(Mike enters the theater, dragging Tom and Crow behind him.)

Tom: (whining) I don't wanna! C'mon!
Crow: She said we're free to go! Why are we doing this?
Mike: Oh come on! This is the last experiment. How do you think we're going to feel down the road if we know that we couldn't finish a Jo Ann Montgomery story?
Crow: Happy?
Tom: Sane?
Mike: Look, just one more, okay? For me?

(The bots mutter uncooperatively.)

Mike: For a bag of Oreos I've got hidden in my room?

(The bots suddenly warm up to the idea.)

Dot had finished nursing Jade, and was now nursing Rob.

Crow: Why couldn't she do them at the same time? I mean, she has --
Mike: Please don't.

Bob headed over to his wife
"Would you like to hold your daughter while your son eats?" she smiled up at him.

Tom: (Bob) No.

"Love to," he smiled.
Darla handed Bob his daughter.
Bob smiled at her, "Hello, Jade." She giggled and tangled a tiny hand in his hair

Crow: (Jade) Help, it's got me!

"She is very lovely," Marie smiled at her son and granddaughter.
"She's --ow!-- gorgeous."
Marie giggled as Jade played with her father's hair.

Tom: Ooo, make sure she doesn't cut herself.

"It's not --ouch!-- funny!"

Crow: Since when has how funny anything actually is been related to laugher in this fic?
Mike: Now let's save that bitterness for a little later Crow.
Crow: Yeah, guess I'll need it.

Gently, Bob untwined his hair from his daughter's little fingers,

(Crow fidgets)

allowing her to hold his finger, instead. She soon tired of the finger

Mike: See, they should've got her Super Smash Brothers. No one ever gets tired of that.

and tried to grab his icon.

(Crow fidgets some more)

But her fingers slid off the shiny surface of the icon.

Crow: Is it later yet?
Tom: Can you at least wait until we're at the halfway mark?
Crow: (Sighing) I guess.

"That reminds me:

Tom: (Bob) Dot's going to have babies soon. Oh wait, she already did.

Jade and Rob are going to need icons, too," Bob said.
Phong smiled and held up two icons.

Crow: (Phong) We can just use the ones the vampires had!

"Thanks, Phong," Bob smiled. He put one icon on Jade's towel, and one on Rob's.

Mike: Well, now the towels are registered in the Principle Office, so how about the babies?

"Happy to help," the old sprite smiled.
"Is Rob almost done, Dot?" Bob asked.

Mike: (Bob) Can he come outside and play?

"I think so," she smiled.
"Good. Jenny wants to do the ritual."
"Okay; does she have the runes carved?"

Tom: (Jenny) I'm right here. You don't have to talk through your man.

"Jenny, do you have the runes carved?" Bob asked.
"Working on them," the Gypsy smiled.
"Okay. Just tell us when you're ready," Bob smiled.
She nodded.

Crow: I'm sure there's a really important reason why they couldn't have just replaced those four lines with ' "Yes," Bob said. '

Bob smiled. Then smiled down at his daughter.

Mike: Then, after a bit more smiling, he smiled.

She grabbed for a strand of hair.
"Hey now," Bob smiled. "None of that, Jade!"

Mike: (Bob, darkly) You can have my hair when you can pry it out of my cold, dead scalp.

She reached harder, laughing at the game.
He rocked her, singing a soft lulaby.
She gurgled at the tune.

Tom: (Jade) Maybe I can drown myself in my own spittle so I don't have to hear him.

Rob, who was nursing, also heard the song.
Dot smiled, "They love your voice..."

Crow: (Dot) You're sure they're not deformed somehow?

Bob smiled and continued the singing.
Dot rocked Rob gently to the soft melody.
Soon, the babies fell asleep, Azura as well as Jade and Rob.

Crow: Bob's singing finally made them pass out!

"Wonderful; Bob, the lulaby..."
"Yes, it is," Jo Ann smiled, holding a sleeping Azura.
"You're a one-man symphony, love."

Tom: (Dot) You're Beethoven's 5th incarnate.

Bob grinned at his wife.
She winked back.

Mike: He hiccuped.
Crow: She burped.
Tom: He picked something out of his teeth.
Mike: An atom on her forehead moved.

"We've got more babies to guard, Angel," Drak smiled.
Angel smiled, "Yes."

Mike: (Pokey the Penguin) YES.

"I wonder if Jade and Rob has inherited their father's powers," Drak said as he looked at the two babies.
"I imagine so," Dot smiled.

Crow: Hey, it happened on Bewitched.

"We'll find out as they grow," Bob smiled.
"Time reveals all..." Jenny and Giles quoted in unison.

Tom: Tonight on ET: an exclusive interview with Time, where it reveals all!

Phong smiled at the two of them.
Jenny smiled up at Giles from where she sat, carving.

Mike: (Giles) Umm, you guys? This is starting to freak me out.

"Those three should really get along well with each other," Drak said. "Are you sure we shouldn't at least clone Giles?"

Crow: C'mon, let's just cheapen human life a little.

"I don't know..."
"Que, sara, sara," Jenny sighed.
"Whatever will be, will be..." Giles finished.
"We shall see," Andri grinned, adding to the rhyeme.

Tom: Look, that's not how it goes! Just shut up if you don't know the next line!

Jenny smiled at her.
Wild Card kissed Jo Ann.
Enzo resisted the urge to comment.

Mike: Because he was a teenager now, which meant he was much less likely to speak his mind.

"I love you so very much, darlin'," Wild Card said.
"I love you, too, love," Jo Ann replied.

Crow: (Wild Card) Stop looking at Bob when you say that!

"Aww..." Enzo wasn't able to resist.
Andri grinned, and bent to kiss Enzo.

Tom: (Andri) Well, I'm supposed to love you. Let's get it over with.

She caught him by surprise
"Hphmm!"

Mike: Which one said that?
Crow: I think it was Frisket.

She laughed softly.

Tom: Kiss him, then laugh like an idiot. Great.

"Ready, Jenny?" Dot asked.
"Yes, Dot," the Gypsy stood up.
"Okay," Bob smiled. "Should Dot sit completely up, or is she fine like she is?"

Mike: (Bob) I could fold her into an origami swan if it'll help.

"She's fine. Stand beside her and each of you hold a rune in the babies hands," Jenny directed.
Bob and Dot obeyed.

Crow: Their thirst. See, 'cause they're sprites, and --
Mike: I think we played that card already.

Jenny made the circle of salt and lit the candles.

Tom: (singing) Happy birthday to you. . . happy birthday to you. . .

Wild Card and Jo Ann watched as Jenny performed the same ritual for Bob and his family that she had performed for them.

Mike: (Jo Ann, writing) Only the one performed for Jo Ann's family was much better, with chocolate cake and little diamonds set in it.

Once again, after channelling the potent magics, Jenny was exhausted.

Crow: (Jenny) Oh, I'm too old and dead for this. . .

Giles guided her to a sofa so that she could sit down.
"Thanks, Rupert," she smiled.
Now, Turbo went up to see his great-niece and great-nephew.

Tom: (Turbo) Umm, were they supposed to be turned into frogs?

Jade reguarded him curiously.

Mike: (Jade) How'd he get that flat-top smooth to an atom's width?

Jo Ann smiled, remembering that Turbo was one of the kindest, gentlest men she knew, despite how big he was.

Tom: And how he ordered systems to be destroyed if they happened to have a web creature in them.

Rob tilted his head to the side and gurgled at Turbo.
"Howdy, Rob; Jade," Turbo smiled.
Jade gurgled at the unfamilier accent.

Crow: (Jade) I spit up at your imitation of a Texan accent!

Monitor came up beside him.
She put her hand on his shoulder.

Tom: But she was really Daemon and she infected him!
Mike: Hmmm. . . no.

"They are so beautiful," she smiled.
"Yah," he agreed.
Now, Matrix and AndrAIa joined them, getting their first real look at the babies.

Mike: (carnival barker) Step right up folks for the most amazing spectacle this side of Deep Blue! Two bits gets you a peek at Bob and Dot's twins! Hurry hurry hurry!

AndrAIa made "baby noises" at the newborns,

Crow: (Rob) Don't patronize us.

much to Matrix's amusement.
"Think you'll want one someday, love?" he whispered in her ear.

Tom: (AndrAIa) Well, maybe if I ever find the right man.

She blushed slightly, "Gettin paternal, Sparky?"

Mike: (Matrix) Sure! How about tonight?

"Maybe," he smiled.
She grinned, "It's not something I would completley rule out..."

Tom: So he'd have to swim over her eggs a few times?

He grinned and kissed her.
She giggled.

Crow: (AndrAIa) I love stringing him along like this!

Ray and Mouse looked at each other and smiled.

Mike: (Ray) It's times like these I wish I wasn't gay.

They, too, went up to see Jade and Rob.
"Yoah a daddy now, suagh," Mouse grinned at Bob.

Tom: No no no! It's "Yo ah pahppee, shoooog!!!!" Don't they understand how Mouse talks?

"Yes, I am," Bob grinned back.
"Congrats, ta botha ya."

Crow: (Mouse) Way to reproduce guys!

"Thanks, Mouse!" Dot smiled up at the hacker.
Mouse smiled at her friend.

Mike: Why Ray?

"They're beautiful," Ray said.
"Thanks, Ray," Dot smiled at him
Jade gurgled and tried to grab Mouse's hair.

Crow: Make sure she doesn't burn herself!

"Woah there, sugah!" Mouse jerked her head out of the way.
"Babys like shiny objects,"

Mike: (Jo Ann) Like Phong.

Jo Ann said. "And Mouse's hair is some of the shinyest around!"
Mouse poked her tongue out at Jo.

(Laughter)

Tom: So Mouse has regressed to four years old?

"I'm not even going to answer that one," Jo Ann smiled.
"Not risin' ta mah bait, sugah?"
"Don't feel like it, Mouse," Jo Ann answered.

Crow: (Jo Ann) I decided that, in this scene, I should be much more mature than you.

Mouse smiled, "Tired, sugah?"
"No. Got too much energy in me."

Crow: (Jo Ann) I feel like I could just keep writing this story forever and ever and ever.

"Oh."
Rob gurgled and reached for his father.

Mike: (Rob) I wanna play with the hair now!

Bob took him in his arms.
"'Nother Bob..." Mouse smiled.

Crow: So, what is that now, three of them?

Dot grinned, "Oh yeah..."
"That would be wonderful," Jo Ann smiled.

Mike: (Wild Card) You're sure you married me because you love me? Not just because I look like Bob, but you can't have him because Dot married him?
Tom: (Jo Ann) Of course I love you, Bo-- I mean, Wild Card.

Bob blushed.
"Love ya, bro," Jo Ann smiled.
"Love ya too, Joey..."

Crow: (Wild Card) So. . . umm. . . I'll be over here then. . .

She went over and kissed him on the cheek, then looked down at her nephew.
Rob gurgled at her.

Mike: (Rob) Stay back! I've got a mouth full of spit and I know how to use it!

"Hi, Rob," Jo Ann smiled at him. "Meet your cousin, Azura."
The two babies gurgled at each other.

Tom: Tonight on Crossfire. . .

"I think they like each other!" Jo Ann smiled.
Bob grinned, "Say 'hi', Robbie."
Rob gurgled and cooed.

Mike: (Rob) Let's see. . . one of these noises has to mean "hi".

Azura cooed back.
"They're talking to each other!" AndrAIa grinned.
"Oh! How cute!" Andri exclaimed.

Crow: (Andri) They're like a couple of Furbies!

Wild Card came up and put his arm around Jo Ann's shoulders.
"Aren't they adorable?"
"Yes, they are," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (intensely) They really. . . really are.

"Hello, Rob..."
Rob gurgled at his uncle Wild Card.

Mike: (Rob) Hey, you're just like my dad only with no character of your own!

Buffy entered the room, yawning.
"You missed it, Buffy!" Drak grinned.

Crow: (Drak) Ha ha! We all had pizza and you didn't get any!

"Missed what?" she asked, still not quite awake yet.
"The birth of Dot's babies!" he answered.
"Oh!! I did?!"

Tom: Didn't she intentionally miss Jo Ann's birth? Why is this different?

Buffy flew over to Bob and Dot

Mike: She hopped the next airplane to the other side of the room.
Crow: Unfortunately, they sent her luggage to Burma.

and hugged them both, getting her first look at the newborns.
"Meet Rob and Jade, Buffy," Bob smiled.
"Hello, there," the Slayer smiled.

Tom: (Jade) Hey. Back at ya.

The babies gurgled at her, even Azura.

Mike: Because babies never make any other sort of noise.

Buffy smiled at them. "They soooo look like their parents!"
"They do, don't they?" Drak smiled.

Crow: Do they?
Mike: Yes they do!
Tom: They do, don't they?
Crow: They do!

She nodded and then headed over to Angel, "Hey, honey,"
"Hi, love," he smiled.
"How are you this --is it still morning?"
"I think so. Is it, Bob?" Angel asked.

(Gasps)

Tom: The tension!

Bob nodded, "Only just."
"What time is it?"
"11:40."

Crow: Oh my God! It nearly isn't morning anymore!
Mike: No!

"Whoa! Cutting it close!"
"Oh yeah."

Tom: Just think! If she'd slept another twenty minutes, it wouldn't have been morning anymore!
Crow: Wow. . .

"Anybody hungery?" Xander asked.
"I am!" Buffy smiled.
"Me, too," Jo Ann said.

Mike: (Ray) So am I.
Crow: (Mouse) I'm famished, y'all!
Tom: (Giles) I could do with a bit of something.
Mike: (Hex) Nothing for me, thanks. . . I've taken care of it. . .
Crow: (AndrAIa) Just tap a little something on the top of the tank for me.
Tom: (Matrix) Man, I could eat a horse! Again, I mean.
Mike: (Bob) I feel like Chinese. I don't know why.
Crow: (Dot) Let me work! Dear God, please let me work!
Tom: (Wild Card) I'll do whatever Jo Ann's doing.
Mike: (Turbo) I'd like some vittles, I reckon.
Crow: (Monitor) You lower life forms enjoy your little energy intake ritual. I've got better things to do.
Tom: (Enzo) Am I too old for a happy meal?
Mike: (Andri) Is there any plankton left?
Crow: The "Who's Hungry?" sketch, ladies and gentlemen. . .

Dot got up, "I'll cook!"
"No you won't!" Bob said.

Tom: (Bob) No wife of mine is going to be seen. . . umm. . . could you repeat the question?

"I'll cook," Willow vollenteered.
"Why not?!" Dot wailed.

Mike: (Dot) I'm a woman, and my existence is meaningless if I have no domestic duties to perform!

"Rest. Enjoy your family," Bob said.
"I hate being not busy!"
"You will be busy, Dot. Taking care of Rob and Jade."

Tom: (Dot) What-you mean YOU'RE not going to help raise them?
Mike: (Bob) I. . . uh. . . So! How about those vampires?

She gave him a look, but said nothing.

Tom: (Dot) You may have won this round, Guardian, but there will be others!

Rob started to cry. Bob gave him to Dot,

Crow: (Bob) He's all yours. Bye!

and took Jade.
"Shhh..." Dot rocked him gently.
"Maybe he's hungery," Xander suggested.
"He didn't eat that long ago..."

Mike: Maybe he's a baby and that's his reaction to any stimulus?

"Check the diaper, Dot," Jo Ann suggested.
Dot did so, "Oh, yeah --its the diaper."

Tom: Look, authors, you don't need to tell us every detail of their day! We can trust that things like this happen!

"Here's a clean one," Jo Ann said, handing her a diaper.
"Thanks!" Dot stood up and left to change Rob.

Crow: Then she changed Rob. Then she came back. Then she sat down again. Then she said, "I changed Rob, then I came back."

"Better make a quick check of Jade, Bob, just to be safe," Jo Ann advised.
"I was just thinking that."
Jo Ann watched as Bob checked Jade's diaper.

Mike: Why is she watching? Ewww!

"All clear..."
"For now," Marie said.

Tom: (darkly) The diaper is clean. . . but for how long?

"Mom; don't spoil the moment!"

Mike: You ruined the whole diaper-checking for me!

"Who, me?" she smiled at her son.
"Yeah, you..."

Crow: Couldn't be!
Mike: Then who?

"I'm just being the helpfull mother," she smiled.
Bob shook his head.
Marie smiled, came over to him, and kissed his cheek.

Tom: Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you.

He smiled at her.
"Rob and Jade may not be hungery, but I think this little Mainframer is," Jo Ann smiled. She took Azura to a seat in a corner, sat down, and begain to nurse.
Wild Card smiled at her.

Crow: (Wild Card) Duh, I like to watch.

"You're a hungery little one, aren't you Azura?" Jo Ann smiled at her baby.

Mike: (Azura) Yeah, yeah, shut up and produce.

"So, who's gonna cook?"
"I think Willow said she would," Drak said.
"Willow; go cook!" Xander smiled.

Crow: (Xander) You woman.

"On my way!" the red-head grinned. She got up and went to the kitchen.

Tom: No, no, not back in the kitchen! We spent half this story trying to get out of there!

"Good!" Xander smiled.
While they waited for lunch, the Mainframers and the Sunnydalers talked.

Mike: Hey, this should be a refreshing change of pace!

"Giles: I have a few ideas to get Chim," Buffy smiiled.
"Really? What are they?" the Watcher asked.

Crow: (Giles) And don't say "Nuke the Tor".
Tom: (Buffy) Well, we nuke the -- oh.

"We could draw him out with the old 'helpless' routine; or get him when he's the most vulnerable:

Mike: When his mom's there.

Feeding."
"Hmmm...might work..." Bob mused.
"We'd need a staker, and a host to be fed on."

Crow: Pick Jo Ann! Pick Jo Ann!

Nobody wanted to vollenteer for either part.
"I'll go for the feeder --

Tom: Said Nobody.

we've established that a)

Mike: (Buffy) There's no point having a cross-over if I'm not involved somehow.

I can survive a great deal of blood-loss, and b)

Crow: (Buffy) Everyone else in this story is too busy fawning over babies or loved ones.

he wants my blood...Drak? You wanna stake a claim?" Buffy smiled.
"You bet I do!" Drak grinned.
"So if I 'lose' a battle, you get him as he starts to feed on me?"

Tom: (Drak) Wait, what are we talking about?

"Yeah. I just hope I can," Drak was a little unsure now.
"I trust you."
"Thanks," he smiled. Buffy's life was going to on the line. If he should miss, or something went wrong...

Mike: This story would last forever!
Crow: No!

She could see the doubts in his eyes, and smiled, "You can do it."
He smiled and nodded, unsheathing his sword.

Tom: Wait! How does AndrAIa's British accent play into this?
Mike: Yeah, and what about Jo Ann merging with her keytool and. . . and Enzo and Andri getting older and stuff?
Crow: Are you telling us that nothing in this story had to happen, authors?

"And if we screw up, the worst that'll happen is I become a not-so-happy meal."

Tom: (Buffy) So, no down side.

"Just as long as he doesn't kill you, or make you into a vampire," Drak said.
"If he does vamp me, please, Drak --I beg you to stake me or use your sword, or whatever."

Mike: (Buffy) Just, you know, make me die.

"Alright..." Drak said, although he could hardly bring himself to agree to that.
"Its a risky plan; and if it goes wrong I want to die, not end up undead.

Tom: Okay, we get the point, thanks.

Drak nodded and prayed that the plan would work. A brief image of a vamped Buffy dying on his sword came to his mind. He shuddered at the thought.

Crow: So he switched it to Jo Ann and felt a whole lot better.
Mike: C'mon, there's no need for that. . .

"Thank-you," She whispered.
Drak still looked sad.
"I don't like thinking of my own mortality..."

Tom: (Buffy) Let's talk about boys instead.

"Neither do I...yours, that is," he said.
She smiled at him.
"I like it even less," Angel added.
Drak sighed. So much rested on this plan. And on him.

Mike: Would the character Jo Ann wrote for be able to surmount the mild challenges before him?
Crow: Would he save Mainframe from its current state of vague discomfort?
Tom: And how would his biker outfit figure into the story?

