(Everyone walks in and finds a seat.)

Mike: Yep, here comes the new boss.
Servo: Same as the old boss.

The Quest

Crow: If this is going to be a navy recruitment video. . .

By: stay_frosty

Mike: Edited by i_don't_think_so.
Servo: Pictures by not_good_definately_not_good.
Crow: Based on an idea by what_is_it_with_you_and_bikes.
Dot: Adapted for television by this_is_bad_very_bad.


Servo: Or, "Let's not leave a single surprise for the audience."

Blade is a tight-fisted guardian

Mike: Who doesn't play by the rules. Catch her this fall on UPN.

with virus ridding on her mind.

Servo: Virus riding? That's kind of a weird --
Crow: Ridding. Virus ridding.

Also on her mind is her quest:

Mike: She seeks the Holy Grail!

a quest to find Bob and deliver a diploma to Matrix for retrieving Bob from the

Dot: He graduated from his "Retrieving Bob From the Web" class.

She knows her destination lies in Mainframe. She carries with her the memory of
her Daemon murdered family.

Crow: Ooo, I had some Daemon-murdered sea bass once. It was delightful.
Dot: Wow. Her whole family?
Servo: Yep. Angst story standard.

She doesn't intend on becoming soft-hearted,

Mike: But she did have a family history of it, and she didn't watch her cholesterol. . .

but meets up with a sympathetic and heroic sprite and can't refuse.

Rating: PG, for violence

Servo: Violence, for all your angsty story needs.
Mike: Hey, at least they told us at the beginning so the kids can more easily find the gorey ones.

"I come from the net.

Dot: Hey, I've been there!

Through systems peoples and cities to carry on my quest.

Crow: To win Ben Stein's money!

My format: Guardian. To mend and defend.

Servo: And blow things up.

To defend my newfound friends and fulfill my destiny.

Mike: To be the King of Pain.

To defend the net from its enemies and from my own.

Crow: And from the Bumpus dogs.

To avenge my family.
They say that Daemon is a super-virus.

Dot: Which one?

The one infecting all guardians and bringing them to her side.

Dot: Oh, that one.

It's not for sure

Mike: (Blade) It might just be everyone's imagination.

but I intend to find outů ReBoot!"

Chapter 1

Blade awoke with a massive headache. The memories just started pouring through her mind.

Crow: (Blade) Wow, what a wedding reception. Let's see. . . booze. . . hitting on the bride. . . toothpaste fight. . . hostages. . . where'd I get the traffic cone?. . .

She distinctively remembered her keytool being rendered useless by a viral codemaster.

Servo: Then something about a squirrel costume. . .

She also remembered being knocked out and thrown in a cubicle-like room.

Mike: (Blade) Oh that's right, I'm guest starring on Dilbert.

"Ouch," she mused casually

Dot: (Blade) What a delightful concussion I've got!

as she examined her surroundings. She was in a prison somewhere. She had committed no crime

Crow: I mean, who doesn't fudge their taxes every now and then?

so she knew this was no ordinary prison.

Servo: It was one of those "special" prisons.

It was a viral prison. A prison in which, if you didn't go mad within a certain time, they would torture you to deletion.

Dot: (Blade) Well, I'd better get cracking if I want to go random in time.
Crow: (Blade) Where's my Napolean outfit? Oh, I hate working under pressure like this!

She sat up on her cold bed and immediately started to feel chlostrophobic in the dark cell.

Mike: (Author) Is chlostrophobia fear of the dark? Ah, who's going to notice?

She started to get dizzy until she remembered her keytool. "Oh no!" she hissed. "I didn't lose it, did I?"

Dot: (Blade) I sure hope it wasn't deactivated by a viral Codemaster!

She peered down at her wrist. It was gone!

Mike: (Blade) You mean, they didn't leave me with a weapon when they threw me in here? Talk about a tough prison!

She worried momentarily. "Oh yeah! No problem! Switch, COME!

