Guess whose sequel it is! Go on, guess!
Tom: Cyber Cat's?
Bob: Silver Tiger's?
Mike: Jo Ann's?
Megabyte: Wrong, wrong,
wrong, and just wait till next week.
Pearl: Today's fic happens to be written by Julia Cat and it's the sequel to "Revenge". You guys remember that one? Cheap season 3 re-hash? Kind of mushy?
Tom: Wait! I can't go into
the theater with this-thing-wrapped around my head!
Crow: Let's name him Woozy!
Crow: Well I suppose YOU have a name already picked out for him then?
Tom: Actually I think he looks more like a Harvey...
Mike: We'll get out the baby naming books later but for now it's MOVIE SIGN!