"And if he just feed on me, so be it."

Tom: Yeah, you've made yourself clear, we get it!

"He won't get to feed on you

Mike: (Buffy) Well thanks!

much,

Mike: (Buffy) Hey!

I promice!" Drak said, determination in his voice.

Crow: (Drak, determined) He'll get a pint, maybe two, but that's it!

"Just do your best," Buffy smiled.
"I will," he smiled.
"And don't feel guilty it the plan fails."

Tom: (Buffy) Whatever you do, don't put the blame for any of your actions on yourself.

"That will be hard..."
"Swear it, Drak!"
"I promice," he said.

Mike: (Drak) I promise not to care if you die.

"Are you just saying that?!"
"No," he answered. "I promice that if you get turned into a vampire, I'll...kill you."
"Now swear you won't feel guilty!"

Crow: (Buffy) Swear it! Swear it!
Tom: (Drak, scared) I swear! I swear!
Crow: (Buffy) I don't believe you! Kill me now!
Tom: (Drak, about to cry) No!
Crow: (Buffy) Kill me! Kill me!

"I could never swear to that."
"Drak..."

Mike: (Buffy) Don't make me get out the paddle. You're not too big for me to put you over my knee.

"How could I not feel guilty?" he asked.
"Because you'd be doing me a mercy!"
"It still wouldn't make me feel any better!"

Crow: (Drak) Half-undead bikers have feelings too, you know!

She hugged him, "I'd be just another blood-sucker; but much more dangerous."
"Yeah," he sighed. "I know."
"A Slayer-Vampire is the most deadly of all the undead," Giles put in.

Tom: No Giles! Don't try to get yourself involved in the story again! It's not worth it!

"You mean, it's happened before?" Drak asked.
"Once," Giles told him.
"When?"
"Over 500 years ago."

Mike: (Drak) Well, what do we care then? Let's get on with what we're doing!

Bob and the Mainframers were listening in on the converstion. Those with Guardian programming were reluctant to allow Buffy to take such a huge risk.

Crow: Let one girl risk her life to save a system from a virus: bad. Blow up an entire system because of one Web creature: good.

"She became enormously powerful and vampires have been reluctant to sire a slayer into a vampire ever since."

Tom: You get all this extra paper work to fill out, and it's just not worth it.

"But Chimera and Pixil doesn't know about that.

Mike: Hey, you're right! They doesn't, does they?

It's part of the User's world, and that has always been a mystery in the computer world," Jo Ann said.
"Oh..."
"And even though Jo Ann has filled us in on much of the User's world, there is a lot we still don't know," Bob said.

Crow: Like why everyone, no matter what their level of expertise with computers, instantly gets amazing magical powers when they enter a computer.

"Fascinating..." Giles smiled.
"Lunch is ready!" Willow called.
The group raced in, all thoughts of battle gone.

Tom: See, that's this story's problem: Lunch always has precedence over accomplishing a goal.

Everyone sat at the huge dinning room table.
"Whatcha cooked, Will?"

Crow: (Willow) Take-out.

Everyone looked expectantly at the red-haired girl.
"Fried foods for the fellas..."

Mike: 'Cause men need that extra cholesterol to keep them going.
Crow: So, fried what exactly?
Tom: You know, fried salad, fried cheese, fried waffles, and some fried Jello for dessert.

"An' fer tha gals..." Mouse smiled.
"Pasta!"

Tom: (Ray) You know, I'm rather partial to pasta myse--
Crow: (Willow) No. You're a man. You must eat fried things.

"Hmmm...sounds good!" Jo Ann smiled.
"Sure does!" Buffy agreed.
"Everybody, dig in!" AndrAIa smiled. She begain to eat her pasta.

Mike: Like a good female.

Buffy smiled, "The witch does it again!"
"Thank you, thank you," Willow laughed and bowed.x
Buffy chuckled.

Crow: (Buffy) She still hasn't noticed the booger sticking out of her nose!

Everyone settled down to enjoy their meal.
"This is good stuff, Willow."

Tom: (Guy) It's fried! Everything's always better fried!

"Thanks..." Willow smiled.
Drak was barely eating.

Mike: (Drak) My doctor specifically told me to avoid fried foods.

He was still worried about the plan. So much of its success was up to him.

Tom: Have we mentioned that yet?

"Y'know you'll be the third vamp I've trusted with my life..."
"Who were the other two?" Drak asked.
"Angel and, believe it or not, Spike."

Crow: This story brought to you by padding. Padding: because if you write a lot of words, stupid people won't notice that you're not saying anything useful.

"Angel, I believe, but SPIKE?!?"
"Long story."

All: Tell us about it.

"I wish Frankie and Howler were here," Drak said. "We could use their help."

Mike: Considering the plan is already set up and should work as it is, we could sure use their help.

Buffy smiled at him, "At the end of the day

Crow: (singing) When the road disappears. . .

its you and me..."
"Strictly business, of course," he grinned back at her.
Buffy chuckled, "True..."

Tom: (deadpan) Ha ha ha, that is funny.

"Who's Frankie and Howler?" Bob asked.
Drak smiled, "Good friends..."
"I could open a portal and bring them here," Jo Ann said, not looking up from her meal.

Tom: (horrified) No. . . NOOOOOOOO!
Mike: Girls! Stories can work without including everyone in the known universe!
Crow: Did this have to have anything to do with ReBoot at all? Did it?
Tom: She's so nonchalant about it! It's like she doesn't even care!
Crow: I don't know guys. . . first we go back into the kitchen, now we start introducing new characters again. . .
Mike: Okay guys, just settle down, I'll be right back.

(Mike gets up and leaves.)

Crow: Where you going Mike? Mike!
Tom: (hysterical) He left us! He left us!

Buffy smiled at Drak, "Your call..."
"If you can, please do!" Drak grinned.

Crow: (Drak) Just tear 'em right out of time and space and bring 'em here.

"Okay..."
Jo Ann got up from the table and went into a large space. She concentrated very hard, creating a huge, silver sphere.

Crow: Hey, she's an Observer!

>From out of this sphere came two young men. Both were brown-haired, although the hair of the thinner one was longer. The other was huge, about the size of Matrix or Turbo.

(Mike walks back in with a platter.)

Mike: All right, who wants cookies and milk?
Tom: (gasp) Cookies?
Crow: Wow! Oreos!

"Where are we?" the big one asked.
"I don't know," the smaller one said.

Mike: Hey, Laurel and Hardy showed up and I missed it?
Tom: Dunk mine! Dunk it!

"But I...DRAK!" he cried, when he saw the young vampire.
"Hey, fellas!"
A woman stumbled through behind one of them...

Mike: (Jo Ann) I thought I'd bring a rambling drunk through while I was at it.

"Aunt Beth?" Drak asked, looking at the woman.
She looked up, "Drak!" a warm smile spread across her face

Mike: (Beth) Just the man I wanted to kill!

Drak went over to hug his aunt.
She squeezed him tightly, "Where are we?"
"Mainframe, inside a computer," he smiled.

Mike: (Beth) Oh, okay.

Then he turned around and introduced his new friends to them. After that long list,

Mike: Hey, they skipped through the introductions! That's a pretty good sign, right?
Crow: Mmmm. . . double stuf. . .

he said to the Mainframers, "This is my Aunt Beth," he indecated the woman,

Tom: (Drak) You know. The serial murderer.

"Frankie," the big man, "and Howler," the skinny one. "Together, Frankie, Howler, and I were the Drak Pack!"

Mike: The Drak Pack: Copyright 1999 Satan Enterprises.
Tom: So. . . are we crossing over with a short-lived, little-known Saturday morning cartoon, or is this all running around in Jo Ann's head?
Crow: I THOUGHT this might be pure Jo Ann but according to her home website little-known Saturday morning cartoon it is.
Mike: Feeling better guys?
Tom: Oh yeah.

"Hey!" Howler grinned. "We still are!"
Buffy smiled, keeping her back to them.

Crow: (Buffy) Hee hee! I don't have to meet them if I don't want to.

They didn't need the Slayer intruding.
Matrix stood up. Frankie seemed amazingly tall.

Tom: It's almost like he was big or something.

The green warrior went up and held his hand out to the larger man.
"Matrix," he introduced himself.
"Frankie. Pleased ta meet ya." Frankie took the offered hand and shook it.
Buffy ate quietly while the groups introuduced themselves.

Mike: (Buffy) I'm not in this scene, la la la. . .

"Care to join us?" Bob asked.
"Sure!" they grinned, and turning to the table, they noticed the blond girl who had not introduced herself.

All: Dibs.

"Hi!" Howler grinned.
"Uh, hi!" she smiled.
"Name's Howler," he smiled.

Tom: (Howler) I'm the slovenly unwashed one!

"I'm...

Crow: (Buffy) Cathy! No, no, Gwen! Yeah, that's the ticket!

I'm Buffy," she smiled.
"Pleased to meet ya!"
"Likewise." She said.

Mike: (Buffy) Hide the repulsion, hide the repulsion. . .

Beth, Frankie and Howler sat down at the table.

Tom: In two straight lines they broke their bread and brushed their teeth and went to bed.

Willow served up three more plates of food.
Buffy squeezed her stomach muscles tightly, her Slayer instincts kicking in

Crow: (Buffy) Wait a minute. . . this pasta is undead!

"Who cooked?" Frankie asked.
"I did!" Willow smiled
"It's good!" Frankie smiled.

Mike: (Frankie) It's fried and stuff!

"It sure is!" agreed Howler. "Just don't ever let Drak cook!"

Tom: (Howler) He never fries things!

"Howler!" Drak looked mortafied.
"Oh?" Isis smiled, "Why not?"
"Last time we let him cook, he mixed up an explosive!" Howler laughed.

Crow: (Howler) We had to spend three months in the hospital for major bowel surgery! Ah, that nutty funster. . .

Drak blushed, remembering that incident.
Buffy laughed aloud.

Mike: (Buffy) Blowing things up is funny!

"And you are..." Beth looked at Isis.
"This is Isis Osiris; computer teacher and Egyptian sorceress," Drak smiled.

(Muted giggles from the guys.)

Tom: I just can't get over that!

"And his girlfriend!" Cordy smiled.
Beth smirked, "Hmm...Drak, honey, a word..."
"Yes, Aunt Beth?"
"Over here," she rose from the table with the grace of a dancer and gestured to the corner.

Crow: (Beth) C'mon. You know the rules about dating Egyptian computer teachers. To the corner with you.

Drak followed her, shooting a look at Cordy as he went.
"A human?!" she asked.

Mike: (Beth) Didn't you stop to think about cooties?

"Why not?" he asked. "I'm half-human."
She sighed, "How do you think your uncle is gonna react?"

Tom: Why, Cimorene, it's simply not done!

"I don't know. Probibly freak out of his coffin. But I love Isis."
His aunt smiled, "You do, huh?"

Crow: Oh no, this is going to turn into that "Are you ready for marriage" short, isn't it?

"Yeah," he smiled at her.
"Well, I can't object to that; I'm not a mons--

Mike: Monsoon?

I'm not unreasonable..."
"You don't mind, then?" he asked her.
"Me? Noo...Your uncle will probably freak, though."
"Yeah," Drak grinned. "He probibily will."

Tom: (Drak) It'll be fun getting disowned by my uncle.

She chuckled, "We're talking a full-scale blow-up here..."

Crow: We're talking human sacrifices, cats living with dogs, mass hysteria!

"Yeah, well he's the one that is always saying that we need new blood running in the family. I'd just perfer to marry into it, rather then drink it!" he grinned.

Mike: (Beth) Yeah, but he meant drink it!

Beth laughed.
"She's beautiful," he smiled, looking over to where Isis was sitting.

Tom: (Beth) Well, it's all right if you marry her then.

Beth smiled, "And I can sense a kind of power to her. Is she a witch?"
"Egyptian sorceress.

Crow: There's a big difference.

They don't have witches in Egypt."

Mike: They really need to diversify.

Beth smiled, "Hmm..."
"What?" Drak asked.
She grinned, "Nothing."
"Okay."

Crow: Four lines were tragically killed today in the most pointless exchange this reporter has ever seen.

"Nothing bad, I promise, Kid..."
Just then, Angel walked in from where he had been feeding on the blood

Tom: Oh, the blood room.

Willow had ordered for him from the butcher shop.
"Angelus!" Beth exclaimed.
"Aunt Beth?" Angel said, looking at the woman with Drak.
She nodded, "Ohmigoodness, Angelus..."

Mike: (Angel) Ohmigoodness, Aunt Beth?

"Angel, Aunt Beth," the vampire smiled. "I'm only Angelus when I don't have a soul."

Crow: (Angel) And I'm Tony every other Thursday.

"Fine! Angel it is."

Crow: Amazing how quickly and easily she accepted that a centuries old slaughter maniac is now good on his own word.
Tom: It took her what, four seconds?
Mike: Three.

"Is Uncle Dracula here?" Angel asked.
Beth shook her head, "No, he isn't I'm afraid."
"Oh," Angel looked sad.

Mike: (Angel) This is the worst Christmas ever!

"But Frankie and Howler are!" Drak smiled.
"They are?"

Tom: Can't you see them? They're right there.

"Yep!" Drak grinned.
"Hey guys!" Angel called.
"Angel!" Howler cried, grinning. He got up and went to the vampire, followed by Frankie.

Mike: (Howler) Hold on, we'll be right there, just another foot or so.

The three exchanged hugs and back-slaps.

Crow: Well, not much we can say about that is there?

"Great to see you guys again!" Angel grinned.
"Likewise, man!"
"You met everyone else?" Angel asked.

Tom: (Angel) Killed a page or so with some more pointless exposition?

"Yeah! The whole gang."
"Good!"
"Let's get back to lunch," Drak said, turning toward the table.

Mike: And the authors fall back on eating things.

"So you guys are cool with the Slayer?"
"Slayer?" Howler asked, wide-eyed with surprise.

Crow: (Howler) I love that band! They're performing here?

Buffy looked at her feet,

Tom: (Buffy) Well, hey! So that's what's at the bottom of my legs!

"Angel!" she hissed.
"Who's a Slayer?" Beth demanded.

Mike: (Beth) If no one confesses, the entire class is staying in from recess.

The cousins looked at each other.
"I am," Buffy stood up.

Crow: (Buffy) I am Sparticus!

Angel and Drak felt the tention rise. Frankie and Howler just looked at Buffy in surprise.
"You?"

Tom: (Frankie) But you're a girl!

"Yeah, I am," Buffy said quietly.
Beth blinked and took a deep breath. "This...complicates things..."

Mike: (Beth) We'll have to use a different form for our taxes.

"Why?" Frankie asked.

Crow: (Beth) Well, because. . . umm. . . I guess it doesn't.

"Because I'm a vampire!"

Tom: (Frankie) Oh yeah, I forgot.

"So am I, but you don't see her rushing to stake me. Or Drak, for that matter."
"You two have souls..."
"True. But you are family. Drak has reassured them that you are good and won't attack them."

Mike: (Angel) Umm. . . 'cause you won't, right?

Beth sighed and sat, crossing her legs.

Crow: (Beth) Okay. . . I guess I'll be in this story. . .

"If you need blood to drink," Willow said. "We can order it from the butcher shop."
"I just ate..."

Tom: (Beth) There was this innocent maiden going out for some medicine to save her sick father and --
Mike: (Angel) No! Ixnay!

"Okay," Willow smiled.
Buffy sat down, and sighed.
"Come on, guys," Drak said. "Let's finish eating.

Crow: (Drak) We can work out who wants to kill who later.

Then we have some battle plans to rework."
Buffy sighed, "The original plan works for me."

Tom: (Bob) For the last time, we are not nuking the Tor!

"Yeah, but we'll have to update it, if we are going to include Aunt Beth, Frankie, and Howler in it," Drak replied.

Mike: (Buffy) But it was just fine the way --
Crow: (Drak) No. We must include Beth, Frankie, and Howler.

"How?"
"Good question.

Tom: Something is desperately wrong with your story when the biggest challenge facing the protagonists is how they're going to increase their need for people to carry out a plan so that it matches their current supply.

We'll need to update them about what's going on."
"Okay; basically we have two evil vamps: Very powerful...one of them put the bite on me already," Buffy started.
"Vampires? In here?" Beth asked.

Crow: (Buffy) Hmm. This one's kinda slow. Better get her some visual aids.

Buffy nodded, "The plan was to let the leader bite me

Tom: Hey, "bite me"! My feelings exactly, story!

and then Drak would take him out."
"'Take him out'?" Howler asked. "You mean, kill him?!"

Mike: (Buffy) No, I mean see a movie with him and stop for burgers on the way back, what do you think?

"Yeah," Drak answered.
"He's vulnerable while he feeds...all vamps are."

Crow: So the story is 100% exposition, right up to the very end, huh?

"What we could use is some back-up," Drak said. "If something was to go wrong with the plan, there would have to be someone that can pull Buffy out of danger before she dies, or becomes a vampire, herself."

Tom: (Drak) And we can't choose from the pool of characters who actually appear on ReBoot because they have cooties.

"That would be nice," Buffy admitted.
"'Cause, first and formost,

Mike: (Drak) I've got fifty bucks riding on this fight.

I don't want either one to happen to her. But also, I won't have to keep a terrible promice that I just made to Buffy," Drak smiled at the Slayer.

Crow: (Drak) I don't want to have to take out the garbage.

"The promise lasts as long as my life, Drak!" Buffy warned him.
"What promice, Drak?" Frankie asked.

Tom: Look, if you want to know that bad, why don't you just go back and re-read it yourself, okay?

"I promised that if she ever was turned to a vampire I'd do everything in my power to kill her." Drak gulped. He hated that promice that Buffy forced him to make.

Mike: Wow, where did this come from?
Crow: Man, you think you've got this story figured out, then they throw a surprise like this at you.

His mind knew that he had to do it, if it ever occurred, but his heart ached to find a better solution.

Tom: Perhaps he could recycle her into environmentally-friendly products.

Buffy smiled at him, "If it makes it easier, I'll be a b-tch to you before I go face Chimera."

Crow: Look, stop with the fill-in-the-blanks! We all know what you're talking about!

"No. I would know in my heart that you don't mean it.

Mike: (Buffy) Oh no. I actually really hate you.

I'll keep my promice, Buffy. If you become a vampire, my sword will find your heart. But I will not pretend that it doesn't hurt me."

Tom: (Buffy) Damn it, I made you promise!

She hugged him tightly, tears falling down her cheeks, "And, uh, look after Angel if that happens?"

Crow: (Buffy) He gets a bowl of kibble every morning, and walk him once a week.

"I will," Drak smiled.

Mike: (Buffy) You seem a little too happy about the idea of me dying there Drak.

She nodded, "Thank you."
Drak smiled at her, then turned toward Frankie and Howler.
"The Drak Pack --together again!" he grinned, holding his hand out to them.

Tom: (Drak) Let's go make some children cry for old time's sake!

Each put a hand over his.
Buffy smiled as she watched them.

Crow: (Buffy) Duh. . .

"You bet, Drak!" Howler grinned.
"Yeah!" Frankie added.

Mike: "Yes!" Drak agreed.
Tom: "Uh huh!" Angel extrapolated.
Crow: "You bet!" Beth expounded.

Beth smiled at them.

Tom: (Beth) Duh. . .

"What do you two turn into?" Jo Ann asked Frankie and Howler.

Mike: As though she hadn't watched the show.

They grinned at her, "Shall we?"
"Why not?" Drak smiled. "Can you guys do it without the Drak Wack?

(Stunned silence for just a moment.)

Crow: Please tell me we're not reading this! Please tell me it was a ridiculous typo or the product of an evil, hateful spell-checker!

I can do it on my own, now." He changed back into "Biker Mode" to show them.
"Nice."
"Thanks. Can you do it without the Drak Wack, though?" Drak asked again.