Dot: Switch? Isn't that a little. . .
Mike: We know. We've seen it all before.

I feel like I'm talking to a dog!"

Servo: Oh no. . . that was the comic relief, wasn't it?

With that the keytool flew from a neighboring room

Crow: So. . . deactivated by viral Codemasters. . .
Servo: Yep.
Mike: Nice of her captors to leave her keytool free to return to her.

and crashed into her wrist and stuck. "Ow! You have to work on that, Switch", she said, for the keytool smashed against her wrist with such force that

Crow: It hurt. Right. We follow.

she stumbled backward. Blade shut her eyes and sucked in a deep breath to regain her control.

Servo: (Blade) Urge to kill falling. . . falling. . .


Mike: Umm, hello?
Dot: What, is that it? Can we go?

Servo: Is something wrong in the projection room? What is this?
Crow: Wiggle the plug or something!

When she opened her eyes

Mike: Oh, here we go.
Crow: Oh, I get it. She had her eyes closed. Neat.

she felt normal again. She smiled, then heard a shuffling noise next to her.

Servo: Oh, there was a poker table there all the time!

In the neighboring cubicle lay a man curled up in a corner whimpering.

Dot: Those cruel viruses, they took his nookie!

Not a binome, she noticed, but a data sprite.Obviously the sprite noticed her gaze and looked up at her. Blade had a frown planted on her face

Mike: (Blade) I disapprove of your prisoner-ness!

but it faded when she saw the man's face.

Crow: (Blade) Say, he's a foxy one. . .

"Bob?' she questioned in awe. "Bob is that you?

Servo: (figure, leeringly) It could be. . .

What in the net happened to you?"

Mike: (singing) It's bad enough you do it, you do it to yourself. . .
Bots: Hey!

she asked, for the man's face was gold unlike Bob's face, which was blue.

Crow: (Blade) Bob? Did you know you got the wrong color makeup for your Tinman costume?

The man shut his eyes and shook his head.

Dot: (figure) Mom said not to talk to strangers.

If he wasn't Bob then who was he?

Crow: What are you asking us for? Geez!

"Who are you?"

The man struggled to get up as if he had been in that position for a long time.

Mike: (figure) 'Scuse me a minute, just gotta bend my spine back into shape.

When he finally stood he opened his eyes slowly

Servo: (figure) Be with you in just a second. Yep. One name, coming right up.

and met Blade's questioning glare. He shut his eyes again

Dot: (figure) Well, if that's her attitude, forget it.

and fought for the words to speak.

Crow: (figure) Geez, what was my name again? I know it's on my underwear; can I check without her noticing?

He hung his head again. Finally he stood tall and with newfound energy he told her, "I am Robert Cursor,

Mike: Wait, didn't he die?
Servo: Maybe this is from before he was killed.
Dot: You know who he is?
Mike: Yeah, he was this William Shatner parody that Matrix met while he was Game hopping.
Dot: William Shatner. . . (starts paging through the reference book)

but you can call me Cursor. And you?"

" Blade," she replied, "Guardian 451."

(Chuckles from the crew)

Crow: (Blade) I became a Guardian directly ahead of Bob 'cause I'm better than him.

Cursor hung his head again and raised it.

Mike: Oh, he's one of those bobbing head dolls.

He obviously was at a loss for energy. Eventually he managed to talk again.

Servo: Yeah, we were all looking forward to that.

"I'm sorry I haven't been very active.

Crow: (Cursor) I haven't gotten out much since my imprisonment.
Dot: (reading) William Shatner, see Star Trek. . .
Servo: Look, don't bother, we'll tell you later.

I'm lucky I have my sanity. The viruses will come to delete me soon," Cursor said.

Mike: (Cursor) Admittedly, I'm not so lucky about that.

"Don't worry, Cursor. Your freedom awaits you,"

Crow: (Blade) And I hope you find it real soon. Bye!

Blade said. With that.

Servo: Oh, with that.

she attached her icon to Switch so that it could download energy from her code.

Mike: (Blade) Whoops, too much, I'm dead.
Dot: Nice of the viruses to also leave her icon with her.
Crow: Well, it's not like they could use it to control her or anything.

After that had been done she commanded, "Switch! Ultra Cutters!" Switch transformed into a tiny blade

Servo: (Blade) That's an "ultra cutter"? If I get my hands on the jerk who sold me these plugins. . .

and ripped through the bars separating Blade and Cursor.

Mike: (Blade) We'll tear this wall out here, maybe turn this into a master bedroom. . .

"Whoa," whispered Cursor.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Blade stated enthusiastically. She immediately shouted at Switch to silence

Mike: (patting him on the shoulder) Okay. . .

and continued working on cutting down the prison gates. She was successful in finishing them off.

Dot: She was quite pleased with her success.

She blew on them

Servo: She huffed and she puffed and she blew the bars in.

and the prison bars fell to the ground. They made a loud crash when they fell which caused the guards and viral codemasters to come running.


Mike: (Blade) Uh, whoops. Heh heh. . . Sort of forgot we were supposed to be quiet there. Sorry.

They pulled their guns from their belts and switched off safety.

Servo: Then they made sure their guns weren't loaded, carefully inserted the live rounds. . .
Crow: They're evil, but they follow the rules of hunter safety meticulously.

"Switch, magnet," she shouted.

Dot: Umm. . . is that such a good idea?

As was predicted, Switch turned into a giant magnet and

Mike: Erased them all.

(Dot shudders.)

Mike: You okay there?
Dot: Sorry. . . I got hit by one of those once. . . you don't forget something like that. . .

pulled all of the guns away from her foes. Blade threw the guns to the floor and pulled out her own guns from their resting positions in their holsters.

Servo: Oh, and they also didn't take her guns when they threw her in prison.
Crow: It wasn't an ordinary prison; it was a really, really stupid prison.

She pulled the triggers rapidly causing the viral guards to vanish in a liquid-like cloud.

Mike: Liquid-like?
Crow: Isn't it great that we can kill without blood, bodies, pain, or remorse?

After securing her pistols, she walked over to Cursor's open cell and offered her hand. Cursor smiled and took it.

Dot: (Cursor) Just smile at the crazy killer woman. . .

She pulled him to his feet and put a hand on his shoulder. "Told ya didn't I?" she beamed.

Servo: (Blade) See? I just beat all the viruses in the world! Let's get a coke.

Cursor just smiled again.

Mike: (Cursor, nervous) Umm. . . yes. . . you certainly told me. . . ha ha. . .

"We better get going unless we want more company," Blade added.

Crow: (Blade) So let's go. More pizza rolls for us.

Cursor nodded

Servo: Nodded what?

his head

Servo: Ah. . .

and tapped his icon for his zip-board. Blade did the same.

Dot: (Cursor) Umm, could you tap your own icon please?

Chapter 2

Crow: What, that's it?
Mike: Well, I'm glad we knew about their mode of transportation before the chapter break. Really put my mind at ease.

Portals and Game Cubes

Servo: You know, ReBoot stuff.

The guards were catching up to the pair as they sped off. Cursor seemed drained. The guards and viral ABC's were catching up to them.

Crow: Cursor seemed drained.

Blade glanced over at Cursor and put a hand on his wrist. He gave a confused look

Mike: (Cursor) Are we married now?

but Blade stared blankly ahead. Suddenly he realized why her hand was on his wrist,

Dot: It was because she put it there!

for they began to speed faster and faster toward a dropping game cube. The cube had almost dropped. "AHHHHHHH,"

Crow: (Cursor) The refreshing taste of Pepsi!

Cursor screamed as they raced at the speed of light toward the cube.

Servo: Completely consuming their entire mass and destroying them.

Just before they made it, Cursor's zip-board fell out from under his feet.