Crow: (panicked) It's there again. Oh my God. Jo Ann willingly wrote in a show that used the term "the Drak Wack". There's nothing good in the universe anymore, is there?

"Oh yeah..." they both smiled.
"But let's do it with the Drak Wack, anyway," Frankie grinned.

Tom: Well, if it involves severely beating Drak, I'm all for it.
Mike: I doubt we'll be that lucky.

"For old-times sake?" Howler added.
Drak smiled, "Sure!"
"Okay. Andri, this is how I used to change from 'Biker Mode' to 'Vampire Mode',"

Mike: (Andri) Hmm? What? Bikes? Someone mentioned bikes! What about bikes?!

To Frankie and Howler he said. "She calls my human form, 'Biker Mode'. She and AndrAIa loves motorcycles and bikers."

Crow: To Andri he said, "I had to explain what I meant by 'Biker Mode' to them since it was a phrase you made up and they wouldn't understand." To Frankie and Howler he said, "I told her why I had to explain that to you so that she'd understand why an explanation was in order."

"Its just a thing," the teen game sprite smiled,

Tom: (Andri) I don't have much of a character, so I take whatever I can get.

"Oh: I'm a Slayer,too, boys."

Mike: (Andri) Not that it'll make any difference in the story.

"For Mainframe," Buffy smiled. Frankie and Howler looked impressed.
Andri smiled broadly at them, winking slightly.

Crow: So she half-closed one eye? Didn't think the situation called for complete eye closure?
Tom: (Andri) I want them to know that I'm winking, but I don't want to seem too winkish.

"Let's do it, guys," Drak smiled. The three faced each other.

Mike: And. . . whack!

As one, they gave each other a three-way high-five. There was a flash of light.

Crow: Hey, they're the cool super heroes for today's generation!

Right before the eyes of the Mainframers and the Sunnydale gang, Frankie

Tom: Became Frankenstein's monster?

grew a little taller, turned green, and gained a pair of neck bolts. Howler

Tom: Became a werewolf?

grew brown fur, long ears, a wolf's muzzle, and a tail. Drak

Tom: Became a vampire.

regained his black armor and sword.

Tom: Servo: 3 Jo Ann: Zip.

Oz grinned, "Hey, another werewolf!"
"'Another' werewolf?!?" Howler exclaimed, looking over at Oz.

Mike: (Howler) Wow, you came right out of Limbo!
Crow: (Oz) It's a gift of mine.

"I'm a werewolf too," the guitarist explained.
"You are?" Now, Howler was interested. He never thought he'd meet another werewolf. He went over to Oz.

Mike: I call no crotch-sniffing jokes.

Oz nodded, "My little cousin got bit; and he bit me and soo..."
"Wow!" Howler exclaimed.

Crow: (Howler) Did he pick you up? It would've been cool if he'd picked you up!

"Only, he's a full werewolf, Howler," Drak explained.
Willow smiled, "He only goes wolfy during the full-moon."
"Oh. I'm a half-werewolf, myself. I can control when and where the change happens."

Tom: (Howler) If only I could say the same about my blood lust.

"You don't happen to crave meat in a very big way, do you?" Cordy asked.
"No. Like me, the human part of him keeps him from going ballistic when he's a werewolf," Drak explained.

Mike: (Howler) Actually, I was going to say that --

Cordy grinned, "Cool..."
"I always thought that, if there was someone like Frankie in Sunnydale, they'd have their own Drak Pack," Drak smiled.
Buffy laughed.

Crow: (Buffy) He thinks we'd want something like that! That's so cute!

"Well, you had the vampire and the werewolf," Drak grinned. "All you needed was someone like Frankie."

Tom: Umm, yeah, we get it.
Crow: Do you get the feeling that the authors think we're stupid and they have to explain everything to us twice?

"There was one guy who did a Dr. Frankenstein on us..." Buffy rememebered.
"He did?" Drak asked. There was a lot he had to learn about what had gone on in the Hellmouth before he had arrived.

Mike: Fortunately a friend of his bootlegged him almost all the season three episodes.

"Yeah, his brother died and he managed to do the monster thing with
the corpse."

Mike: And then he did the Monster Mash.

"Did it work?"
"Yeah. He even tried to create a bride --tried to use Cordy's head."
"I'm glad that didn't succeed!" Drak grinned at Cordy.

Tom: (Hacker X) You would be dead if that had succeeded ha ha ha!
Crow: Never do that again.

"Not as glad as I am!" Cordy shuddered.
The meal was over.

Mike: Hey, they got it down to twenty pages! That's a new record for them, isn't it?

The Mainframers now got up to meet the three newcomers.

Tom: (Phong) Oh, are we still in this story?

"Hello there."
"Hi," Bob said.
They exchanged introductions, but Giles still hadn't spoken to Beth.

Crow: And so, the death of Chimera and of this story must be postponed because the authors feel like doing a little skit about prejudice.

"Giles," Buffy whispered. "Where's your manners? Say something to her!"
Giles shot her a "do be quiet" look.
Meanwhile, Matrix and Frankie had gotten into a friendly game of arm wrestling.

Mike: No projectile weapons allowed. Just a friendly match.

"C'mon Matrix; you gotta beat him after I whupped your butt!" Buffy laughed.
"You beat him?!?" Frankie asked, still locked with Matrix in the arm wrestler's pose.

Tom: Fine, I speak for all males everywhere when I acknowledge that we are inferior to females in every possible respect. Now can we please find something else to fixate on, story?

"I am the Slayer, remember!"
"Actually, we tied," Matrix said, pushing Frankie's arm toward the table. "But we both got hurt."

Crow: I dunno, Mike. The end of the story is looming up closer and closer. Exactly how many times do you think they're going to try to repeat what's already happened?
Mike: Until the story's over. No shorter.

"Okay, okay. Schemantics!" Buffy chuckled.
"She beat Turbo, though," Matrix said. With a final strong push, Matrix slammed Frankie's arm down, the winner of the match.

Tom: I wonder what the outline for this story looked like.
Crow: A) Buffy and friends arrive in Mainframe. B) They look around the Principle Office. C) Buffy fights Matrix. D) People show up. E) Jo Ann has a baby. F) See D. G) See C. H) See F. I) Dot has a baby (See E). J) See H. K) See G.

Buffy clapped her hands, "Way to go, Matrix!"
"Nice match," Frankie smiled, holding out his hand to the renagade.

Mike: And he slammed it to the table again!
Tom: (Frankie) No, we're done! I wanted to shake! Owwie. . .

Matrix grinned, "Yeah," he took the hand.

Crow: Now pick him up! C'mon!

Jo Ann held Azura as she watched the two shake hands. Dot held Jade, while Bob held Rob.

Mike: Thank God the children are being held!

"Okay; time?" Buffy asked.
"About 1:00 PM," Bob said.

Tom: (Bob) Wanna see some Twilight Zone re-runs?

She pulled a face.
"Sorry, Buffy," Bob smiled.
"What's wrong with her?" Howler asked.

Crow: Hey, she just pulled her face! Try to show a little more compassion for the injured!

"Why not ask me?" People talking over her head always bugged Buffy.

Mike: I just feel so sorry for Buffy.
Tom: Jo Ann just keeps trying to bring her down with her mis-shapen universe and cookie cutter characters.
Crow: At least she's still fighting back. That's more than you can say for Phong or Bob or any of them.

"Okay. What's wrong with you?" Frankie asked.
"I'm anxious to slay!"

Crow: (Buffy) It's been five hundred pages and I haven't killed a damned thing! Why did you bring me into this story if nothing's ever going to happen?

"Chimera," Drak said. "Sit down, guys. We have a lot to tell you, and not much time to tell it in."
They sat down and were filled in.
Nothing was left out.

Tom: You know, for the first time ever I have a deep feeling of empathy for Jo Ann's characters.
Crow: Those poor bastards. . .

Even the birth of the babies, the attack by the vamped Guardians, and the little episode Buffy and Drak had fighting Chimera and Dash.

Mike: Yes, they explained all three things that have happened so far!

Beth and the guys absorbed the informartion.
They looked to Jo Ann.
"She's from our world?" Howler asked.

Crow: Yep, believe it or not.

Jo Ann nodded.
"This is my husband, Wild Card," she smiled, indicating the bounty hunter.

Tom: (Wild Card) Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. . . she can read your mind, don't let her know you're afraid. . .

"And this is our daughter, Azura." The blue child gurgled in Jo Ann's arms.

Mike: (Howler) Your kid's kinda brain-dead and zombie-like.

"She's lovely."

Crow: Speaking of zombie-like. . .

"Thanks," Jo Ann smiled.
Beth smiled, "The child has been blessed."

Tom: (Beth) She has the mark of the Self-Insertionist. She shall know nothing but happiness mixed with brief bursts of slight inconvenience.

"Yes. As have Jade and Rob." Jo Ann showed them the other two babies being held by Dot and Bob.
"I can feel it..."

Mike: (Beth) It feels like a deus ex machina. . .

"Who blessed them?" Frankie asked.
"I did," Jenny stood and smiled
"Jenny Calender?" Beth asked in surprise.

Crow: (Beth) Well hey, you've been in this room the whole time but I didn't notice you until it was convenient for the authors! Ha ha!

"Or Janna Kalderash..." She added.
"How long has it been, Janna?" Beth asked.
"Not long; since just before I left for Sunnydale."
"You know each other?" Drak asked.

Tom: It's sharp insights like these that tell you why Drak was named the leader of the Drak Pack.

"Yes; but I never told your aunt I was to be guardian of the curse."
"What curse?" Frankie asked.

Mike: (David Bowie) The curse with the power.
Crow: What power?
Mike: (David Bowie) The power of voodoo.
Crow: Who do?
Mike: (David Bowie) You do!
Crow: Do What?
Mike: (David Bowie) Remind me of the babe! (singing) I saw my baby. . . crying hard as babes could cry. . .

"Angel's."
"What did the curse say?"

Tom: "Cars without valid parking permit will be towed."

"Its the curse for his soul."
Now, Willow explained about the curse and how it effected Angel. She told them of the time Angel had lost his

Crow: Virginity!

soul

Crow: Oh. Same story then.

--without telling them how he lost it.

Tom: But she kinda hinted at it, just enough so the kids wouldn't pick up on it.

She told him about Jenny and the race to restore his soul. Then, she went on to tell about the doorway to Hell, and the duel, explaining how she had restored Angel's soul to him, but too late.

Mike: So, mouth of Hell, loss of souls, dueling with demons -- quality family fare. Two people who love each other very much having sex -- evil, filthy, and not to be discussed.

Buffy had to send him through to save the world. Finally, she told of his miraculous return.
"How did you lose you soul?" Beth asked.
"Let's not go into details, Aunt Beth," Angel blushed.

All: Too late.

"Oh..." she shrugged.
Turbo and Monitor strode up to the three newcomers.
"Ah'm Turbo," he introduced himself.
"The Prime Guardian," Jo Ann smiled.

Crow: You know, these people NEED to get a game of Super Smash Brothers going.
Tom: Something to pass the time so they don't feel they have to trudge through the same old crap over and over.

"Pleased to meet you," Beth said.
"Buffy beat you?!" Frankie asked.
Turbo nodded.
"You would have loved to have seen it!" Drak smiled.

Mike: Oh come on. She didn't even pick him up!

Beth laughed, "Slayers are decpetively strong..."

Crow: Is this Buffy's new catch phrase? What's the deal here?

"Angel and I sparred with her, but there was no clear winner there, either," Drak smiled.
"I can take Angel!" Buffy teased.
"You couldn't take me, though," Drak teased back.
"Wanna bet?"

Tom: Okay. Here we go.
Mike: C'mon! Kill Drak! Kill him!

Howler senced that they would not get anywhere with the vitals if Drak and Buffy got into a sparring match.
"Save your energy for Chimera," he said. "What part do you need us for?"
Buffy chuckled, "Dunno...ask vamp boy..."

Crow: (Buffy) It was his stupid idea to bring you here in the first place. We could've had this wrapped up about ten pages ago, but noooo. . .

"Thanks a lot, Buffy!" Drak retorted.

Tom: Oooo, a stunning blow to Buffy!

She grinned at him, "You're welcome," she said in a super-sweet voice.

Mike: Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
Crow: Wow, Slayers really are masters of witty come-backs!

"Frankie is super-strong, and can get stronger if he gets real angry. He also has electircal powers that come out of his neck bolts.

Tom: Frankenstein's monster didn't have any neat powers, so we're just making some up.
Mike: And Mary Shelley continues to roll in her grave.

Howler has all the powers of a werewolf, including super-hearing and a super-nose.

Crow: Great! So in the final confrontation with Chimera, he can tell us what kind of deodorant he uses!

His howling can also shatter things."

Tom: Sheluby.

"Neat," The Slayer seemed duely impressed.

Mike: So not impressed at all then?

"Any idea on how we can use that for this plan?" Drak asked.

Crow: (Buffy) Sure. They stay here and we go nuke the Tor.
Tom: You know, Drak, when you noted that we sure could use their help with this plan, you kind of gave us the impression that you had some idea how they might be useful.

Buffy shrugged, "Perhaps Frankie can wrest me from Chim's grip if you can't dust him for some reason?"
"Good. What about Howler?"

Mike: (Drak) C'mon. We're not leaving until we've found a way for everyone here to be a part of this plan.
Tom: Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snickers.

As everyone looked toward the half-werewolf, they saw Moonsong come up to him and offer a paw. Howler took the paw in his own paw.

Crow: Hey! Get a driveway, you two!

"How cute!"
"Moonsong says that he and I could set up as commincations," Howler told them.

Mike: (Howler) We could install an ISDN line, set up an internal network for you. . .

Jo Ann looked at Howler in surprise.
"How can you--?"
"In here," Howler smiled, pointing to his head.

Tom: (British accent) I've got an idea forming in my head.

"For some reason, I can hear his thoughts, and he can hear mine."
"But how? Only Bob, Dot, and I have that ability!" Jo Ann said.

Crow: (Jo Ann, whiny) That's my super power! You can't have it! That's not fair!

"Weird," Buffy smiled.
Moonsong, how can Howler speak to you with telepathy? Jo Ann asked.
He and I are both wolves, Moon Wolf, Moonsong answered.

Mike: Oh. Of course. How stupid of us.

Let me test something. I will ask Howler a question, and you tell Howler the answer.

Tom: What, so Jo Ann doesn't trust them?
Crow: It's just so hard for her to accept that there are other people with super powers.

Alright.
"Howler, I want to test something. I'll ask you a question, and you get the answer from Moonsong. Okay?"
"Sure" Howler smiled.

(Tom sighs.)

Crow: You know, I bet Pearl isn't even watching anymore. We could just slip out and. . .
Mike: C'mon. Something's got to happen soon.
Tom: Uh huh. I bet they'll write that on our tombstones.

"Okay, then," Jo Ann smiled back at him. "What is my Net Native name?"

Crow: (Howler) Umm, I'd like to use a life line, Regis.

Howler asked Moonsong the question.
It is Moon Wolf, because I am her personal Totem, Moonsong told Howler.
"Moon Wolf," Howler smiled.
"That's right!" Jo Ann smiled.

Mike: (Jo Ann) You've now advanced to the $64,000 plateau.

Howler grinned, "Told ya."
"There's our comminications network," Bob smiled.

Tom: Does a plan like "stab the virus before he eats Buffy" really need a communications network?

"Moonsong can go with you. Through Jo and Howler's telepathic link to Moonsong, we'll be able to communicate with each other,

Crow: (Bob) We can send each other secret messages!

even if something happens to the monitors. And it can be done silently."
"Great!" Buffy smiled.
"Do you think we will need the other Totem Animals?" Jo Ann asked.

Mike: (Jo Ann) And by that I mean "Change your plan to include the other Totem Animals."

Buffy shook her head,

Tom: You know, I've always liked Buffy.
Crow: She's a hero to us all.

"Drak and I were gonna do this alone. We should be fine..." if its just Chimera, she added silently.
"With Frankie, Howler, and Moonsong hidden until needed, of course," Drak said.

Mike: (Bob) And we'll, uh. . . we'll just hang back here, okay?

"I'm not going in without them." He watched as Howler stroked the wolf's chrome fur.
"We don't really need Moonsong along with us," Buffy said.

Tom: Yeah! You tell 'em!

"Moonsong is our link to the PO, Buffy," Drak said.
"Oh, I thought Howler could contact Moonsong, and Moonsong could contact Jo.

Crow: So did we, Buffy. So did we.

What if he gets hurt?"
"Moonsong --and all the Totem Animals-- are immortal," Jo Ann explained.

Mike: Well, what the -- why aren't they the ones dealing with the viruses?
Tom: Well, they're immortal all-powerful spirits, but they just don't work well under pressure.

"And suppose Howler's telepathy with Moonsong doesn't work over long distances? I know that Moonsong's does, but Howler's may not."

Crow: Okay. And we're bringing Howler along because. . . ?

"Okay," Buffy smiled.
"Sir!" the Guardian at the monitors called to Turbo. "There seems to be viral activity on Baudway!"

Mike: (Turbo) Well, call back when you know what it is.

"But, it's too early for Chimera and Pixil to be out!" Enzo said.
"It's Dash!" the Guardian said.
"She must be bored," Dot guessed.

Tom: She must have tried reading this story.

Now, Beth, Frankie and Howler got their first look at Dash. They looked to Dot, then to Dash, then back to Dot in bewilderment.

Crow: It's so crunchy you'll do a triple-take!
Mike: Dot's so nice they looked at her twice!

Dot chuckled, "She's my clone."

Tom: (Dot) Having an evil twin is such a hoot!
Crow: (singing) My evil twin. . . bad weather friend. . .

"And she's viral. Infected by a virus named Megabyte. Megabyte has since been deleted.

Mike: Which explains why she's still infected.

She's Chimera's woman, now," AndrAIa explained.
"And she's after Dot and me," Jo Ann added.
"Nice girl," Beth commented wryly. "Why?"

Crow: (Jo Ann) 'Cause they're evil and stuff.

"Because Dot and I deleted Megabyte," Jo Ann answered.
"Oh; vengeance gig. What does her new fella make of that?"
"He's helping her. He and his sister, Pixil are after Jo Ann," Bob said.

Tom: (Bob) So, anyway, I guess we should do something about the--

"Oh; he can't like the fact she wants revenge for her Ex's death though," Beth pondered. "Hmm...could we use that to our advantage?"

Mike: We've already got a plan! Why are people still trying to add things to the plan?

"That's not it," Wild Card said, putting his arms around Jo Ann.
"What else?"
"There was a super virus named Daemon," Bob said.

Crow: She was a super virus, super virus, she was super viral.

"She was so powerful, that even the Guardians --who could not normally be infected-- was infected by her.

Tom: Oh they was, was they?
Crow: I thought they said they explained everything already! Not a detail was left out, remember?

Only Wild Card, Matrix and I escaped her. When Jo Ann first appeared in Mainframe --long before she became a Guardian-- she singlehandedly defeated and deleted Deamon, freeing the Guardians from Deamon's infection."

Mike: (Beth) Self-insert, huh?

"Yes, and?" the vampiric woman crossed her legs and smoothed her long black hair, her movements feline.

Tom: If she breaks into the Meow Mix song. . . (shudders)

"Deamon was Chimera and Pixil's mother," Bob finished.

Crow: Okay story. I hate you.

"Oh; vengeance gig for them too."
"Yes. With JoJo

Tom: Getting back to where she once belonged.

as the main target, as far as the vamps go, anyway," Matrix said.
"Wonderful."

Mike: (Beth) So we have nothing to worry about. Smashing!

"Which is why I need to be ready to make a portal at a nano's notice," Jo Ann said. "If things go terribly wrong, I may be able to distract Chimera."
"Jo Ann!" Buffy sounded alarmed.

Crow: (Buffy) Look, stop adding to the plan! Everything's going fine as it is!

Wild Card looked at his bride in fear.

Mike: Of course, he always did that, so. . .

"You can't, Jo!" Buffy told her.

Tom: (Buffy) We need you to be at the keyboard, hacking out plot devices to save us!