Mike: (Cursor) Oh great, the viruses syphoned my gas!

He shouted in surprise. Just as he was about to fall to the ground a far way below them,

Dot: So he didn't actually fall yet? He's just sort of hovering there?

Blade slipped her arm around his waist and pulled him onto her zip-board. Cursor smiled meekly as he held onto Blade

Crow: And sliced his hand open.

to keep himself from falling. They were right under the game cube when Blade screamed, "Switch! Hidden file command!"

Servo: (Switch) Geez, I'm right here! You don't have to shout!
Crow: (Switch) Man, and you give me the silence command!

Cursor was wondering if he had the strength to play a game when suddenly he found himself standing next to Blade about two miles away from the game cube.

Mike: Umm. . . what?
Dot: Did we skip the part about their sudden teleportation?
Servo: Well, they were going the speed of light. You've got to expect some weird stuff happens.

Obviously the guards thought the two were in the game

Servo: Well, sure, I can see why they'd. . . huh?

so they disappeared into the cosmic purple glow. Blade sighed heartily and pointed out, "They won't be bothering us for a while."

Dot: Meanwhile, the second search party caught up with them.

Cursor laughed and asked

Crow: What the hell just happened.

how in the net she planned on getting away from the viruses.

Mike: (Blade) Umm, we just did. Didn't we?
Servo: (Cursor) I dunno. That action sequence could've meant anything.

"Watch and learn," she whispered. With the saying of those words, she commanded switch to open a tear.

Dot: But. . . but tears are created by instabilities in the system. You can't just. . .
Crow: The less you worry about it, the less it hurts.

The tear looked strange in this viral infected system.

Servo: It had a lot more teeth.

The core had a purple-colored glow to it.

Mike: Hey, it's got a chewy radioactive center!

"Are you sure this is a stable tear?" Cursor asked.

Dot: Is there such a thing as a stable tear?

"Don't worry. Like they say, never judge a tear by its core!" she joked.

Dot: Wait. . . what? Is that supposed to mean something?
Crow: Yeah. . . it means the author was really stretching to find a computer analogy.

"Very funny," he said. "Now how do you suppose a tear will help us?"

Servo: (Blade) We'll live in it, silly!

"Well, brainiac, we stabilize this tear into a portal and umů

Mike: (Blade) Dahhh. . .


Servo: (Blade) No, don't tell me now. . . we add the rice and bake it?

portalize ourselves

(Snickers from the crew.)

to another system."


Dot: (Blade) Sorry, I meant "portalify".

Blade laughed it off

Mike: (Blade) Just pretend he's the idiot.

and commanded Switch to stabilize the tear.

Servo: (Blade) Switch! Commence stabilificization!

"So it looks like you've regained your energy, mr. motor-mouth," she laughed.

Crow: (Blade) Motor-mouth, that's perfect! God, where do I come up with this stuff?

"Well actually if you told me to do a back-flip

Dot: (Cursor) I'd ask you to land us first.

I would tell you to drop deleted," Cursor remarked. "I'm not really very choc-full-o-energy.

Mike: (Cursor) Nor am I particularly brimming-o'er-with-physical-ability.

It's just that before I was depressed in thinking I would never leave that prison still functioning. Also they smashed me in the head pretty hard."

Crow: (Cursor) That sort of thing always seems to get me down.

"I see," Blade said,

Servo: (Blade) So you're a puss.

"But instead of exchanging pleasantries I propose that we get our bitmaps outta here before they delete us both."

Mike: Wow. . . the characters. . . they're going to stop talking and do something. . . I forgot what this was like. . .
Crow: See Mike? There is life after ReBuffy.

Cursor agreed soon enough

Dot: But not immediately? Did he have to weigh the pros and cons of each alternative?

to watch the viral ABC's retreat from the game cube, infuriated.

Servo: (Guard) You trapped us in "The Streets of Sim City"! You're going to pay now!

Blade finished the portal in the nick of time and the two vanished from

Crow: Existance?


Crow: Damn.

Chapter 3
The Pleasantry Process

Mike: And suddenly the story becomes a guide to ettiquette.

The pair looked around them as they stood in the center of a rather large system. "We better get somewhere soon," Cursor remarked.

Dot: (Cursor) To get away from those viruses.
Servo: (Blade) Look, I told you, they're gone, okay?

"If I don't get where they're selling energy shakes soon,

Crow: (Cursor) I'll have to wait a little longer.

you'll be carrying me."

Blade laughed

Dot: (Blade) He's dying of starvation and it's funny!

and pointed at the diner not too far from them. Since her code was the only thing keeping switch going, there was no navigational system.

Servo: Oh, so that's why they were. . . huh?

She couldn't just open a portal directly to Mainframe.

Crow: Or else the story would be over too fast.

They would just have to hop from system to system using

Mike: Game Cubes.


Servo: No, it's portals, Mike. See? It's completely different from the way Matrix and AndrAIa were trying to get back to Mainframe.
Mike: Yep, I see your point.

"So where are you heading?" Blade questioned. They were sitting at a booth in the diner. It wasn't Mainframe, but it would do for now.

"Nowhere in particular,"

Crow: (Cursor) Though I am merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily on my way.

Cursor replied with a smirk, "I'm just going where my zip-board takes me."

Dot: (Blade) Oh, I'm sorry. I should have let you plummet to certain deletion then?

The two sprites exchanged conversation for what seemed like minutes.

Servo: But it was really dull, so we cut that part out.
Mike: Nice, isn't it?
Servo: Oh yeah.

Cursor had drunk about 5 energy shakes and was looking kind of woozy.

Crow: (Cursor) Yeah, sho I had a couple, jusht gimme my keysh. . .

"Energized now, Cursor?" Blade asked. Cursor answered her question with a solitary burp.

(Chuckles from the guys.)

Dot: (Blade) Oh Cursor, you always know just what to say!

"You never told me where you were heading." Cursor

Crow: Belched.


Blade sighed and answered, "I'm on a mission.

Servo: (singing) A girl with a gun. . . I got a picture in my pocket of the lucky one. . .

I have to get to Mainframe to deliver a diploma.

Mike: (Blade) Some shmuck caught all 150 Pokemon.

I was wondering, if you're not going anywhere in particular,

Crow: (Blade) Could you go very far away from me?

would you like to come to Mainframe with me?"

Cursor replied with a

Servo: Fart.
Mike: Okay, that's enough.

yes and since the night was waning fast they decided to stop portal-hopping for the hour

Dot: A whole hour?
Servo: Well, it's her destiny and everything, but she's got to use up all those vacation seconds, or she'll lose them.

and find someplace to log off. They found a sector with a motel eventually. They checked in, and since they were both drained,

Crow: (Blade) Wow, all that portalationity really takes it out of you.

they logged off instantly. It was crude but simple.

Mike: Short yet brief.
Servo: Dull yet uninteresting.
Crow: Unnecessary yet optional.

They awoke early in the morning and prepared to continue portal hopping.

Dot: (Blade) You know, I changed my mind. A whole hour's just too long. Let's just go.

Blade took Cursor to a sort of empty part of the system

Mike: He was so cute when he was a puppy, but now they just couldn't take care of him anymore.

so there wouldn't be any problems trying to stabilize the tear. They got a tear stabilized, and before they knew it, they were in a new system.

Servo: And I hope you were taking notes, 'cause this will all be on the exam.

Chapter 4
Not as Peaceful as it Looks

Crow: 20/20 takes you undercover to yoga classes around the country.

Blade sighed as they walked briskly away from the closing portal.

Dot: (Blade) These portificorializations just aren't doing anything for me anymore.

She glanced over at Cursor to see him holding his side, which was bearing a very noticeable wound.

Servo: (Blade) So that's where the blood spot on the bed came from.