"I've got to. I may be your final chance for survival."
"Don't worry about me; I've died before!"
"Her Guardian protocals have started up," Bob said simply.

Mike: (Bob) Glad mine haven't.

"What?!" Xander asked.
"For the past eight minutes --months, User time-- Jo Ann's Guardian protocals have been kept dorment inside her while she was preganent with Azura,"

Crow: (Bob) Guardian protocols are like a storm raging inside you. . .

Bob explained. "This was so that she wouldn't be running off into game cubes and other Guardian duties that are dangerous. Now, she has had her baby.

Tom: (Bob) So she's dumping it in a day care center and pursuing her career again.

The 'unborn' is no longer in danger, and the protocals have begun to reassert themselves. She is becoming User Guardian One again."

Crow: Is that anything like Airforce One?

"Wonderful; so she's gonna go all 'Pink Ranger' on us?" Buffy frowned.

Mike: We don't like it any more than you do, Buffy.
Crow: Man, we thought we had it bad trying to read this. She's stuck in there!

"She is a Guardian," Bob said. "Her reactions are those of a Guardian. She can't act otherwise."

Tom: (Buffy) So why aren't you acting like that?
Mike: (Bob) No questions from this point on.

"So, in short, that's a yeah?"
"Yeah," Bob smiled.
Buffy groaned.
"Don't worry," Jo Ann smiled. "The virals won't catch me.

Crow: (Jo Ann) I'm the author.

I'll pop in long enough to distract them and allow you all to escape. Then, I'll pop back to the PO."
Buffy raised an eyebrow, "Don't do the hero stuff;

Tom: It's like asking a hungry bear not to maul you.

its dangerous and stupid --I know that. I just ignore it, which doesn't mean you should too!"
"I can't go against my programing, Buffy," Jo Ann said. "A Guardian's gotta do, what a Guardian's gotta do."

Mike: So anyway, about that viral activity on Baudway. . .

Buffy shrugged, "Can I twist that quote and throw it at Giles?"
"If you want," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (Giles) You know, I'm standing right here.

Giles frowned.

Crow: Umm, innocent people are dying. Hello?

"Of course, wheater or not I distract Chimera depends on the success of your plan," Jo Ann reminded Buffy.
Buffy smiled, "I'm not exactly plan girl, but I think its a good one!"

Tom: You know, if this had been Megabyte they were dealing with, he would've swooped in, nabbed some supplies, built a doomsday device, and used it to take over the PO by the time these guys were done figuring out how to get Frisket involved in a plan to stop him.
Mike: Absolutely.
Crow: Goes without saying.

"Drak," Wild Card said, "not just for Buffy's sake, but for Jo's sake, too --dust Chimera a good one!"

Tom: (Phong) And for the sake of the system, all its people?
Mike: (Wild Card) Uh, yeah, them too.

Drak grinned.
"I'll do my very best," Drak said.
Buffy smiled at him, "I know you will."

Crow: (Buffy) I read ahead.

"We will do our best, Drak," Howler smiled.
"Yeah!"

Mike: (Buffy) Xander, you're not even IN the plan.
Tom: (Xander) I just want to feel useful again. . .

"What are we going to do about Dash?" Willow asked, watching the viral clone on the monitor.

Tom: (Willow) She's sort of already killed everyone in the sector.

"Lemme at her?" Buffy begged.
"She's not a vampire," Xander reminded her.
"I know that! I just wanna pummel something!"

Crow: Pummel Jo Ann! C'mon!

"Should we let her?" Bob asked Giles.
Giles allowed himself a proud smile, "She is good at pummelling."

Mike: (Giles) First in her class at Pummel Tech.

"Okay, Buffy," Bob said. "You can go 'pummel' Dash. But if things start to get serious out there,

Tom: 'Cause, you know, as it is nothing in this story is particularly serious right now.

I'm sending someone to get you and bring you back. Okay?"
"Thank you!" Buffy hugged him, "Lemme at her!"

Crow: (Scrappy Doo) Lemme at 'er! Lemme at 'er! I'll splat that dumb old viral clone!
Mike: Crow? If you ever do Scrappy Doo again, I will break you down into your component elements.
Crow: Sorry. . . Just got a little carried away. . .

Bob grinned and openned a portal to Baudway.
"Hey there!" Buffy smiled as she emerged.
Dash turned to face the Slayer.

Tom: (Dash) Oh, so I'm still in this story?

This gave the binomes that Dash was terriorizing a chance to get to safety.
"Y'know, you're not exactly fighting fair."
The binomes watched the confrontation.

Mike: (Binome) Hey guys! Let's stand here and endanger ourselves!

"Slayer..." Dash smiled.
"We meet again, or is that too cliche'?" Buffy said.

Crow: Oh, why stop now?

"My dear, you are the quintessential cliche -- heroic, self-sacrificing...blonde..."

Tom: (Dash) No wait, that's a golden retriever.

"Clitches aren't bad things. In fact, clitches are retro.

Mike: Clichés, on the other hand. . .

And retro is so in right now!" Buffy smiled, watching Dash for a weak spot the Slayer could attack.
Dash gave her an odd look,

Crow: (Dash) What the heck's a clitch?

"Strange child..." the virus muttered

Mike: Just try sitting through a story with her.

"You heal quickly. Wasn't it just last night that Drak injured your arms so that they were useless?" Buffy asked.

Crow: (Buffy) Or. . . wait. . . we haven't been planning THAT long, have we?

"I've always been fast like that," Dash smiled. "Thanks for your concern."
There's got to be a way to get to her, Buffy thought.

Tom: Try killing her!

"So, how's that cutie-pie honey of yours?" Dash purred.
"Angel? Doing very well, thanks."

Mike: (Minnewegian) He's just got that bug goin' around. He'll be on his feet real soon.
Crow: (Minnewegian) You know, my Dale got that just last week, the poor dear.
Tom: (Minnewegian) It helps if you drink a lot of tomato juice.

"Good...I'd hate to see him get hurt..."
"Not that he would want you. Besides, what about that creep, Chimera? I thought he was your man --uh-- vamp!"
"Chimera and I have.. an understanding..."

Mike: (Dash) I can see whoever I want, but I have to save the blood for him.

"An 'understanding'?" Buffy asked.
"Your little cheerleading mind couldn't possibly conprehend, dearie."

Crow: (Buffy) Oh, so you have a free-wheeling relationship that allows you to both see other people as long as the attraction to others is purely physical and doesn't interfere with your more personal, possesive feelings of each other which are based on blood supply as well as mutual caring for your partner.
Tom: (Dash) Er. . . yes.

"I comprehend more then you think," Buffy smiled.

Tom: (Buffy) For one thing, I know how to spell "comprehend".

"Perhaps, child..." Dash approached one of the binomes who was watching Buffy too intently to pay any attention to the virus. She grabbed him,

(Laughter)

Mike: What?
Crow: So, when all the binomes went "to safety", they just stood around waiting to be grabbed.

"Ahh yes, you'll make an excellent feeder."
"Not today!" Buffy screamed.

Tom: (Buffy) That one's not till Sunday!

With all her Slayer strength and speed, Buffy snatched the binome away from Dash, desposited him in a safe place

Crow: As Dash. . . stood there?
Mike: So what's this "safe place"? Where is this scene taking place? What's going on?

and turned to face the viral again.
Dash shot her an irritated glare; "Do you have any idea how picky Chimera is about his feeders?! Its going to take a while to find another one like him."

Tom: Why don't you just walk over and pick him up again?

"Chimera won't be feeding on anybody while I'm around!" Buffy shot back.
"Don't count on it, child."

Crow: I don't care what Buffy thinks. Cliches are bad things.

The heck with trying to get on HER nerves! Buffy fummed. Closing the gap between them, the blond Slayer threw a punch that knocked Dash against the wall of billboards behind Dot's Diner.

Mike: All right. Here we go.

Dash picked herself up, "Nice right hook you got there."

Tom: She's got dynamite up her sleeve.

She kicked Buffy hard in the jaw, sending the Slayer staggering back.
Buffy recovered, then kicked Dash with a roundhouse kick

Crow: So she didn't kick her with a punch?

that sent her to just in front of an open manhole. Dash staggered back and fell in.

Mike: (muted trumpets) Wah wah wah waaaaah. . .

There was a loud splash as Dash fell into the Mainframe sewers.

Tom: (Dash) No! That's a permit-required confined space! AAAUGH!

Buffy smirked as she waited for Dash to return, but she did not.
As she waited, Buffy leaned against the diner, buffing her nails and whistling a little pop tune.

Mike: (Buffy, singing) Let me tell you a story 'bout Scary Ned. . . scarriest guy to ever wet a Bed. . .

Still, Dash did not reemerge.

Mike: Why is this playing out like a Bugs Bunny cartoon?
Crow: It's like she's Elmer Fudd waiting for Bugs to come out while he sneaks up behind him.

Carefully, Buffy went over to the manhole and looked in. There was no sign of Dash.
Behind her, there came a muffled scream.
Buffy turned toward the sound.
Just in time to see Dash disappear with the binome.

Tom: Well, score one for evil.

"NO!!!!!!" Buffy screamed. "BOBBBBB!!!!!"
The portal opened.

Mike: And Bob was shot into the Web.

Buffy stormed into it.
Angel was by her side in a heartbeat, "Buffy..."
"I should've just hit the b---h when I came out of the portal!" Buffy fumed.

Crow: Well, that's what we've been telling you!

Angel wrapped an arm about her waist. "Don't worry, Buffy..."
"Yeah," Drak said. "We'll get Chimera tonight!"
"I'm still mad, guys..."

Tom: (Buffy) It just gets on my nerves when an innocent person gets killed.

"Then save your anger for Chimera," Matrix said.
Buffy was tempted to lash out verbally at Matrix

Mike: (Buffy) It's all your fault I was too stupid to actually kill her!

but sighed instead.
"Tonight, for all the lives he's taken, Chimera dies!" Oz snarled.

Crow: (Oz) Or maybe tomorrow night. You know, whenever we get around to it.

"Uh, oh," Willow said. "Sound like it might be that time of the month again!"
Buffy glanced at her feet, trying very hard not to laugh, "D'ya have any idea how weird that sounds when you're talking about a guy?!"

Tom: Umm, not at all?

"Yeah, but if it is that time of the month, we gotta do something. Unlike Howler, Oz can't control himself as a werewolf," Willow said.

Crow: Oz is getting to be kind of a load.

"We need some chains..." Buffy told Bob.
"Or something to lock him up in," Willow said.

Mike: Why don't they just send him back to Limbo?

"Anything strong."
"But no muzzle," Xander said. "He draws the line at muzzles."

Tom: (Oz) So why'd you even bring me in this story if I'm not allowed to talk for myself?

"And it needs to last for three days --seconds," Cordy put in.
"Any ideas where we can get restraints, chains etc.," she smirked slightly. "Without raiding Pixil and Dash's closets?"

Crow: Well, we could check Jo Ann and Wild Card's.

Giles looked scandalised.
"Stasis field, sugah?" Mouse suggested.

Mike: (Giles) No thanks. Trying to cut down.

She held out the hand on which she had a gold ring, a stylized mouse carved onto the flat surface.
"Stasis what?"
"Stasis field," Mouse smiled.

Tom: (Giles) What field?
Crow: (Mouse) Stasis field! Stasis field.

>From out of the ring came coils of energy, wrapping Oz in a black and neon green cacoon.
"Hey!" Oz protested.
"Cool!" Xander grinned.

Crow: (Xander) Now make them squeeze him!

"How strong is it?" Buffy asked.
"Strong enough ta hold even Frankie foh several seconds

Mike: But made for a woman.

--User days," Mouse answered.
Buffy grinned, "Should work; now I won't have to go robbing viral bedrooms..."

Crow: Angel looks on, oddly disappointed.

"Do you have to be wearing the ring for the stasis to work?" Drak asked.
"No, Ah don'..."

Tom: (Drak) Then can I wear it?

"Good. Now, where are we going to put him for the next three --uh-- seconds?" Drak asked.
"We can use one of the holding cells," Dot smiled.

Crow: (Dot) Or we could just put him in Frisket's pet taxi.

"Okay. Let's take him there," Buffy said. "Sorry, Oz, this is for your, ours, and Mainframe's own good."
Oz shrugged, "Long as you let me out at daylight..."

Tom: (Oz) Hey, it's better than Limbo.

"Yeah. The change only happens at night," Willow said.
"Some werewolves have all the luck!" Oz gave Howler a half-grin, which the half-werewolf returned in kind.

Crow: (Howler) Ha ha. They're not locking me up.

Willow hugged Oz, "I wouldn't leave you all alone down there."
"I know, baby..."
"What time is it, Bob?" Buffy asked.

Mike: You know, they've asked for the time more often than they've done something to fight the viruses in this story!

"4:30, Buffy."
"Which means it's how much time until night?"

Tom: Can't you figure anything out by yourself? Grow a sense of independance!

"About two hours 'til sunset."
"Should we take him down, now?" Cordy asked.
Buffy looked at the others, "Sounds like the ditz has a point."
"Oz..." Willow looked at the werewolf gutairest.

Crow: (Willow) Kennel.

"Yes, baby?"
"Would you mind being put in the holding cell, now?"
Oz smiled, "Two hours early?"

Mike: He's so excited to be in a new holding cell.

"Yeah. Just to be on the safe side?"
He pulled a face. "Okay..."
As Willow and a few of the Guardians took Oz to the holding cell, Buffy and the others decided to fine-tune their trap a little more.

Tom: Because there's so many details of "stab the virus before he eats Buffy" that they have to work out.

"We know what we are going to do, but where are we going to do it?" Buffy asked.
"I dunno," Drak shrugged. "Let him come to us?"
"How about Floating Point Park?" Bob suggested.
"No," Matrix said.

Crow: (Matrix) We always use Floating Point Park. Let's go somewhere fun for a change.

"Buffy isn't used to heights."
"Kit's Sector, then?"
"As the clueless one where geography goes, allow me to say: Huh?" Buffy looked from Bob to Matrix.
"Floating Point Park is that piece of land that hovers above Mainframe.

Mike: You know, the one where everyone always goes when they want to do something.

Kit's Sector is the docks," Bob said.
"Oh..."
"Where do you think?" Matrix asked.

Tom: Does it matter? Just pick a place!

"Umm.. I think letting him come to me is a good idea; so he doesn't know he's being set up?"
"But not here at the PO. He won't come to the Principal Office," AndrAIa said.

Crow: (AndrAIa) We have pest strips out.

"I know...I'll go patrol," she smiled.
"Go along the docks in Kit's Sector," Bob said. "Drak and the others can hide somewhere and keep an eye on you.

Mike: (Bob) Then, when Chimera opens the door, we all say "Surprise!" and sing "Happy Birthday".

That way, Drak can be ready to attack when the time comes."
Buffy nodded, "Okay...sounds good..."
"Should we eat something before we go out?" Frankie asked.

Tom: (Buffy) Nah, we can just stop at Taco Bell on the way back.

"I am kinda hungry," Buffy admitted.
"Yeah," Cordy smiled. "We better feed the Vampire Slayers before we feed the vampires!"
Buffy gave her a "Thanks for the vote of confidense" look.
"Can you fix anything in less then a hour, Mouse?" Drak asked.

Crow: (Drak) Think you can crank us out a few steaks, sweet cheeks?

"Take-out from the diner?" Dot suggested.
"Good idea!" Buffy smiled.
Dot ordered burgers and fries all round.

Mike: But there's no pasta for the women! Don't they get to eat?

For Beth and Angel, it was another call to the butcher shop.

Crow: (Butcher) Not that it's any of my business, but what exactly have you guys been doing over there lately?

"I still don't like it, Buffy..." Angel told her
"Like what?" she asked.

Tom: (Angel) This digital blood. It tastes like battery fluid.

"This plan, Buffy..."
"If you have a better one, you have less then two hours to lay it on us," Buffy smiled.

Mike: (Angel) Why don't we just nuke the Tor?
Crow: (Buffy) See, that's what I've been wondering!

"I don't...I just..." He look at her with those soul-piercing dark eyes, "I don't want you to get hurt..."

Tom: (deadpan) Really, I was under the impression that you did.

"Drak, Frankie, Howler, and Moonsong will all be there, Angel," Buffy said. "I trust them to come through for me.

Mike: (Buffy) They're Jo Ann's characters. They're above failure.

If the going gets really rough, Howler and Moonsong will call the PO, and you guys can bail me out."
"I worry about you..."

Crow: (Buffy) How many times do I have to tell you? I am not starving myself! Wait, what were we talking about?

"I know. I worry about you, too. But to paraphrase Jo: A Slayer as to do what a Slayer has to do."
"Don't quote at me, Buffy," Angel sighed.

Tom: (Angel) We'll just wake up feeling cheap.

She put her arms around his neck. "This has to be done, Angel."
"I know...I wish there was some other way..." He fought the urge to pull her into his arms and not let go.

Mike: (Angel) Must. . . stop. . . the gratuitous displays of affection. . . Must. . . let. . . the story. . . proceed. . .

"Me too..."
The vampire sighed.
Meanwhile, Isis was having simular missgivings over Drak.

Crow: So we get to read it again! Yay!

"Drak, you can't!"
"I've got to," he said.
"I know, but..."

Tom: (Isis) Everyone else is fretting needlessly over their loved ones. I just wanted to fit in and be cool.

"Buffy's counting on me to be there to kill Chimera. I'll have the Drak Pack with me. We'll get out of it okay."
"You just don't get how much I worry, do you?"
"I do. I really do.

Crow: (intensely) I really, really. . . really do.

I worry about you, too, when you go into combat with me.

Mike: (Drak) I'm deeply concerned that I might kill you.

I worry that something will happen to you before you can finish your spell."
She smiled at him and sighed.
Very gently, Drak leaned over and kissed her on her lips,

Tom: (deadpan) I wonder if he loves her or not.

bringing his arms around her waist and up her back. He held her close as he kissed her.
She kissed him back,

Crow: Did she have a choice at that point?

gently but intensly.
Isis held onto Drak, not wanting to let him go.
Drak stroked her hair in a comforting gesture.

Mike: Hey, don't mess up her hair!

"Promice me you'll return to me, safe and sound, love?" Isis whispered softly.
"Isis..."

Tom: (Drak) My aunt's watching! This is embarassing!

"Please?"
"My love, there are no guarantees..."

Crow: (Drak) Except for Menard's low, low prices.

"I know," she whispered, tears in her eyes. She held him tightly.
He gave her one final squeeze and stood up.

Mike: (Drak) Well, 'nough of this. Let's kick some butt.

Isis muttered a charm in Egyptian; a prayer for his safe return.
He kissed the top of her head and then turned to Buffy.
Still looking at Drak, Buffy asked, "What's the time, Bob?"

Tom: (Bob) Am I the only one who ever thinks to carry a watch?

"I hour to go."

Crow: So they were being worried at by their loved ones for a whole hour?

"Thanks, Bob." To the vampire that she was entrusting her life with this night, the Slayer said, "You can do it, Drak. I believe in you that much."
Drak smiled at her, "I hope so, Buffy...I hope so."

Crow: You can make the characters say stuff like this as much as you like, authors. I just can't believe that Jo Ann's characters are in any kind of danger.

"You will," she smiled. Then, she looked at Frankie, Howler, and Moonsong. "That goes for you three, as well. I'm counting on all of you."
"And what the Slayer wants," Angel grinned, teasing.

Tom: What she really, really wants.

"The Slayer gets!" Buffy added.
"You got it!" Howler grinned.
"You bet!" Frankie smiled.

Mike: (Pokey the Penguin) YES.

Moonsong howled his agreement.
Buffy laughed softly.

Crow: (Buffy) It's funny because it isn't!

Jo Ann stood off to the side of them, their "extra life insurence".

Tom: Wow. A Jo Ann story where Jo Ann isn't the focal point of the entire plot.
Mike: Well, I wouldn't speak so soon there Tommy.

Buffy had one more question bothering her. "Will a new Slayer be callled if I die in here, Giles?"
Angel looked to Giles, waiting for the answer.
"To be honest, Buffy...I have no idea..."

Crow: What? Why would it make any difference? Wherever there's vampires, there'll be a Slayer born, right?

"We'll just have to make sure she stays alive," Drak smiled.
"Sounds like a plan to me!" Buffy hid her uneasiness behind a quip and a smile, as usual.
They waited impatiantly for "sunset".

Mike: (Bob) Well, might as well get some Monopoly going.

"Maybe we should be out and about a little early?" Buffy asked.
"What do you think, Giles?" Bob asked.
Giles frowned, "I think Buffy is a little too anxious for this fight."
"Wait until sunset, then," Bob smiled. "It won't be too much longer."

Tom: (Bob) Santa will be here any minute.

Buffy pouted and sat down hard.

Crow: (Buffy) Ow! My tail bone!

"Where would be a good place to hide and wait in Kit's, Bob?" Drak asked.
"The docks, probably," Bob suggested.

Tom: (Drak) Oh right. We've been over this before. Kinda strange how we keep saying the same things over and over. Well, anyway, where should we hide in Kit's sector?

"How will we know Kit's Sector when we see it?" Frankie asked.

Mike: Does it even matter? Just find a place that looks good and wait there!

"You can't miss it: Look for the apartment building with a giant eight ball on top. That's Bob's apartment," Xander grinned.
"An eight ball?!" the Slayer exclaimed.

Tom: (Buffy) Why, that's so whimsical!

"Yep," Xander continued to grin. "I huge ole eight ball!"

Crow: Yes you are.

Buffy chuckled slightly.
"What's so funny, Buffy?" Bob asked, smiling a little.
"Nothing," she smirked.

Mike: (Buffy) It's just that you live somewhere with an amusing decoration.

"Nothing? You don't find it amusing that I live in an eight ball?"

Tom: (Bob) That's what I bought it for!

"Of course not..." She fought to keep the corners of her mouth down.
Frankie must have thought it was funny, though. He was laughing very hard.

Crow: (Frankie) Oh man! It must have the number 8 printed on it and everything!

"Shhh!" Buffy hissed, "You'll offend someone!"
Frankie fought hard to stop laughing. "Oh, sorry!"

Mike: (Frankie) I get kinda carried away about using pool balls in creative ways.

Buffy poked him in the ribs. "Shhh!" She fought her own urge to laugh as well...Frankie had an infectious laugh.

Tom: (unenthusiastic) Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha ha.

"Go ahead and laugh, if you have to," Bob grinned. "I always thought it was pretty funny, myself."
That was all Buffy needed to allow her giggles to escape.

Crow: Settle down! So there's a pool ball on his apartment building!

The Mainframers all had fun watching their visitors laugh.

Tom: (Dot) Those freaks.

It was a rare sound, these seconds.

(Silence. Hostile, vengeful silence.)

Mike: Cambot? Prove them wrong.

(A short sequence begins.)

Angel gave a small laugh.
"You can always tell if Matrix is mad, even if he doesn't look like he's mad!" Jo Ann laughed.
"How's that?" the renegade laughed.
"Your eye, silly!" Jo Ann laughed.
"Okay," Buffy laughed.
Buffy laughed affectionatly as she watched Giles leave.
"AndrAIa is the same about me and other women!" Matrix laughed.
The two warriors shared a laugh.
"'e's tha one who should talk!" Ray laughed.
Buffy laughed, "Angel reacted when I danced somewhat sexily with Xander..."
Buffy laughed aloud at the sight of the room.
Buffy laughed aloud.
Buffy laughed and bent over to pluck little Enzo off Bob.
"Think of it as having the same meaning as, 'Wow', 'Awesome', 'Cool', etc.," Jo Ann laughed.
Buffy laughed as he left.
Matrix laughed, and did so.
Buffy laughed.
She laughed, which became a yawn half-way through.
Buffy laughed, "Care bears were sweet little teddy bears who promoted love, peace and happiness.."
Buffy was laughing helplessly. "Angel bear!" she teased.
Drak was laughing, too.
"Angel!" Buffy laughed, trying to avoid being tickled.
Buffy laughed. "Talk about being in snyc!"

(Back to the theater.)

Mike: When you're trying to create an atmosphere of despair and hopelessness, always check and make sure your story isn't filled with banal laughing, giggling, and chuckling.

Eventually, Buffy managed to control herself again, "Time?" She got out between giggles.
"Five micros to go," Bob smiled.

Crow: (Bob) C'mon. Keep laughing.

"Micros? Minutes?" Buffy asked Jo Ann.
"Yes," the User Guardian replied.

Mike: So they were laughing about the eight ball for fifty five minutes?

"Before you go, I must give the new visitors these," Phong said.

Tom: (Phong) If you'd just sign these organ donor cards. . .

He gave Beth a normal PID,

Mike: 'Cause she smells funny.

and Howler and Frankie Guardian icons.

Mike: 'Cause they're cute.

He turned to Drak and said, "And you will need this, my son." Phong gave Drak a Guardian icon.

Crow: So, they just hand those things out like bumper stickers on the Net, huh?
Tom: Hey, maybe we should apply to be Guardians!

"Ooh! You get a gold one too!" Buffy smiled.
"Thank you, Phong," Drak smiled. He removed his other icon and gave it to Phong. Then, he put on the new icon, making sure the black arrow pointed up.

Crow: So people wouldn't know he wasn't really a Guardian.

Buffy grinned, "Gold is sooo your color."
"Thanks, Buffy," Drak smiled at her.
"Ah told ya you'd make a great Guardian, Drak!" Turbo smiled.

Mike: (Turbo) And now you're pretending you are one! Neat, huh?

Monitor nodded, "Now, if we could only convince them to stay..."
"That would be impossible, as much as we would like to," Drak smiled.

Tom: (Drak) We've got many, many more crossovers to appear in.

"Home is where the heart is," Buffy smiled.
"And we have to guard our home from vampires and other supernatural things," Xander said.
"Our world, Xander," Buffy corrected.
"That's what I meant!"

Crow: (Xander) What, you thought I meant "our house"?

"'Course, if you want to clone Drak, Frankie, and Howler, go right ahead," Beth grinned.
"Two of each of them?!" Willow pretended to be appalled.
"Why not!" Jo Ann laughed.

Mike: Because we're not stupid?

Beth grinned at Willow. "Exactly; two of each of them is such a frightening prospect it would deter evil!"

Crow: Or else enhance it.

"One set in the User's World, one set here in Mainframe!" Jo Ann laughed.
"No-one is safe!" Beth chuckled.
The three memebers of the reunited Drak Pack laughed hardest of all.

Tom: It's so sad. They're being made fun of and they don't even get it.

Beth smiled at them. "Boys will be boys..."
"Showtime, guys!" Matrix said. "It's sundown."

Mike: Wait! There's still 2.3 nanoseconds before sundown!

Buffy leapt up from her seat. "Lets go!"
Bob created the portal to Kit's and the group of viral hunters headed through.

Crow: Good thing Xander told them to look for the apartment building or they never would have found it.

Drak, Frankie, Howler, and Moonsong took their positions behind some crates as Buffy strode up and down the docks, on patrol. Drak had his sword ready.
Buffy paced, whistling a Backstreet Boys tune to herself.

Tom: Okay, now the vampire can't get here fast enough.

The boys and wolf kept alert. Every few microseconds, Howler, through Moonsong, would send a report back to the PO.

Mike: It's very important that the PO knows nothing is happening.

Buffy got bored quickly, and started to sing instead of hum.

Crow: Look, Buffy, don't make me take back what I said about you before.

From behind her, shadows took form.
She spotted it in a puddle at her feet, but gave no outward sign; instead, the Slayer kept singing.
Closer and closer, the shadows crept.

Tom: Go shadows! Go shadows!

The shadows could not escape Drak's keen night vision.
Buffy shuddered slightly.
Behind her, Chimera took solid form.

Mike: (darkly) Peekaboo.

She whirled, a panicked look on her face as if she had been caught off guard.
"Greetings, Slayer," the viral-vampire grinned.
"Ch--Chimera..." Buffy let herself gasp slightly.

Crow: (Buffy, nervously) This isn't a set-up!

"You don't look happy to see me! I thought you would be thrilled to see me again!"

Tom: (Chimera) When I was your age, I loved getting the blood sucked out of me!

He gazed into her eyes.
Buffy felt the same thrill of abandon begin to fill her as she had felt when she'd been in the thrall of Vincent St. Croix.

Mike: Ack! Backstory! Quick, move on! Move on!

This time she was able to recognise it and fight it. "Sorry, Chimera...didn't miss you at all."

Tom: (Buffy) Since you been gone, no way, I ain't missing you at all.

"Pity. I sure missed you!" Chimera grinned. He chose that nano to strike.
As he made a grab for her, Buffy threw her weight to the side.

Crow: And he missed her! See, get it, 'cause he just said --
Mike: Yeah, that's good. We're almost done. I've got a good feeling about this one.

"Playing hard to get, little one?" Chimera made another grab at Buffy.
"In your case, Chimera; I'm impossible to get." She ducked again.

Tom: Ooo, touche!

But Chimera would not be eluded. He made another grab at her.
She let him connect with her arm and tried to pull away.
"Now I have you, little Sweet Blood!" Chimera grinned.

Crow: (Chimera) Kind of odd how you're not putting up any sort of fight whatsoever, but whatever works.

She twisted in his grip, "Not if I can help it..." Buffy let some of her fear creep into her voice.
"Come now, my dear. It will be over soon. I promice."

Mike: Let's just go to the doctor and get your flu shot.

"I have no intention of dying at your hands." She struggled against his grip.
"You won't feel a thing!" He drew her nearer to him.

Mike: It'll be just like a pin prick. I'll take you to McDonalds after.

"I doubt that!" She elbowed him squarely in the mouth
His grip was like steel. He held onto her with all his strength.
"Let me go!"

Tom: (Chimera) Duh, okay.

"I don't think so!" Chimera grinned,

Tom: (Chimera) Homey don't play that.

mocking her with one of Bob's favorite sayings.
Buffy struggled, and let tears of frustation fall.

Crow: (Buffy) Dammit, why couldn't we have just nuked the Tor?

Chimera drew her closer, savoring the micro.
Buffy squirmed, "Please...don't..." she begged, remembering something Angelus had once said to her: "Its so much sweeter when a Slayer begs for her life before she dies!"

Mike: (Buffy, nervous) Umm. . . say, nice night isn't it? Boy, it sure would suck if, say, Drak came out of nowhere and killed you.

"Now, my dear, let's see if your blood is as sweet as I remember!"
"Don't kill me!" Buffy sobbed, the fear in her voice genuine.

Tom: Buffy the Virus Dinner!

If Angel was still watching, he'd be cringing. Buffy felt Chimera's fangs enter her throat, and a gasp escaped her lips.
The moment of truth for Drak. Offering a prayer for Buffy's safety and the the

Crow: Eye creature?

success of the attack, Drak sprang from his hiding place, followed by Frankie, Howler, and Moonsong.

Tom: Crossovers and made-ups to the rescue!

With the reflexes and speed of a jungle cat, Drak plunged his deadly sword into Chimera's heart.
Chimera frowned and disappeared.

Mike: (Chimera) Hey, I'm dead now. Ohh. . . pooh!

"We...we...did...it!" Drak panted. He and Frankie went to tend to Buffy's wounds. "Howler, call Bob for medical help!"

Crow: And. . . that's it?
Mike: The friendly fight scenes were longer than that!
Tom: Okay authors, what, exactly, the hell?! They brought Turbo in, Andri and Enzo threw five years of their lives away so they could be vampire slayers, Jo Ann merged with her keytool and gained all the powers of the universe, they spend hour after hour plotting and planning, they bring in character after useless character, they make this huge stink about how Drak needs his stupid friends to help him even though they have to go to great pains to involve them in the story -- and none of that matters? Drak just walks up and stabs Chimera? That's why we spent the last week trudging through all this absolute crap?!

(Servo starts swearing incoherently and banging his head against the left armrest.)

Mike: Huh. So that's what he uses it for.

Howler did so, communicating through Moonsong. Werewolf and chrome wolf shared a private thought that no one else picked up.

Crow: They shared something special that lustful summer of '64. . .

I don't think Chim's dead...

Mike: Tom! Tom, see? They didn't really kill him. It wasn't that easy. They're probably going to have him pop up again, and then we'll see the real battle, okay?
Tom: (stops banging, starts crying a little) You sure?
Mike: I'm positive. C'mere.

(Tom cries on Mike's shoulder. Mike wraps an arm around him comfortingly.)

Buffy gasped as Drak held her. "Did you...did you do it?"
"Yes," Drak grinned at her. "We did it!"
"We...did?" She was fighting to remain conscious.

Crow: (Drak) Well, no.

"Yes," he continued to smile as medical binomes appeared from a newly-formed portal. Drak helped them put the injured Slayer on a stretcher.
"Angel?" Buffy called.

Mike: (Buffy) Are you still in this story, Angel?

"He's at the PO. Where we are going," Drak said. He and Frankie carried the stretcher into the portal, followed by the binomes, Howler and Moonsong.

Crow: Wait, so Howler and Moonsong are binomes?

As soon as the portal closed, Buffy called out again, "Angel?"
"Here, love!" Angel answered, going to her.

Mike: (whistles) Here Love! Come on Love! Okay, now sit. . . sit. . .

She reached out for him, and he took her hand.
"Get her to the infirmery and give her some blood!" Dot said.

Mike: (Buffy) No thanks, I'm not thirsty.

"She's lost quite a bit!"
Buffy continue to ramble, clutching Angel's hand.

Crow: (Buffy) And then the elves tripped me. . . and then they laughed at me. . . and then Mommy laughed at me. . . and then they went upside down. . .

Angel walked with Drak and Frankie to the infirmery, holding onto Buffy's hand and continuing to talk to her.
"Don't leave me..."

Mike: (Angel, nervous) I wasn't sneaking off!

(Tom sits up straight again.)

Mike: You better?
Tom: Yeah. . .

"I won't," Angel promiced. He would have to fight for control to keep from vamping out during the blood transfusion.
She squeezed his hand and passed out.

Crow: (Angel) Thank God she shut up.

Drak and Frankie lifted Buffy off the strecher and placed her in the hospital bed. They stepped back to allow the doctors to hook Buffy to the IV unit

Tom: No, that's for intravenous feeding!

that would transmit the blood into her.

Mike: We're just going to give you some pork blood from the butcher, how's that sound?

"You did it, Drak," Isis smiled, "You saved her."
"Yeah," he whispered softly,

Tom: (Drak) I know. I was there, remember?

a smile appearing on his face. He was still panting from the adrenalin rush that had occurded during his attack on Chimera.

Crow: During his glorious, epic battle!

She hugged him close.
He kissed her, then hugged him to her.
"You did it..." she whispered.

Mike: Shut up! We get it!

"She's ryght, Drak," Turbo smiled. "Ya came through like a real Guardian."
Monitor smiled and shushed Turbo, "Give them their moment, [beloved]."

Tom: (Monitor) Oh look, they're already nude.

Isis held Drak close, as if afraid she would lose him if she let him go.
Angel sat at Buffy's side, holding her hand.
Meanwhile, Howler sat in a corner, stroking Moonsong's fur, uncertainy in his eyes.

Crow: (Howler) Uh. . . listen. . . I know we haven't known each other very long, but. . . well, how do you feel about doing some marking this weekend?

Beth quietly slipped over to them. "What's wrong?"
"Just a feeling Moonsong and I have..." Howler answered. He avoided her gaze, looking instead, at the shining fur of the wolf he petted.

Tom: (Howler) Women don't understand me like you do, wolf.

"What is it?" Her voice was gentle.
"It may be nothing but paranoia, but

Mike: It don't mean they're not after you.

we are getting the feeling that it's not over.

Crow: (Howler) There's still, like, thirty pages to go.

That Chimera may still be alive," he answered.
"Did you find dust?"
"Dust? No, not really.

Tom: (Howler) I'd say it was more sand-like than anything.

But then again, I wasn't looking for it. I was busy calling the PO for medical help for Buffy."
"If there was no dust, you cannot be sure."
"I know," he sighed.

Mike: The thing you've got to remember is that Chimera is a Jo Ann character too.
Crow: Yep.

She hugged him.
"Should we tell them about these feelings?" Howler whispered in her ear.
"I don't know."

Tom: (Beth) Maybe it would be best if he took them by surprise and ended their pitiful, worthless existances.

"Maybe we should warn them of the possibility..." he whispered. "If we don't, and Chimera returns..."
"Maybe a quiet word with Bob..."
"Yes..." Howler agreed. Telling the Guardian would relieve his concience,

Mike: And he could dump his responsibilities on someone else.

which was nagging him to reveal his misgivings about Chimera's death.
She hugged him, "Don't worry."
"So we still treat this as a victory?" he asked her.

Crow: As long as the story ends, you can call it whatever you want.

"Even if later, Chimera returns?"
"It is; you all escaped alive," Beth told him.
"True..." he smiled.

Tom: (Howler) I guess not getting ourselves killed is a lot more important than assuring this world safety from the monsters plaguing it.

Beth smiled as Buffy regained consciousness.
"Hello, love," Angel smiled down at her, his face the handsome, human one, not the vampire one.
"Angel!" she smied.

Crow: (Buffy) Thank God you're not ugly!

He held her hand to his lips and kissed it.
"I love you."
"As our new friends would say, 'Copy and paste that'," he grinned.

Mike: The End.

She grinned at him and tried to sit up.
Angel put his arm behind her shoulders to steady her, and to ease her back down, if she needed to.
She leaned slightly on his arm and sat up. "Is Drak okay?"

Crow: You know, Mike. . . I'm kinda nervous here.
Mike: What do you mean?
Crow: Well, it's just that, you know, the story's kinda wrapping up, they've pretty much established that they're going to wait until the sequel before Chimera returns, but there's still about a dozen or two pages to go.
Mike: You know, that is kind of odd. . .

"Look over there," Angel smiled,

Tom: (Angel) Ha! Made you look!

pointing with his eyes at his cousin and Isis.
She smiled, "Good..."
Drak and Isis approached the bed, smiling at the Slayer.

Crow: (Drak) Well, I trust you (maniacal chuckle) slept well?

"Hey guys," Buffy smiled.
"How are you feeling, Buffy?' Drak asked.
"A little light-headed. Where's Giles?"
"In the computer room with the others," Isis answered.

Mike: Isn't every room in this place a computer room?

Just as she spoke, Giles, Bob and Dot entered the infirmery.
"Giles!" Buffy called.
"Buffy! Are you alright?" Giles asked, rushing to her.

Tom: (Giles) I would have been down to check sooner, but they introduced me to this thing called "Pong" and, well. . .

Buffy hugged Giles tightly; in many ways he was more of a father to her than her biological dad. "I am now."
"That is good," Giles replied, hugging her back.
She nodded, "I gotta quit necking with vamps though..."

Crow: (Giles) You were necking? That's it, go to your room, you're grounded for a month! And I don't want you going out with that "Angel" guy anymore, understand?

Those in the room laughed.

Mike: It was a rare sound those seconds. . . except when someone made a stupid joke, of course.

Bob bent over and whispered something to Dot.

Tom: (Bob) Uh, honey? X Y Z.

"You're right, love," she whispered back.

Crow: (Dot) She would make an excellent sacrifice to the volcano gods.

"What?" Buffy frowned suspciously.
"Bob suggested that, when you are well enough to attend, we have a party," Dot smiled.

Mike: Because if there's one thing this story still needs, it's a lot of people standing around in one place talking.

"I know who one of the guest of honors should be, with no arguements," Angel said, looking into Buffy's eyes.

Tom: (Angel) I've got these cousins from another story, I bet they'd love to drop by!

Buffy pouted slightly at him, in flirty way, not a grumpy way. "I'll be on my feet in no time!"
"Of course you will," Angel grinned. "But there's another who also deserves the limelight." Now, Angel looked toward his cousin Drak.