She took his arm and led him to a park bench nearby.

Dot: (Blade) And that's how you get to the park bench.
Crow: (Cursor) Thanks for coming with me. Maybe next time I can go by myself.

She put a hand on his shoulder and asked him if he was ok. "I'm fine," he replied.

Mike: (Blade) It's just that your liver's kinda hanging out; you might want to get some duct tape.

"Uh Cursor, I've been around. And that," she pointed to the gash on his side, "isn't fine."

Servo: (Blade) I know that wounds are bad from my vast knowledge of the world.

Cursor just stared down at his feet and weakly croaked,

Mike: So he's dead now? I guess he really wasn't fine.

"It was a little gift from a viral guard."

Crow: (Cursor) I guess that's what I get for playing Secret Santa with homicidal maniacs.

"Well before we do any more system hopping, I suggest you get that taken care of."

Dot: (Cursor) What a good idea. I was just planning on bleeding to deletion.

He just frowned and stared off into the distance.

Mike: (Cursor) Are you saying I'm fat?

"Well, let me do you a little favor," she cooed.

Crow: Whoa! Hold on! That was PG for violence, right?
Mike: Of course it was. Shush.

She commanded switch to cover and Cursor's uniform was restored over the gash.

Servo: (Blade) There, all better!
Dot: (Cursor) What about my wound?
Servo: (Blade) All better!

"Thanks," he said in a somewhat miserable voice.

Crow: (Cursor) She's just jealous 'cause all they got her was a tie.

Blade looked out over the new system. The sky sparkled with tiny wisps of clouds and the ground was bright green with several gray buildings strewn about.

Mike: (Blade) What an ugly dump.

"I can't thank you enough," Cursor stated. " If it weren't for you, I'd be a null right now."

Dot: Umm, why?

"No sweat, Cursor. Really."

Servo: (Blade) Seriously, just shut up.

It was almost too good to be true.

Crow: Cursor was bleeding to death and they were lost in the middle of nowhere.

It was too good to be true.

Mike: So Cursor stopped bleeding and they teleported to Mainframe?

The moment they had finished their thank you's a cloud emerged and a black game cube descended from the sky.

Servo: No!


Servo: What?

A black game cube.

Servo: Oooo!

Only one word came to mind.

Crow: Spectroscopy!

"Daemon," the two chimed in almost at the same time.

"We better go.

Dot: If we want to beat the lunch rush.

A black game cube doesn't look too promising," Blade exclaimed. With that, Blade got up and prepared to stabilize a tear.

Mike: (Blade) Let's reportalulatorialize ourselves out of here!

"Switch! Stabilize!" Nothing happened.

Dot: Umm, you might want to have a tear first. . .

She tried it again. Then she tried it again and again.

Servo: Some say that, to this day, you can still hear her trying it.

Finally something happened.

Crow: Forty years later, she died.

Something definitely happened!

Dot: (stay_frosty) C'mon! You guys have to believe me! It really did happen! Really!

Daemon walked out of the tear, her red eyes glowing. Cursor shouted in surprise and sheer terror.

Crow: (Cursor) Oh my God, a woman!

He glanced over at Blade who had a look of pure rage written on her face. Flames seemed to ignite in her eyes.

Servo: (singing) A deadly flame that nullifies!

"Don't hate me, young guardian," Daemon hissed,

Dot: (Daemon) Just 'cause I take over the whole Guardian collective, suddenly I'm the bad guy?

"Your parents' deaths certainly didn't seem to upset you too much.

Crow: (Blade) That was only until I used up the inheritance!

You're an uninfected guardian, and you know you can't hide from me."

Mike: (singing) One way. . . or another. . . I'm going to find you. . . I'm going to get you get you get you get you. . .

The gruesome virus laughed

Servo: Cheerfully?

a terrible laugh that would make anyone's skin crawl.

Servo: Oh, of course.

Blade Just glared at her with true fire in her eyes. The super-virus started walking toward her.

Dot: (Daemon) Hold on, be with you in a nano. . . Be right there to infect you. . . yep. . . just be patient. . .

She was two steps from her when Cursor jumped in front of Blade to "protect" her.

Mike: Why's it in quotes?
Crow: Must be the legal definition.

This prompted another blood-curdling laugh from Daemon. "Ha! A little bodyguard!

Servo: (singing) And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooou --
Mike: Shhh.

You can't protect her anymore than you could your own mother!"

Crow: (Daemon) You couldn't protect her on the protectingest day of your life with an electrified protecting machine!

Cursor looked down at his feet with shame,

Dot: (Cursor) Mother liked how I protected her. . .

then glared up at Daemon with the same fury as Blade.

Mike: (Cursor) My mother was a saint!

Daemon laughed a shrill, cruel laugh then made her way towards Cursor.

Servo: (Daemon) Now to complete the two steps still remaining between me and Cursor!

Blade put her hand on his arm just before Daemon extended her claws and ripped Cursor's chest open.

Crow: You know, I heard that ReBoot was originally marketed as a children's show.
Servo: Really? When was this?
Crow: I don't remember.

She snarled then threw his limp body to the ground.

Mike: (Daemon) Hey! Where's the cream filling?
Dot: What in the Net is this? He just stands there and takes it? Why is any of this happening?

"Nooooo!" Blade screamed. Her eyes were bright red now.

Crow: (Blade) Noooo! I've been staring at a monitor all day and my eyes really hurt!

She roared out in hatred

Servo: (dully) Roar.

and punched Daemon square in the jaw.

Daemon stumbled backward,


Mike: The super-powerful glass-jawed virus!
Crow: Well, just 'cause she dominates the Internet doesn't mean she can take a punch.

wiping blood from her teeth.

Dot: Oh ick, whose blood is that?

She laughed again

Servo: (Daemon) Ha ha! I wanted those teeth to come out anyway! Thank you!

and tapped her finger in mid-air. She opened a portal that way and rasped, "I'm not through with you yet Guardian 451!"

Crow: (Daemon) But I'm leaving anyway.

Her cruel laugh could be heard echoing through the portal as she left the system leaving Cursor crumpled on the ground. Blade took in an enormous breath of relief.

Mike: (Blade) Thank God that loser's dead. Man, I thought I'd have to start changing his diapers or something.

She let it out and ran toward Cursor who was sitting up, holding his chest. She put her hand on his face

Servo: (Blade) Do I have to smother you? Die! Just die!

and stroked his cheek with her thumb.

"I'm okay," He murmured. "Really."

Crow: (Blade) I've been around; having your ribcage on the outside isn't okay.
Dot: You know, you guys are worse than the story.
Mike: Well, sometimes we just have to lash out. When stories gratuitously maim the characters just to get a reaction from the readers, you kinda get the impression that the author doesn't care about them very much to begin with.

Blade patted him on the shoulder and helped him up.

Servo: (Blade) All right, so you've been disemboweled. Just walk it off.

"Let's get out of this system ok?" she purred. He agreed. She put her arm around his shoulder and formed a tear. The tear worked this time.

Dot: 'Cause she actually had a tear this time.

Cursor smiled at her

Crow: (Cursor) See? It's still fun! I'm still smiling!

and continued walking through the portal.

Servo: Speaking of which. . .

(The guys get up)

Dot: (surprised) What, so it just ends like that?
Crow: No, it's just time for a bathroom break. C'mon.

(Dot gets up and they leave.)

(The bridge. Mike, Dot, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy are all front and center. Dot's studying a clipboard with the ship's schematics on it.)

Dot: Airlocks?

Gypsy: Disabled.

Dot: Navigation systems?

Gypsy: Disabled.

Dot: Manual override?

Gypsy: Non-existant.

Crow: C'mon, Dot, you've been at this for five minutes!

Servo: (whisper, correcting him) Microseconds.