Crow: Yes, the crossover characters! The only ones who ever do anything!

"My hero!" Buffy smiled at Drak, putting on a voice that would have easily belonged to some bimbo heroine in a melodrama.

(Sounds of disgust.)

Tom: Jo Ann? Jump up my butt.

Drak laughed. He came back with, "Anything for you, fair lady," bowing from the waist and matching Buffy's melodramatic bimbo with an equally melodramatic hero.

Mike: (Buffy) Oh Critter, I love you.

Buffy chuckled and carried on the joke, "I will sleep safe and sound knowing you're watching over me."
"Always, gracious one," Drak smiled, enjoying the game.

Crow: (Angel) Umm, I'm watching over you too.
Tom: Yep. He should've known better than to introduce his girlfriend to a Jo Ann character.

Buffy chuckled to herself, and batted her eye-lashes in a painfully over-the-top manner.
Drak finally broke down laughing.

Mike: (Drak) Man, did you see Space Ghost last night?

Buffy joined him. His laughter was just as infectious as Frankie's.

Tom: (deadpan) Ha ha ha ha. Ha. Ha ha.

Drak hugged Buffy. "Just get well," he said.
"Oh I will; I hate hospitals."

Crow: (Buffy) They're so geeky.

"How soon will she be able to get out of here?" Angel asked.

Mike: Another twenty pages or so.

"She's making a fast recovery," the binome doctor assured him.
"Great!" the vampire smiled. He hugged Buffy to him.

Tom: And burned himself on her cross.

She squeezed him back as tightly as she could.

Crow: (Angel) Uh, honey? The cross is kinda searing my flesh. You maybe wanna let go a second?

It wasn't very tightly, and it worried him.
"Bob, could you speed up Buffy's recovery?" Drak asked.

Mike: (Bob) Anything to make the story go faster.

Buffy smiled at him, "If its too exerting, don't worry. I'm a fast healer."
"No. It's okay, Buffy," Bob smiled. He went to her and sat down at the edge of her bed. He took her hands in his own and concentrated.

Tom: (Bob) Let's see. . . you've got a very strong life line. . .

The warm energy flowed through her body.
Buffy smiled.

Crow: (Buffy) Ooo! It's all tickly!

She could feel herself getting better.
Another hand joined Bob's. Buffy saw a female figure in red and gold armor as more healing energy entered her.

Mike: No! She's getting Jo Ann all over her!

"I--I think I'm okay now," Buffy smiled.
Jo Ann withdrew her hand as Bob scanned Buffy.

Tom: (Jo Ann) You sure? I could just --
Crow: (Buffy, nervous) Nope, nope. . . just fine, never better. . .

"She's right," Bob smiled.
"Okay!" Angel smiled. "Let's go have that party!"
Buffy chuckled, "Okay; who are you and what have you done with Angel?"

Tom: And then he turns into Chimera!
Mike: Just let it go. It's not going to happen.

"Hey, I can party if I want to!" he laughed.

Crow: (Angel) You would party too if it happened to you!

"Life and soul of the party," Drak grinned.
"We going to party, or aren't we?" Jo Ann asked.

Tom: (Angel) On second thought, let's not.

"I need to get a change; blood stains aren't the greatest fashion statement!" Buffy smiled.

Mike: (Angel, excited) I'll lick it off!

Dot smiled. She leaned over and tapped Buffy's icon.
"What?" Buffy was puzzled.
"Double tap your icon and say, 'Reboot!'," Dot smiled.
Buffy did as she was told. Instantly, a Guardian dress uniform appeared on Buffy.

Mike: (Angel, disappointed) Oh. . . goodbye sweet Slayer blood. . .

She jumped,

Crow: (Buffy) I'm startled!

"Hmm..."

Crow: (Buffy) Now I'm thoughtful!

"That's how we change clothes here," Jo Ann explained.
"Oh. Think I could shorten this into a miniskirt?"
Dot looked to Turbo.

Tom: Because he'd be more likely than her to know about women's fashion.

Turbo was chuckling slightly.

Mike: (Turbo) Huh huh. . . she's a girl. . .

"Well? Can she?" Dot asked her uncle.

Crow: (Dot) Can she?! CAN SHE?!

"Its lovely...really...but its not me..." the Slayer explained.
"Twist tha icon a bit an' say, 'Reboot!'," Turbo smiled.

Tom: And, of course, he knows all about this.
Crow: I heard Turbo comes out of the closet in Season 4.

Once again, Buffy did as instructed. A dazzling mini skirt and top appeared on Buffy. Metalic blue high-heels appeared on her feet.
"Oh I like!" She grinned.
"After the heros of the millisecond," Bob smiled, waving a hand toward the door.

Mike: (Bob) And by that, I mean "get out".

"After you, kind sir," Buffy started to bow to Drak, but then decided not to, to avoid giving everyone a dazzling view of her cleavage

Crow: Insert comment here.

"Ladies first," Drak grinned at Buffy.
"Age before beauty," she teased.
"Why don't you two go in together?" Angel suggested.
Drak and Buffy chuckled.

Tom: (Buffy) I'm slowly losing my mind! It's fun!

Angel got behind the two and steered them throught the door.

Mike: (Angel) Finally I get some use out of my experience herding sheep.

The others followed.
Buffy chuckled as Angel practically pushed her through the door.

Crow: (Angel) Okay, the padded room's right down the hall, you'll be just fine there.

When they arrived in the computer room, the two received a standing ovation from those present. Buffy raised Drak's arm shouting, "The real hero of the hour --um-- millisecond!"

Tom: (Buffy) I did nothing although I'm the title character! The real hero was some Hanna Barbera character!

Drak blushed again.
Isis smiled and kissed his cheek.
"China doll!" Andri teased him.

Mike: (Drak) Fish girl!
Crow: (Andri) Vampire wannabe!
Mike: (Drak) Clone with no personal characteristics except an unhealthy fixation on motorcycles!

When Drak blushed more, Andri gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek.
Enzo frowned slightly.

Tom: (Enzo) What's with showing him affection? They specifically wrote her into this series so I'd have a mate.

Andri grinned and kissed Enzo.
Enzo smiled.

Crow: (singing) Lad's gladness hangs upon the love of Gal. . . the love of Gal. . .

"Party time!" shouted Xander.
"Uh-oh! The X-man hits the dance floor!"

Tom: Who, Wolverine? Storm?

Everyone laughed at the comment.

Mike: It's funny because they said words!

Xander poked his tongue out.
Dot put in an order to Cecil for party food. Bob smiled.

Crow: (Bob) God I love watching her dial.

Wild Card looked to Jo Ann. "Why don't you show 'em our most favorite of your powers?' he grinned at her.

Tom: (suddenly frightened) Umm, wait a second. . .

Dot smiled, "Oh yeah!"

Mike: (also scared) I don't want to see this. Please, whatever you do. . .

Jo Ann grinned. With a snap of her fingers, rock 'n' roll music begain to play.

Crow: Oh. . . dear. . . God. . .
Tom: Yes, that's right. Not only can Jo Ann kill with a gesture and defeat superviruses capable of defeating entire Guardian collectives singlehandedly, but she also makes music appear from nowhere.
Crow: This is just one of those superpowers you get specifically to show off with.
Mike: And when she wiggles her nose, lemonade appears! And when she claps her hands, confetti comes out of the ceiling!

Smiles crossed the faces of the humans.

All: (zombie-like) We love Jo Ann Montgomery. We pledge our souls to Jo Ann Montgomery.

The song that was playing was, "The Girls of Rock 'N' Roll".

Crow: AAAAAUGH! CHIPMUNKS FLASHBACK! THE VOICES! THE GRATING, HIGH-PITCHED VOICES!
Tom: Talk him down Mike! Talk him down!
Mike: It's okay Crow! The Chipmunks Movie was years ago! It's over. You're safe.
Crow: (uncertainly) We're. . . we're safe?
Mike: It's okay. Listen, I'll get your walkman and some Talking Heads, I'll be right back.
Crow: (as Mike Leaves) Please. . . please hurry. . .

"This is cool!" Buffy smiled.
"We love it!" AndrAIa grinned.
"I can see why!"

Tom: It's so sad how authors project their own tastes onto the characters they write for.
Crow: (shouting after Mike) And get some They Might Be Giants! And some Meat Loaf! And some peanut butter M&Ms!

"You should have been here on the first day of her life in Mainframe," Wild Card grinned. "We had an improv party and played music all second!"
"Neat!"

Tom: (deadpan) You sure know how to live.

From somewhere in the PO, they heard a long howl.
"PLEASE tell me that was Howler or Oz...!"
"It was Oz," Howler grinned, forgetting his misgivings. He answered Oz's howl with one of his own, which Moonsong joined in.

Crow: Stop that! You wanna get the whole neighborhood started?

"Whew!" Cordy sighed in relief.
Drak and Frankie smiled at her.

Tom: (Drak) Duh. Lady.

"What?"
"Nevermind," Drak smiled.
She shrugged and headed off

Crow: Where's she going?
Tom: Just let her go.

(Mike strolls back in.)

Mike: Okay, what'd I miss?
Tom: Well, a wolf howled. That was pretty exciting.

(Mike attaches Crow's walkman to his headgear.)

Crow: (speaking a little more loudly than normal) Thanks Mike! (Starts swaying back and forth)

Isis came up to Drak and put her arms around his neck.
"Yes, my love?"
Isis said nothing. She smiled, then leaned over and kissed him.

Tom: Hey, look what Crow's doing!
Mike: Wow, he's dancing.

Drak grinned.
She leaned her head on his shoulder.
He wrapped his arms around her.

Crow: (singing) Heard of a van that is. . . loaded with weapons. . . packed up and ready to go. . .
Tom: He's so cute when he's like that!

"Love you, always, Drak," she whispered.
"I know, love..."

Mike: (Drak) You've told me about forty times already today.

She sighed, content in her love's arms.
"Wanna dance?"
"In this?" she indicated her Egyptian dress, which was long and not something she could easily dance in.

Tom: (Drak) Well, nude's fine too.

"Try, 'rebooting'..."
Isis tapped her icon and said, "Reboot!" The dress was replaced by a mini-dress version. Isis blushed at the suddenly short skirt.

Mike: (Isis) Goodness, you can see my knees!

"Nice!" Drak smiled.
"Are you going to dance in your armor?" she asked.

Tom: (Drak) Hey, you can never be too prepared.
Crow: (singing) Heard about Houston. . . heard about Detroit. . . heard about Pittsburgh PA. . .

"No, love," he switched to 'Biker Mode'.
AndrAIa and Andri laughed and clapped, happy to see him in the biker outfit again.

All: We are miserable servants of the biker outfit!

Drak took a small bow.
"Hey, Drak!" Matrix grinned. "That race still on?"
"You bet!"

Mike: (Drak) Well, no.

"Race?" Howler asked.
Drak grinned.

Tom: (Drak) Wouldn't you like to know?

"Drak promiced to let me ride with him on his bike when races Matrix," Andri grinned.
"If that's still alright with Enzo..." Drak looked to the green-skinned teenager.

Mike: (Drak) Enzo? Can I have the keys to your girl?

Enzo shrugged.
"You sure it's okay?" Drak asked.
"Yeah..." he almost smiled.

Tom: But he was too depressed at the thought of someone besides him sharing Andri's company.

"Okay," Drak smiled.
"Don't worry about him," Andri smiled.

Mike: (Andri) He doesn't have a bike.
Crow: (singing) Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down. . . letting the days go by, water flowing underground. . .

As the party wore on, Beth spoke quickly to Bob.

Tom: (Beth) HeyBobisn'tthisagreatpartyboyIwishwecouldstayherelonger saywhat'sitlikebeingaGuardianitmustbereallyneat wellit'sbeennicetalkingtoyouwishIcouldstayandchatbye.

Bob frowned.

Mike: (Bob) What'd she say?

Then he, Beth, and Howler went into his office.
"Tell him, Howler..." Beth directed.

Tom: (Howler, crying) Okay, I broke the new vase. Are you happy?

"This may be simple paranoia, but

Mike: It don't mean they're not after you.
Tom: You did that one already.
Mike: It bears repeating.

Moonsong and I both have this feeling that Chimera is still alive."
"How?"

Tom: (Bob) I mean, you stabbed him!
Crow: (singing) If this is paradise. . . I wish I had a lawnmower. . .

"I don't know. It's just this...feeling...I can't descibe it.

Mike: (Howler) It's like the authors want to leave themselves open for a sequel.

And I'm not sure how Chimera could have escaped either.

Tom: (Howler) It's almost as though the authors wrote themselves into a corner and they're trying to explain away the death of the character that they didn't want to die.

I just thought that you should be warned, in case the feeling is right and Chimera returns."
"Yeah...you did the right thing telling me..." Bob bit his lip.

Mike: And drew blood.

"'Course, there could be nothing to it," Howler said. "Just don't let anyone blame Drak for failing to kill Chimera."
"Course not..."

Tom: (Bob) It's not like he failed to kill Chimera. Oh wait. . .

"The cut looked dead center of Chimera's heart..." Howler said. "And he did disappear..."
"But no one saw any ashes or dust," Beth added.
"That's true..." Howler sighed.

Mike: (Howler) I guess there's just going to have to be a sequel.

Bob sighed, "We'll have to be careful..."
"Extremely carefull," Beth added.

Tom: (Howler) Really super-duper extra careful.
Crow: (singing) And she was looking at herself. . . and things were looking like a movie. . .

Bob nodded.
Then, Bob smiled and put his hands on Howler's shoulders.
"Yes Bob?"
"You've done all you could.

Mike: (Bob) Now leave. Through the back door.

Be proud that you noticed this and warned me of it."
"Will you tell them?" Howler asked.
"No. Let them have their party.

Tom: (Bob) Little do they know that I, Bob, shall soon rule the Net! (maniacal laughter)

Until Chimera does turn up alive, we are going to treat this as if he were dead."
"Sounds good," Beth smiled. "Howler, don't worry."
"I'll try not to..." Howler smiled.

Mike: (Howler) Should be easy. Won't be my neck on the line.

"Do or do not; there is no try!" Beth smiled, doing her Yoda impression.

Tom: So, ancient deadly vampire woman gives up killing people and becomes a Star Wars fan. Great. Just end the story.

"What?!" Bob looked at Beth in puzzlement.
"Star Wars," she smiled.
"Oh, yes," Bob smiled. "That movie with the boy that lived on that planet with two suns. Jo Ann told us about it."

Mike: I'm surprised she didn't tell them she wrote it.

Beth shrugged.
"Come on," Bob smiled. "Let's go back to the party. And not a word about this to the others." He escourted them outside.

Tom: A-and at the party, Chimera pops up and takes them all by surprise and --
Mike: Don't. Just let it go.
Crow: (singing) Baby baby, please let me hold him. . . I wanna make him stay up all night. . .

Beth smiled. She hoped Howler was overreacting.
At the party, they were doing Karaoke. Drak and Isis was singing, "Almost Paradise", from the Footloose soundtrack.

Crow: (singing) Sister sister, he's just a -- play. . . thing. . . Aww, crap, the batteries went dead.

Buffy sat on Angel's lap, smiling and mouthing along. She waved at Howler, Bob and Beth.

Tom: (Howler) I wonder where Buffy is, hmmm. . .

They waved back.
Dot approached Bob, What's up?
Nothing that needs to be thought about today, dear, he answered.

Mike: (Bob) By the way, seen any quotation marks laying around?

You sure?
Yes.

Crow: Is this the narrator talking? What the hell?

She hugged him.
He hugged back and kissed her.
Dot soon forgot about her concern.

Mike: (Dot) Duh, whose house is this?

The song ended, and Drak and Isis took a bow.
The applause sounded.

Tom: Yay! They stopped! Yay!

When the applause died down, Matrix turned to Jo Ann. "Hey, JoJo: You sing sumpin'!" he grinned.

Crow: Oh my God. Mike, please tell me you have some extra batteries!
Mike: 'Fraid not.

"Yes!" Dot exclaimed,"Sing for us!"

Tom: (Jo Ann) No, you sing for me!

Blushing, Jo Ann took center stage.

Crow: Yeah, I bet she's really embarassed to be the center of attention.

She snapped her fingers, and the intense drumming that openned, "Holding Out For A Hero" began. She began to sing.

Mike: (Jo Ann) The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. . .

"Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

Tom: (singing) And the moon men?

Isn't there a white knight upon a firey steed?
Late at night, I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.

Mike: You know, if you pretend it's the music video at Hash & Slack's page, it's really good.
Crow: Say!

I need a hero..."
"I sooo love this!" Buffy squealed

(The guys make various pig noises.)

and lept off Angel's lap. "Dance with me?"

Tom: (Buffy) I want to be your partner. Can't you see the music is just starting? Night is falling and I am calling --
Mike: Okay, thanks.

Angel grinned and led her to the dance floor.
Buffy followed his movements, swaying in time to the music.
Jo Ann continued the song, looking over at Wild Card. The girls pretended that they were singing the song to their guys.

Crow: While the guys pretended they were dancing with various models.

Wild Card winked back at her.
She smiled and blushed, but kept singing.
He stood up and wrapped arms around her

Tom: Neck.

The song ended. Wild Card whispered in her ear. She giggled and nodded, snapping her fingers. The song, "Everything I Do (I Do For You)" began to play.

Mike: C'mon! Someone do some Jefferson Airplane!

Wild Card sang this song to Jo Ann.
Angel and Buffy just kept dancing.

Crow: Thanks for updating us on their progress!

When Wild Card finished the song, Jo Ann came back with, "Let's Hear It For The Boy".
"This is soooo cute..."
When this song was finished, Wild Card whispered in her ear again.

Mike: (Wild Card) I heard the regular characters plotting a rebellion. We must crush them.

She smiled. This time, they sang, "You're The One That I Want",

Tom: That I really really want.

from the movie, Grease.

Mike: (Enzo) Umm, excuse me? It was my turn next. I signed the list and --
Crow: (Jo Ann) Butt out, mortal.

And the groups just kept dancing.

Mike: Help! We forgot how to stop!

Monitor giggled and whispered something to Turbo. The Prime Guardian grinned.
"That ain't too romantic, but Ah like it!"

Crow: Wow, get a room you two!

As soon as the song was over, Turbo went up to Jo Ann and whispered something to her. She smiled and snapped her fingers. Turbo began to sing, "El Paso City".
Monitor smiled. She loved that song...

Tom: The way it fit Turbo's stereotype. . .

The couples stopped dancing to listen to Turbo's singing.

Mike: Hey, we were dancing!

"He's good!" Buffy whispered.

Tom: (Angel) Good? He's the best.

"Indeed he is!" Monitor smiled.
Buffy smiled, "Can I sing next?"

Crow: Man, this is the sandstorm sequence of text-based media!
Mike: As far as. . . what?
Crow: (sighing) Never mind. . .

"Sure," Jo Ann smiled.
Once Turbo had finished, Buffy took the mike and whispered her song of choice into Jo Ann's ear. She grinned broadly and played as Buffy sang, "In the Arms of an Angel"

Tom: (deadpan) Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha.

Drak grinned at his cousin as he listened to the song.

Mike: (Drak) Hee hee. That's you.

Angel blushed deeply.
"Of course, that song could describe my situation, as well, beloved," Isis smiled. "You are indeed my angel."
Drak smiled, "If it were anyone but Buffy singing..."

Crow: (Drak) I would take you right here and now.

Isis giggled. She pressed her lips to Drak's, kissing him deeply.
The vampire wrapped his arms around her.

Tom: (muttering) Yeah, I'd like to wrap his arms around something. . .

Jo Ann went to Turbo and whispered, "I have an idea for a present for our friends from Sunnydale."
"What's that?" Turbo turned to her, Monitor in his arms.

Tom: (Jo Ann) Chia Trees.

"Remember the special icons that you gave my family so that they could visit Mainframe?"

Mike: (Jo Ann) Isn't it kinda weird that they never visit?

"Yes..." the Prime smiled.
"Let's give them the same thing.

Crow: (Jo Ann) Then we can do as many crossovers as we want!

I'll give them the same kind of communications bracelet that I gave the alternate Dot."
"That's a great ahdea."
"Thanks!" Jo Ann grinned, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Tom: And Monitor got jealous, yeah yeah, we know. . .

He hugged her and turned back to Monitor

Mike: (Turbo) I swear, there's nothing between us. It's just that she's the author and she must be appeased.
Crow: (Monitor) I understand. Let's not speak of it.

as Buffy finished her song.
The Mainframers applauded the Slayer.
She bowed slightly and hopped off the dais to see her Angel.
Jo Ann got up and made this announcement:

Tom: (Jo Ann) I've decided to let you worship my child one more time before the story ends. Please form a straight line. Two shall be admitted at a time.

"How would guys like to be able to come to Mainframe or talk to us whenever you wanted?" She smiled at the Sunnydalers.

Mike: (Jo Ann) You'd like that, wouldn't you? WOULDN'T YOU!

"Cool!" Cordy grinned. Giles and Jenny's eyes met meaningfully.

Crow: (Giles) Hmmm. . . Do another crossover. . . never see Jenny again. . . I can't decide!
Tom: (Jenny) Don't do it! It's too late for me, but you can still save yourself!

"Turbo can fix your icons where you can visit Mainframe, and I can give you the communications devises."

All: Walkie talkies? Neat-o!

"Wonderful..." Giles whispered.
"Turbo, do you need to take them to the Super Computer, or can you fix the icons here?" Jo Ann asked.
"Well, Dot was gonna take Buffy shopping in tha SC anyway, so Ah'll do it there.."

Tom: Mike, why isn't the story over?
Mike: I don't know. . .

"Okay. And I'll work on the communicaters. We can also give them our e-mail addys so they can write to us," Jo Ann smiled.

Crow: Visit our website, and read the latest episode of the ReBuffy saga!

"See Rupert: E mail...elec-tron-ic mail..." Jenny teased.
Jo Ann giggled.

Tom: (Jo Ann) What an amusing way to say "electronic"!

Marie brought Azura to Jo Ann, who took the baby in her arms.

Mike: (Marie) I'm sick of watching her. Start taking some responsibility.

"Hey baby..." she smiled.

Crow: (Azura) Back at ya.

Azura gurgled. She turned her head and saw Drak.
Drak smiled.
Azura held her arms out to him.
Drak smiled, pleased.

Tom: (Drak) The baby's trying to grab me. Everything's going according to plan.

"I think she wants you to hold her, Drak," Jo Ann smiled at the young vampire.
"Me?!" Drak was incredulous.

Mike: (Drak) But I'm cool!

"Yes," Jo Ann smiled. She held Azura out to him.

Crow: (Jo Ann) I really think she wants you to hold her so I can go enjoy myself.

He blinked and oh-so-carefully took her in his arms.
Azura smiled and gurgled, reaching a hand up to his face.
He smiled.
"She adores you," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (Jo Ann) So I'll see you later. Bye!

He blinked. It was hard to believe.

Mike: Considering that Azura was on such bad terms with everyone else.

Azura patted her hand on Drak's face.
He chuckled.

Crow: (Drak) I love being pawed by infants!

Very softy, Drak sang a lulaby that he remembered his mother singing to him when he was little.

Tom: (Drak) When the lights. . . go down. . . in the city. . . and the sun shines on. . . the baaaay. . .

Azura gurgled.
Drak continued to sing. Isis watched him as he handled the tiny baby like the precious thing she was. She smiled to herself, How SWEET.

Crow: (Freddy Krueger) Fresh meat!

When Drak finished the song, he took one of the little hands and kissed it gently.
Azura smiled sleepily.
"You've had a long day, haven't you, Azura?" Drak smiled.

Mike: (Azura) I must've crapped, like, three diapers today. I'm bushed.

Frankie and Howler went up to see the little User/sprite.
She smiled at them.

Tom: (Azura) Scary monsters are pretty!

"These are my friends, Frankie and Howler," Drak smiled at Azura.
The group played with Azura for a while.

Crow: They were looking all over for a football!

"She's like us, guys. She's half-User, half-Sprite, just as we are half-human, and half-...whatever," Drak said.
Frankie grinned.
"She loves Angel, too," Drak grinned at his cousin.

Mike: She also loves shiny objects. End the story!

"She's a female; she can't help it.." Xander said as he walked past.
Drak laughed. Azura, liking the sound, gurgled.
"Women can't help it," Xander sighed.

Tom: Look! See, right there! They say everything twice! You take out the lines where people say something that's already been said, and you've got about two pages in this story!

"Xander!" Buffy said teasingly.

Crow: (mockingly) Xander! Xander! Xander Xander Xander!

He shrugged.
Jo Ann looked around the room at the Sunnydalers. "Azura, Rob, and Jade has sure gained a lot of godfathers and godmothers!" she smiled.

Tom: They sure has you know!

"Oh yes..." Wild Card smiled.
"Would you all be her godfathers and godmothers?" Jo Ann asked the Sunnydalers.

Mike: Umm, I thought you just implied that they already were.

"What?!" was the general, surprised reaction.
"She asked if you would all be Azura's godfathers and godmothers," Wild Card smiled.

Crow: What?
Tom: SHE ASKED IF YOU WOULD--

"What an honour..." Giles smiled.
Jenny smiled and hugged him.

Mike: (Jenny) You always spell things in British!

"Oh, Rupert..." the Gypsy smiled.
"Well," Jo Ann smiled. "Would you?"
The response was a definatte affirmative.

Crow: An affirmative "No".

"Thank you," Jo Ann smiled at them.

Mike: End Chapter 1.
 
 

Tom: Look! See? See that? My favorite line in the story, right there!

A few seconds later, the Mainframers and the Sunnydalers were entering the Super Computer.
"And you're saying there are malls?"

Mike: Oh no. . .
Crow: Did they have nothing in mind when they wrote this story? Is this just a complete stream of consciousness?

"Yes," Dot smiled. "As soon as Turbo fixes your icons, we'll all go shopping."
Buffy smiled, "Oh yeah!!"

Tom: (Kool-Aid Man) Oh yeah!

"Well, come ta tha PO an' we'll fix those icons fer ya," Turbo smiled.
"Sounds like a plan to me!" Buffy smiled
They followed him into the Super Computer Principle Office, which was a lot bigger than the one in Mainframe.
"Woah! Big place!"

Mike: The narrator repeated.

"It sure is!" Jo Ann smiled, "If it wasn't for Turbo, I might have gotten lost when I came here for my final exams."
"I'd say!" Xander was hyptnotized.

Crow: (Jo Ann) Xander was. . . awestruck? Overwhelmed? No, hyptnotized! That sounds right!

"SC to Xander...come in, Xander...wake up!" Cordy grinned, waving a hand in front of his face.
He grabbed her hand and pretended to bite it.

Tom: She sued him for attempted assault and won forty thousand dollars.

She playfully slapped his shoulder. Oz and Willow smiled as they looked on.

Mike: (Oz) It's great how they abuse each other!

As soon as his werewolf time was over, Oz had been released from the holding cell.

Crow: You think?

Jo Ann had put the same question to them as she had the others:

Tom: (Jo Ann) Will you join me or die?

"Will you two be Azura's godfather and godmother, too?"
They had hugged each other and agreed.

Mike: And now, back to our story.

On the way to the labratory where Turbo would add the circuitry that would allow the Users to travel to Mainframe, Jo Ann and the Mainframers saw a familuer female figure.

Crow: (Jo Ann) Monica Lewinsky?
Tom: (Monica) Dammit, is there nowhere I can hide?

"Coral!" Jo Ann called.

Mike: Hey, Coral! Hold your horses! Get it, 'cause. . .
Tom: Damn you, Mike.

"Hey gang!" she smiled.
"Coral, meet Azura," Jo Ann smiled, holding the baby up so the Guardian Searcher could see her.
"Your kid?"

Crow: (Jo Ann) When it suits me.

"Yes. Mine and Wild Card's," Jo Ann smiled.
"Congratulations!" she hugged them.
"Thanks!" Jo Ann smiled. Then Coral noticed Jo Ann's new armor.

Tom: Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is she?

"Hey; what the heck happened to you?!"
"I received the order!" Jo Ann smiled.
"Ya did?!"

Mike: (deadpan) No I was kidding ha ha ha ha.

"Yes," Jo Ann grinned.
"New look suits you..."

Crow: (Coral) Red and all.

"Thanks."
Coral dumped the files she was carrying

Tom: (Coral) Whoops, I just erased a semester's worth of notes. All well.

and hugged them again.
"Coral was the main source of information about Chimera and Pixil," Jo Ann told the Sunnydalers.
The proverbial penny dropped and understanding dawned.

Mike: (Xander) So she's your mom?

Coral got a good look at Angel, Drak, Beth, Frankie, and Howler.
"Jo: a word..."
"Sure, Coral."

Crow: (Coral) You've got to stop doing all these crossovers. It's getting weird.

"What in the Net are they?!"
"Angel, Drak, and Beth are vampires. Howler is a werewolf. I'm not sure how to tell you what Frankie is. But they are all good.

Tom: Does she have to clarify that? Does she normally hang out with evil people?

Drak, in particular, just helped us delete Chimera."
"Chimera?! You nailed that sonofanull?!"

Mike: (Jo Ann) Until the sequel, yep.

"Yes. Drak did, that is," Jo Ann smiled.
"And you waited this long to tell me?!"
"I was trying to think of a way to bring it up," Jo Ann smiled. Azura began fussing and reached for Drak. Drak took her and held her, talking with the baby.

Crow: When considering a scene to include in your story, always make sure there's a point to it. This reminder brought to you by your readers. Readers: because they like to read things that are interesting.

Azura calmed down and gurgled at the young vampire.
"Ya coulda tried the direct approach!"
"Sorry, Coral."

Tom: (Jo Ann) My hesitation to inform you is a shame to my house and my family.

"So ya should be!" she grinned.
"When we nail Pixil, I'll try to tell you first," Jo Ann smiled.

Mike: (Jo Ann) Miss Whiney Pants just has to know everything first.

"Good!"

Crow: (Coral) You're not keeping anything else from me, are you? You haven't changed any light bulbs recently? Started using a new hair coloring?

Coral watched as Drak played with Azura. The Guardian-Searcher had not believed a vampire could be so loving.
"He's a vampire?!"
"Half-vampire, half-human. Born with a soul, and good at heart," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (Coral) So. . . how'd he get to be half vampire?

"Well, I'll be..."
"Go figure, right?"
"Oh yeah."

Mike: (Coral) So, anything else the audience is already painfully familiar with that you want to rehash so that you can avoid ending the story?

"Angel's simular. He is all vampire, but he, too, has a soul. He is indeed good."
"Hmm...curious..."

Crow: (Coral) Kind of odd how having a soul would make him good. You'd think it would be the other way around.

"Frankie and Howler are also half-human," Jo Ann said.
"Confuse me with science," Coral smiled.

Tom: Well, if you insist. The intrinsic conductivity of pure silicon depends exponentially on temperature, as an increase in thermal energy makes the material produce more electron-hole pairs, increasing the number of electrons in the conduction band. However, a lightly doped piece of semiconductor material, even with a one part in a million impurity, increases the number of carriers to the point where the intrinsic electron-holes are vastly outnumbered. Since the number of donor electrons (or acceptor ions) varies insignificantly with temperature, the conductivity of the material is not affected by temperature.
Mike: And?
Tom: And that's why bunnies have cute little fluffy tails.

"I have to run; gotta meeting."

Crow: (Coral) Colin's got the second off from the Dead Sprite Switch.

"Okay. See you later, maybe," Jo Ann waved to her as she continued on her way.

Mike: (Coral, muttering) Not if I can help it.

Monitor came to greet them.
"Monitor!" Jo Ann cried.
"Jo!" she hugged her.

Tom: (Jo Ann) Wow, it's been almost five pages, it's great to see you again!

"We came so that Turbo can put the circuirty in their icons. Plus, Buffy wants to go shopping," Jo Ann smiled, hugging her back.

Crow: (Jo Ann) Maybe a little cloning. We'll see how it goes.

"Wonderful!" Monitor hugged them. She smiled when she saw Drak with Azura.
"How is everyone?"
"Doing very well," Jo Ann smiled.
"Good..."

Mike: (Monitor) So, your supervillain's dead; that must be nice.

Azura gurgled when Drak let her hold his finger.
"She is lovely," Monitor smiled.

Tom: So, she's still lovely.

"Thank you," Jo Ann smiled. "She just adores Drak."
"I can see why..."
"Oh? Why?"
"He is a sweetheart," Monitor smiled, referring to Drak.

Crow: So, that wasn't in reference to Fred Flintstone. Thanks for clarifying.

"Yes. Isis will be a very lucky woman if Drak ever asks her to marry him."
Monitor nodded, "She's a lucky girl..." Turbo raised an eyebrow.

Mike: (Turbo) You're insulting my sexuality, aren't you?

"We are all lucky ladies, Monitor," Jo Ann smiled. "To have the men that we have."

Tom: (Jo Ann) You have Turbo. . . Isis has Drak. . . I have Bob. . .
Crow: (Monitor) Uh, Wild Card.
Tom: (Jo Ann) Right, Wild Card. . .

"Oh yes," she smiled.
"He'll make some lucky child a wonderful father," Jo Ann said, watching Drak with Azura.
Monitor nodded.

Mike: Buffy the Virus Slayer!
Crow: Though it's not really about Buffy and she never actually slew a virus as such. . .

Softly, Drak sang the lulaby that he had sung to Azura the night of the party.

Tom: (Drak) And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too. . . I'll see you on the dark side of the moon. . .

"That's lovely..." Monitor smiled. "What is it?"
"Just a song my mother used to sing to me when I was very little," Drak smiled.
"Its lovely..."
"Thanks."

Mike: (Monitor) It's lovely!

She smiled gently.
Azura closed her eyes and snuggled against Drak. She was soon fast asleep.
Monitor slipped to Turbo's side.

Mike: (Monitor) That's lovely!
Crow: Okay Mike.

"I know who to ask to babysit when you guys visit," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (Jo Ann) Or when I feel like yanking you out of time and space again.

Drak smiled.
One after another, Turbo added the ciruitry to the icons that would allow passage from the User World to the Computer World.

Mike: (Turbo) Just puttin' in a heuristic emulator here. . .

He gave a extra icon to Beth and two to Drak.
"Fer yer uncle, sis, an' mama," he explained.

Crow: (Turbo, gruffly) Merry Christmas.

He also gave an extra to Buffy. "Fer yer mama."
Buffy groaned slightly.
"Jest in case she finds out, an' wants ya ta bring her here," Turbo smiled.

Tom: It's frightening. It's like they're already assembling the thousands of people for the next story.
Crow: Dear God. . .

"She will..." Buffy groaned.
"Now," Dot smiled. "I think someone wanted to go shopping!"
"Oh yeah!""

Mike: Kool-Aid Man does!

"If we are done here..." Dot turned to Turbo.
Turbo smiled, "We're done..."
"Thanks, Uncle Turbo" Dot hugged him.
"You guys come ot tha house foah supper..." he smiled

Tom: (Turbo) We're having stereotypical Texan stuff.

"Sure!" Jo Ann smiled.
"Just be sure to order blood for Angel and Aunt Beth," Drak smiled.
"Roger that..."

Crow: (Turbo) Two bloods coming up.

"Later, then," Bob smiled.
"Later!" Turbo and Monitor smiled.
The group left the PO for the malls.

Tom: Oh God, we have to watch this now?

Milliseconds later,

(Silence for a moment.)

Mike: Wow.
Crow: They actually skipped through something we didn't care about! I can't believe it!

after a wonderful shopping trip, the Mainframers and Sunnydalers regrouped at Turbo's house.

Crow: Wait. . . I spoke too soon. . .
Tom: Does anyone care about this? Did they even care? Did they?
Mike: Why hasn't it stopped? Why?

Buffy pulled her heeled shoes off and sighed happily.

Crow: (Buffy) God I'm glad society expects me to wear uncomfortable footwear!

They waited for supper to be ready.
Buffy collapsed to a sitting position at Angel's feet and grinned up at him.
Angel grinned back, then sat down and joined her.

Mike: (spiritually drained) Why, was she coming apart?

(Tom does a half-hearted rimshot.)

"I got you some stuff..."

Crow: (Buffy) Did you bring the money?

"You did?"
"Yes," Buffy smiled.

Mike: (Buffy) Well, no.

Jo Ann sat between Wild Card and Drak. Azura had slept most of the day in Drak's arms.
Monitor came and joined them in the main room; she was dressed casually and hugged everyone.

Crow: Why do they have to point out that she's dressed? Is everyone else nude?

Drak rocked Azura gently.
Monitor held her long black hair in one hand

Tom: And her long red hair in the other.

as she bent to kiss the child.
"You know, Drak?" Jo Ann smiled. "Azura is going to be very unhappy when you go home."
"I know. But I'll come to visit as often as I can," he smiled back.

Mike: (Jo Ann) No, I mean take her with you.

Turbo called from the kitchen, "Supper's ready!"
"He cooks, too?!" Buffy smiled.
"He slices, he dices..." Monitor quipped.

Crow: (Monitor) He chops, cubes, blossoms, and balls! He also leads entire Guardian collectives! Now how much would you pay?

"Now, don't be quoting Mike, Monitor!" Bob laughed.
She winked and laughed.

Tom: It's funny because no one cares!

They filed into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Again, Jo Ann sat between Wild Card and Drak, in case Azura got hungry.

Mike: So she'd have someone to pass her off to.

Monitor hugged Turbo and helped him serve.
Turbo gave Angel and Beth their blood.

Crow: (Turbo) Let's see. . . you were the A positive and you were the decaf, right?

"Ah got some strange looks when Ah ordered this from tha butcher shop," he told them.
Monitor chuckled, "I imagine..."
"Did you tell them what it was for?" Beth asked.
"Nah...too many questions," he smiled.

Tom: (Turbo) So I just told them I was doing a pagan ritual.

Both Angel and Beth left the room to feed.
Buffy smiled at them

Crow: (Buffy) They're so adorable when they're in a fit of blood lust.

and pulled a box from her pocket.
"While he's gone, what do you think of this?" She opened the small box and showed them all a silver identity bracelet with "Angel" engraved on it.
"That's beautiful, Buffy!" Jo Ann smiled.

Mike: (Jo Ann) It's too bad you can't take digital materials back to the real world.

"Think he'll like it?"
"If he doesn't, you need to get a new boyfriend!" Cordy laughed.

Tom: (Cordy) Just kill him off. Males who don't like jewelry are worthless.

Buffy chuckled. "Easier said than done..."
Azura started to fuss.

Crow: (Azura) Why isn't the story over?

"Hungry, honey?" Drak asked her gently. Very carefully, he gave the baby back to her mother. Jo Ann smiled and took Azura in her arms. Monitor gave Jo Ann a towel,

Mike: Oh God. . .
Tom: Well, at least she's not smoking or something.

which the User Guardian used to cover her breast and the baby while Azura fed.
Buffy slid the box into her pocket when Beth and Angel returned.
Everyone else started on their meal.
"This is incredible, Uncle Turbo!" Dot smiled

Crow: (Dot) This is the best vague substance I've ever eaten!

"He sings, plays the guitar, and now, he cooks, too!" Jo Ann grinned. "What else can he do?"
Monitor and Turbo exchanged a cheeky grin.

(The guys clear their throats loudly.)

Jo Ann smiled. Turbo was a sprite of many talents, some of which, was best left untold.

Tom: Like how he can belch the alphabet.

"Soo..." Angel smiled.

Mike: (Angel) If we're done hinting at Turbo's sexuality. . .

"Yessss..." Buffy smiled at him.
He smiled at her, "Enjoying it?"

Crow: (Angel) The warm blood flowing through your veins? You like that?