Crow: Whatever. C'mon, let's just get a game of Twister going before the story starts again.

Mike: Why don't we just get the Nanites to re-enable our systems?

Gypsy: Megabyte's infected the MRST microscope's software. We haven't been able to contact them.

Dot: Okay, so we've got to disinfect the software.

(She taps all the buttons on the desk, not seeming pleased with the results.)

Dot: How do you access the system from here?

Gypsy: There's a keyboard under the desk there.

(Dot pulls out the keyboard and starts tapping at it. She soon stops, annoyed.)

Dot: How do you open a window on this thing?

Gypsy: Uhh, Cambot? Put the system display up on monitor two.

(Dot mutters something about primitive technology for a moment, then looks surprised.)

Dot: Outgoing communications to Mainframe are blocked.

Servo: So?

Dot: They're not blocked to Lost Angles. (tapping excitedly.) We can call Hex! She'll help us out of this mess.

Mike: Uh. . . are you quite sure about that? It's just the last time we met up with Hex. . .

Dot: Don't worry; she's fine now.

Mike: (reluctantly) Well, if you're sure. . .

(A vidwindow pops open in front of the Hexfield showing Hexadecimal's lair. Pearl and Observer are in view. Pearl is striking a fearsome pose as Observer immortalizes her image on a paint program of some sort. Cries of distress from Hexadecimal come from the background.)

Servo: Hey, cool!

Observer: (turning to look at the window that's opened behind him, frustrated) If it's another ad for one of those pornography sites. . . (He's startled.)

Pearl: (singingly) I don't hear painting. . .

Observer: Pearl, I believe there's a call for you.

Pearl: I'm not here. Hang up.

Observer: But it's Mike Nelson.

Pearl: (suddenly excited, pushing Observer away in her eagerness to be in the middle of the window) Well, hello! Mike, Servo, Art, other friends. . . Long time no see! How you holding up?

Mike: Well, just fine Pearl.

Pearl: I heard Megs took over the experiment. He's not screwing it up, is he?

Mike: No, no, the pain's still flowing pretty freely up here.

Dot: Umm, is Hexadecimal there?

Pearl: Oh, sorry, she's kinda indisposed right now. See, some moron went and made her not evil anymore, so we've been pretty busy whipping her back into shape. Bobo's giving her the old clockwork orange treatment right now. Ten straight hours of Godzilla and Gamera oughta fire up the old appetite for chaos.

Mike: Oh, umm. . . do you think, you know, now that we're not your hapless guinea pigs anymore and you don't really need us, maybe you could give us a hand and --

Pearl: No, sorry. Professional courtesy and all. Us evil megalomaniacs gotta look out for each other.

Observer: (returning to the shot) Madam, Professor Bobo is returning with the patient.

Pearl: Ah, now to see the fruits of my --

(As Hex and Bobo enter the shot, it becomes obvious that Hex's cries are of laughter. Bobo's joining in. He notices Pearl and they stop.)

Bobo: Oh, hi Lawgiver! Say, thanks for those movies, they were hilarious!

Hexadecimal: What an original idea! Putting shadows at the bottom and making them talk over the movie!

(Pearl gets a dark look.)

Pearl: Bobo, where did you get those movies?

Bobo: (holding up a cardboard box with "Old experiment recordings" written on it in magic marker) They were right here in the box, just like you -- (Realizes something is amiss.) Oh. You didn't want the ones where Joel and the robots were already on them, did you? 'Cause those ones are funny and won't make the weird lady crazy. (laughs nervously) Well, if that don't beat all. Me making a mistake like that. Well, you know what they say, ha ha. (Runs off before he can be hurt.)

Pearl: (giving the SOL crew "the look") This may take a while.

(The window closes.)

Mike: Huh.

Servo: Well, we'll try again some other time.

Dot: But shouldn't we try to --

(Lights and sirens!)

Crow: No time now! We've got MOVIE SIGN!

Click here to enter the theater.