"Enjoying what? My trip to the Super Computer or Turbo's cooking?"
"Either. Both," he smiled.

Tom: (Angel) Exclusive or. Nand.

"Love the trip. And Turbo's a great cook.

Mike: (Buffy) I never knew monkey brains were so light and gamey!

Maybe he and Mom could trade recipes!" Buffy grinned.
Turbo smiled. "Thank ya."
"Good excuse to get your mom in here," Willow smiled.

Crow: Hey, yeah! The sequel can be about Buffy's mom trading recipes with Turbo!
Tom: And then Chimera returns. . .
Crow: And then he sort of goes away for a while, and they spend the rest of the story trading recipes!

"Could I, like, leave her here?!"
"Buffy!" Dot looked shocked.

Mike: (Buffy) Oh, like you never wanted to trap your mom in another dimension.

The Slayer chuckled, but she said nothing.
"After we finish eating, I have something to give to all of you," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (Jo Ann) The end of the story!
Crow: Yay!

"Cool!"
Jade was fussy, so Dot fed her. Rob was asleep in Bob's arms.
The dinner was devoured by all.

Mike: Like dragons raiding a village.
Crow: See, now that's what this story needs.

When dinner was over, the group went into the living room.
Buffy caught Angel's hand as the group headed in. She left the box in his hand and walked on.

Tom: (Buffy) Just stay calm. . . act like you didn't just plant an explosive. . . dum de dum. . .

As everyone got settled down, Jo Ann handed a sleepy Azura to Drak to hold. She then produced a large box from the air, using her User Magic.

Tom: A-a-and Chimera was in the box!
Mike: Tom. . . it's almost over. Just let it go.
Tom: I can't Mike! I have to believe that something's going to happen before the story ends! It's the only thing keeping me going!

Meanwhile, Angel had opened the box and found the bracelt.
"Buffy!" he smiled, his eyes wide open. "For me?"
"I don't know any other Angels..."

Crow: (Buffy) Except Michael Landon.

Grinning, Angel leaned over and hugged her to him.
"Look on the other side," she whispered and twisted the bar over. On the other side the words "Eternally, Buffy xxx"

Crow: Buffy XXX? Now that might be something to --
Mike: They're kisses, okay? An "x" is a kiss.

were engraved in smaller type than the "Angel".
Still smiling, Angel kissed her.
"I mean it..." she whispered.

Tom: (Buffy) Really. "Eternally Buffy XXX". From the bottom of my heart.

Jo Ann and the others smiled as they watched the two lovebirds.
Angel sat down and Buffy found her spot on his lap.

Crow: (Buffy) Let's see. . . where did I leave that spot. . .

Now, Jo Ann began to hand out the contents of the box:

Mike: Fudgicles for everyone!
Tom: Yay! Fudgicles!

Gold bracelets with the Guardian icon made of gold and onyx stones.
"Wow! This is gorgeous!" Cordy exclaimed.

Crow: What do you expect? Jo Ann made them.

"It's your communications devices. Just tap it and say,'Mainframe', then, whoever you want to talk to," she explained.

Mike: (Jo Ann) Five dollars for the first minute, fifty cents each additional minute.

"Cool!"
"To come to Mainframe, just tap your icons and say, 'Reboot: Mainframe'. You'll appear in Mainframe.

Tom: (Jo Ann) Then you'll be in Mainframe.

Give a specific location in Mainframe, like the PO, and that's where you'll appear."
"KEWL!" Xander exclaimed.

Crow: +hA+ R0x d00DZ!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!

"A list of our e-mail addys are in the communicaters.

Mike: (Jo Ann) And it's a calculator, thesaurus, alarm clock, and personal organizer in one!

Just tap it, and ask for the addy you want. It will give you the correct one, even if someone else has the same name."

Tom: (Jo Ann) Because it's magic and I'm perfect.

"Wonderful!" Willow exclaimed.
"I bought something for Azura, Jade, and Rob," Drak said. "It's not something they need right now, but they will."

Mike: (Jo Ann) False teeth! You shouldn't have!

The vampire reached into a shopping bag that sat on the floor between his feet.
"What is it?" Dot asked.
"These," Drak smiled.

Crow: (Dot) Umm, yeah, but I'm asking what they are.

He got out three teething rings and gave them to the mothers. Azura's had little plastic fairies, unicorns, mermaids, Guardian icons and glitter floating inside the water-filled plastic bubbles. Jade's had icons and flowers, while Rob's had icons and tiny keytools.

Tom: You know, the battle with Chimera was shorter than the description of the teething rings. You know that, right?

"Ohmigosh!! How cute!" Dot exclaimed.
"Thank you, Drak! That was very sweet of you!" Jo Ann smiled. She gave him a little kiss on the cheek. He smiled.

Tom: (Drak) D'awww, shucks. . .

"Leave it to a vamp to think of teething rings!" Xander laughed.
"Of course!" Drak grinned at him. Everyone laughed with them.

Mike: (deadpan) Ha ha ha ha vampires have teeth ha ha ha ha ha.

Frankie produced pacifers, while Howler gave the babies bottles.
The parents were all surprised.

Crow: (Dot) Males who thought to buy gifts? Will wonders never cease!

Angel smiled. His gifts for the babies were stuffed teddy bears with little fangs.

Tom: Good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.

"Where did you get those?!" Buffy squealed. "That is sooo cute!"
"I saw the bears at a toymaker's shop, and had him add the fangs," Angel grinned.

Mike: (Angel) I feel children should fear their toys.

Buffy chuckled, "Its cute!"
The mothers gave Angel hugs.
"We should go soon..." Giles said sadly.

Crow: You should've left eighty pages ago!

"Yes," Drak sighed. The threat of Chimera was over.

Tom: The authors were developing carpal tunnel syndrome.

And they had lives back in Sunnydale.
"Mom is gonna be wondering where I am..."
"Yes," Willow said. "So will ours."

Mike: They're worried about what their parents think?
Crow: Okay, these are not real teenagers.

"So soon?" Jenny looked crushed.
"We can always come and visit whenever we want," Drak pointed out.
"I know..." she smiled sadly.

Tom: (Jenny) I guess I'll just have to wait for the sequel.

Drak held Azura. He wanted to hold her for as long as possible before he left.
"You''d like that, wouldn't you, Azura?" he smiled at the baby.

Mike: (Azura) Are you going to feed me? Either feed me or give me someone who will.

Jenny was crying silently, her head on Giles' shoulder.
Drak continued to talk and play with Azura, making the remaining time he had with her count.

Crow: (singing) Baby baby, please let me hold her. . . I wanna make her stay up all night. . .

They said their good-byes.
"I think Uncle Dracula would love you, Azura.

Crow: (Drak) He loves fresh young --
Mike: I cannot stress enough how important it is that you don't finish that.

He's a grumpy, old vampire sometimes, but I bet he'd lighten up if he met you," Drak smiled at the baby.
"He would!" Beth grinned.

Tom: He already said that! Dammit, stop repeating everything everyone says!

Very carefully, Drak handed Azura back to Jo Ann, but he let her hold his finger for a while longer.
"If you ever need me, call. I'll be here," Drak smiled. He kissed Azura on the cheek, then looked over to Wild Card.

Crow: (Wild Card) Hey. How about a little sugar for the Bob surrogate?

The bounty hunter, sencing what the vampire wanted, smiled and nodded. Drak smiled back and then kissed Jo Ann on her cheek.
"You can call me 'brother', if you so wish."
"And you can call me, 'sister', Drak," Jo Ann smiled.

Tom: (Jo Ann) But don't call me daughter. The picture kept will remind you.

Buffy and the others said goodbye.

Mike: And they left, The End!

The Slayer hugged her erst-while sparring partners, Matrix and Turbo, especially affectionatly.
"Ya fight well, Guardian Buffy," Turbo grinned at her.

Crow: This is longer than a Minnesota Thanksgiving goodbye! End!

"'Guardian Buffy'!" the Slayer smiled, "I haven't the discipline! And you're pretty good yourself."
Howler looked at Bob meaningfully.

Tom: (singing) Near. . . far. . . whereever you are. . .

He hoped that the feelings he had had on that fatefull second was nothing but overreactions to the adrenlain that had been running through his body when Drak had plunged his sword into Chimera's heart.

Mike: Look, we all know where this is going! Stop pretending that you're not setting up for your next story!

Bob nodded quietly.

Crow: Because, you know, normally when he nods he raises a racket that wakes up the whole neighborhood.

Moonsong came up to Howler and whined, putting up a silvery paw.
Howler croached down and smiled.
Moonsong put his muzzle to Howler's.

Crow: (Moonsong) We'll always have Paris.

Farewell, my brother. Until we meet again, Moonsong sent to Howler.
Farewell, Moonsong...

Tom: (Howler) I'll see you in the big hunt before too long.

Jo Ann smiled at the two. She went over to Howler and gave him a hug.
"Goodbye, Howler. Come back soon."
"I hope so, JoJo..."

Mike: (Howler) But I gotta get back to where I once belonged.

Matrix shook hands with Frankie. "Later, Frankie," the renagade smiled.
"Take care, Matrix..."
Now Matrix turned to Drak. He put out his hand to the vampire.
Drak smiled, "Look after yourself..."
"You too, Drak," Matrix grinned.

(Sighs)

Crow: Settle in, guys. We've got a big cast to go through here.

"We never did have that race, did we?"

(Screams of panic)

Tom: No! Forget about it! Don't do that now!

"No, we didn't. Next time, then."
"Yeah," Drak smiled. "Next time."

(Sighs of relief.)

"Gives me time to practice a little."
Andri flung her arms around Drak's neck and gave the surprised vampire a kiss.
"What was that for!" Drak laughed.
"Just 'cos," she smiled. "Come back soon and bring your bike!"

Mike: (Andri) Or I won't love you!

"I will. I have two bikes: A racer and a Harley. The Harley is for regular riding around."
"Bring 'em both!" the Slayer-sprite smiled.

Crow: (Andri) And give them to me, and then go away!

"Sure thing!" Drak smiled. "And maybe my jetski!"
"Neat!!"
Angel came up to Jo Ann and Azura.
"Take care.." he smiled.

Tom: (Jo Ann) No. I don't wanna.

"You too, Angel," Jo Ann gave him a kiss on the cheek. Angel looked down at Azura and smiled.
"I can't touch her..." he explained, as he placed Jo's hand on the baby.

Mike: (Angel) I'll get stuff on me.

"Even if your intentions are good? I thought the spell would only keep you from attacking her, not loving her," Jo Ann asked. She looked sad.
"It protects the baby from the touch of a vampire. Drak's half-human, so he can touch her...

Crow: You know, being half-vampire sounds an awful lot like being completely human.
Tom: (to Mike) Hey, maybe you're half-vampire.
Mike: Huh. Never know.

but..." Buffy came up behind them.
Jo Ann looked saddly at the vampire. Such a good one, a vampire she could trust with the life of her child, and he could not touch her to say goodbye.

Tom: Does he need to touch her? Since when does a goodbye require physical contact?

Angel smiled at her, "Don't worry, Jo. There are lots of things I can't do because of what I am..."

Mike: (Angel) Do you know how long it's been since I've had a bologna sandwich?

Jo Ann touched her index and middle fingers to Azura's lips, then touched them to Angel's cheek.
"Then this will be as close to a kiss from her as you'll ever get," she smiled saddly.

Crow: (Jo Ann) You'll never get her good stuff.

Angel smiled and hugged Jo. Buffy had a supporting arm on his back.
Jo Ann smiled and touched the two fingers to his lips.
"Give her a kiss like this?" she smiled.
He smiled and kissed the finger-tips.

Tom: No one shall be admitted during the stirring, climactic "figuring out how to let Angel give Azura a kiss" scene!
Mike: You know, I think that was about the most thought they had to give to a problem so far in this story.

Jo Ann then placed the fingers on Azura's cheek. "A kiss from Angel, Azura," she said softly to the baby.
Azura smiled sleepily.
Buffy smiled at the little blue baby.

Crow: (Buffy) Duh, she's blue and stuff.

"Good bye, Azura." She looked up and hugged the User Guardian. "Take care, Pink Ranger..." she joked.
"You, too, Guardian Buffy," Jo Ann grinned and joked back.
The Slayer smiled at her.

Tom: (Buffy) Ha ha! Well met!

Both Frankie and Howler went to say their goodbyes to Azura. Frankie also said goodbye to Jo Ann.
Soon the reunited Drak Pack and all the Sunnydalers were ready to leave.

Mike: But not soon enough.
Crow: Just think. If Buffy had just killed everyone at the beginning when she had a chance. . .

All except one reluctant Watcher.
"You can go home simply by tapping your icon and saying:

Mike: (Jo Ann) "There's no place like home."

'Reboot: Home'," Jo Ann told them.

Mike: (Buffy, quickly) Reboot: home
Tom: (Xander, quickly) Reboot: home
Crow: (Cordy, quickly) Reboot: home
Mike: (Giles, quickly) Reboot: home
Tom: (Oz, quickly) Reboot: home
Crow: (Willow, quickly) Reboot: home
Mike: (Angel, quickly) Reboot: home

But since you came by my portal, you can leave the same way." Slowly, saddly, Jo Ann created the silver portal to the User's World; the one portal that she, herself, could never use.

Tom: She was just too far gone into her own little world.

"Come back to us soon."
They waved. Giles gave Jenny one last bittersweet kiss and left Mainframe with tears in his eyes.

Crow: (Giles) It's so terrible that she came back from the dead!

[Safe journey home, and speedy journey back, friends!] Jo Ann, Bob, and Monitor said in Web Rider.

Mike: (Buffy) Hey, did anyone else hear that kinda staticy noise?

Moonsong let out a long mornfull howl. The Mainframers could almost believe that they heard Howler's answering howl.
Back in Sunnydale, Buffy gave her Watcher a hug, and let him cry

Tom: (Buffy) It's okay. The crossover is done now. We can go back to being intelligent again.

for Jenny.
Drak looked at his communicator. "I'll be back soon, Mainframe. I promice!"

Crow: (Drak) And this time I'll steal your bike!

Isis went up to him. He slipped his arms around her and drew her close. He pressed his lips to hers, giving her a long, passionate kiss.

Mike: (Drak) I love you trophy bride.
Tom: (Isis) I love you stock hero.

Two groups of heroes resumed their lives, grateful to have

Crow: Gotten rid of each other.

crossed paths with each other and confident that they would one day meet again. The Sunnydalers adventures in Mainframe had only just begun.

Mike: And by "begun" we mean "ended".

THE END

(Loud, long cheers of relief)

Tom: We did it! A hundred and something dozen pages and we did it!
Mike: See? What did I tell you guys? I KNEW we could make it!
Crow: Yes! YES! (Starts singing) We are the champions, my friend...

(or is it...?)

Mike: (In horror) Oh. . . dear. . . Lord...
Tom: No. NO! NO MORE SEQUELS! DON'T YOU DARE WRITE ANY! I'M GOING TO KILL THEM! AUUGH!

(Tom makes a flying lunge at the screen but Mike grabs him)

Mike: Whoa! Whoa. Steady down Servo. Just calm down...
Tom: (Scared) Nnh! No more! No! No...
Mike: I think he's delirious.
Crow: Come on you schmucks, we're free! Let's move!
Mike: Yes! To freedom!

(Mike and Crow sing "Freedom" as they leave.)

(Exit sequence)

(Back on the SOL bridge. Mike, Crow, Tom, and Gypsy are all present and accounted for.  There's an open bag of cookies nearby and everyone has a champagne glass full of milk.  Servo's busy at a computer.)

Mike: You know, Tom, you don't have to do that.

Tom: Oh yes I do Mike.  As good-hearted beings, it is our duty to make sure that no one ever has to go through something like that ever again.  And if I don't write the abridged version of ReBuffy, who's going to?

Mike: Well, I guess you got a point.  So, how much longer do you think --

Tom:  There!  Done!  After removing all the plot lines that went nowhere, the redundant exposition, and the rest of the general crap, I, Tom Servo, have reduced the story, themes, and soul of ReBuffy to their simplest, purest form.

Mike: Uh huh.  Cambot, put that up on still-store.

Buffy The Virus Slayer
By: Amazon and Buffy
Abridged by: Tom Servo

Once upon a time, Buffy and her friends and some other guys all went to Mainframe.  A few days later, they may or may not have killed a virus.  Then they went shopping.

The End

Mike:  Huh.  Well, looks like you touched all the bases.

Crow: I dunno.  It still seems a little long to me.

Tom:  Hmmm.  Maybe I should cut the part where they go shopping?

Mike: Couldn't hurt.

Crow: Well guys, it's much more than two hours later, and not only does it seem really unlikely that anything will return to normal, but this whole series seems to be pretty much collapsing in on itself.

Servo: I wonder what future adventures await the wily crew of the Satellite of Love, now that we're free of our captors.

Mike: Well, since we seem to be stuck in this whole computer-generated reality thing, I was thinking we should find a nice system somewhere and settle down.

Crow: Please, Mike; like the world needs another "User living among the sprites" story. I was thinking we should check out the Supercomputer, see if they've got any information to perfect our time machine so that it doesn't overdose the passengers with radiation, maybe take it back to our normal place in the space-time continuum.

Servo: One thing's for sure -- the future is wide open for us.

Mike: You said it. Gypsy, let's break out of Mainframe's orbit and cruise around for a while.

Gypsy: Are you guys completely nuts?

(The guys are a bit surprised by this response.)

Crow: Uh, what do you mean, Gypse?

Gypsy: We still don't know what happened to Bob! Don't you think we should check in on him, see if he's all right?

Servo: Oh come on, he's a big boy. Besides, he's finally back to Mainframe. It's just what he always wanted.

Mike: No, Gypsy's right; we have to see what Megabyte's done with him. Okay, Cambot, put a trace on the Widowmaker.

Gypsy: We're locked on. Receiving visual from Rocket Number Nine. Putting it up on monitor one.

(Cut to the outside of what appears to be the Silicon Tor. The Widowmaker has been neatly parked in front.)

(Cut to Megabyte's throne room. Megabyte is sitting in his throne. He turns to face the camera, somewhat surprised.)

Megabyte: Ah! So you made it after all. How wonderful. You may be wondering why the Tor is still standing. Actually, so am I. It breaks every lingering shred of continuity we have going here. Still, you can't look a gift null in the mouth, that's what I always say.

(Bob and Dot enter.)

Dot: Hey, wait a nano! This isn't the Dairy Queen! (She turns to run, but Bob holds her.)

Megabyte: Why, thank you Bob. Excellent work.

Bob: Hey, live to serve ya. (looks up at the monitor -- or should that be a vidwindow?) Hi guys. I'm infected now. Isn't that great?

Dot: Megabyte! I thought we got rid of you days ago!

Megabyte: (dismissively) Eh. Now, what should I do with this pretty little thorn that's been twisting in my side for so long? Erase you with a magnet? Feed you to a pit of ravenous nulls? Pull your hairs out one by one and place them on your eyes? No, all far too easy. Nothing fitting for. . .

(He turns to face Mike and the 'bots and suddenly has that winning grin.)

Megabyte: I have just a fun idea. . . (He opens up a window and starts fiddling around with it.)

(Back to the SOL.)

Gypsy: Oh no! He's overriding all my protocols! I'm losing control of the ship!

Servo: Aw, crap. I knew we should've just left.

Crow: Yeah, good one, Mike!

Mike: Me? But I was just. . .

(Back to the throne room. Bob and Megabyte are stuffing Dot into a capsule. The door slides closed and she's trapped inside.)

Megabyte: (turning toward Mike and the 'bots) Set an extra place for dinner. You're having company.

(Bob and Megabyte laugh in sadistic glee. Dot pounds on the door of the capsule.)

Bob: (laughing uncontrollably) Set an extra place, he says! That is rich! Where does he come up with this stuff? (continues laughing)

(Megabyte suddenly looks uncomfortable and walks away. It takes Bob a few nanos to realize he's alone and that he looks completely stupid, then he walks away too.)

Dot: Help?

Credits