(The crew finds their seats.)
Servo: Mostly Harmless.
The Final Resting Place
The two emerged from the portal with Cursor gasping for breath and courage.
Crow: (Cursor) I'm dying in a rush!
He was in much pain by the look of the blood seeping through his clothing format.
Mike: He was thinking of how much the dry cleaners would charge him.
The pain must have come unbearable for he collapsed to the ground.
Servo: (Cursor) This hangnail is really bugging me!
Blade dropped down next to him.
Dot: (Blade) Falling down looks fun! Let me try! Whee!
"You're okay, huh?" she whispered under her breath.
Crow: (Cursor) Uh. . . no, actually.
She took her icon and placed it over his to give him enough energy to stay awake until they got somewhere where she could help him.
Servo: See Mike? There wasn't any transfusion equipment. It's completely different from anything that happened to Matrix and AndrAIa in Season 3.
Mike: Yep, I see your point.
"I gotta stop doing this," she remarked.
Dot: (Blade) It'll just make it harder for him to find energy for himself in the wild.
Giving energywas surely draining her.
Crow: You think?
Cursor awoke and fought to keep his eyes open. He put his hand up to his chest and winced in pain.
Servo: (Cursor) Oh, my nipple-rings!
Blade commanded Switch to take the form of an energy stretcher.
Mike: (Switch) Sure, where do you want me to take it?
She brought up her zip-board and held on to the stretcher. She sped off toward a
Dot: Oh, I can. . . what?
and checked in.
Mike: Man. Some Guardian.
Crow: (Receptionist) So, would you like a cot for the corpse, or is he fine like that?
While Cursor was sleeping,
Servo: Sleep cures a disemboweling?
Blade snuck over to the diner to regain her composure.
Dot: (Blade) If he wanted medical attention, I'm sure he'd ask.
There seemed to be a diner and a motel in every peaceful system.
Mike: Peace implies McDonald's and Hotel 6.
User knows the last system wasn't peaceful.
Crow: They didn't even have a diner!
Daemon's appearance sent her reeling all over again. She sucked in a deep breath and ordered another energy shake. She left soon
Dot: I hate it when people just order things and leave.
and went back to Cursor with another energy shake in hand. As she sped off toward the motel she realized how peaceful this system really was.
Servo: (Blade) Man, a diner, a motel, and a massage parlor!
It was rewarding in a way. It would be a lot more rewarding when she made it to Mainframe though.
Mike: Then she could have cookies!
She applied a cold cloth to Cursors forehead when she returned.
Crow: (Blade) That should help his massive chest wound.
He opened his eyes, looking somewhat better.
Servo: (Cursor) I'm not dead yet! I'm getting better!
His wounds were healing by the nano.
Dot: Wow, look at 'em go!
"Hey," he whispered.
"How are you doing?" Blade asked.
Mike: (Blade) How's the hole in your torso?
Cursor assured her that he was healing quickly and just needed an energy shake.
Crow: Energy shakes: the only form of food that fans are 100% sure exist in the Net.
"You're in luck," she cooed. With that she held out the full energy shake and helped him up to drink it.
Servo: (Cursor) Can I have it in a baby bottle?
It was gone within seconds
Dot: (Cursor) OWWW! Energy headache!
Servo: Milkshakes do that in the Net too?
and the regular shade of gold was back into his cheeks. He smiled and
stated that he was feeling a lot better. He was still weak but in higher spirits as well. "Just take all the time you need," she purred.
Mike: (Blade) You load.
A few hours passed, and Cursor was on his feet.
Servo: It was pretty hard carrying the iron lung around, but still. . .
The two were ready to travel to the next system. They decided to head for the diner, before they left, for one last energy shake.
Dot: (Cursor) No, please, nothing but energy shakes for five hours! My insides are getting unformatted!
"I know you probably don't like this subject," Blade stated,
Crow: (Blade) But are you a bed-wetter?
" but what was Daemon talking about? About your mother." Cursor hung his head.
Mike: (Cursor) I am so sick of telling this story. . .
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up," she added.
"No it's alright.
Dot: (Cursor) I just thought I saw a unit on the ground here. . .
I was an only sprite. I lived with my mother because my father left us. Daemon came and tore up our system.
Servo: (Cursor) We didn't even think to just try punching her.
She spared no one.
Dot: (Cursor) Not even me.
Then she came to our place. She…she killed my mother.
Mike: That dirty rat!
I didn't even try to stop her. I just hid."
Crow: (Cursor) I crouched down. Behind a rock.
Blade put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Then we have something in common," she commented.
Servo: (Blade) Both our backstories suck.
"Daemon killed both of our families."
Crow: (Blade) Let's start a club!
The two sat in the diner for a few more seconds.
Dot: Okay, was this written in your timeline or ours?
Mike: The whole thing's so confusing, we generally give the authors credit as long as they're consistant.
Cursor finished his shake and the pair left the diner. "Ready to go?" Blade questioned.
Servo: (Cursor) Umm, we just did.
Cursor nodded his head. He looked a little anxious about something.
Crow: (Cursor) Why did I steal those motel towels? Am I even ever going to use them?
Maybe he was just nervous about going to a different system.
Mike: Maybe all that virtual ice cream was doing weird things to his system.
They sped-off towards the place where they came in by portal and prepared to open a portal there again.
Dot: So long, nameless, non-descript, template city.
Blade hopped down off her zip-board, stored it, and worked on stabilizing the new tear.
Servo: (Blade) I must have absolute concentration as I perform this terribly delicate --
"Uh Blade?" Cursor squeaked.
Servo: (Blade) AAAAAUGH!
Crow: (Cursor) I need a little oil, I'm starting to get a little rusty here.
(Mike makes squeaky rusty sounds.)
The nano she turned around to face him, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly on the lips.
Dot: (Blade, talking with her mouth full) Hmmmt? Hmmmt hoo hoo hummt?
She stood still, stunned for a second as he pulled away.
Dot: (Blade) What did you want to tell me?
When she opened her eyes. He was smiling at her warmly.
Mike: (Cursor) Thanks for taking me to McDonald's.
She smiled as well and added, "What do you say we get this portal open?"
Crow: (Blade) You creepy little jerk.
He nodded again looking quite pale. Before they knew what had happened, they were in a new system.
Servo: So. . . in what way did this chapter involve a "final" resting place?
Crow: (annoyed) You're still trying to find sense in this thing?
Mike: In which Christopher Robin Leads an Expotition to the North Pole.
The Falling Diamond City
"Whoa," Cursor commented.
Dot: (Cursor) This city has a description!
"Whoa is right," Blade added.
Crow: (Blade) Are the diamonds falling for you too, man?
The new system they were standing in the midst of was completely in ruins.
Servo: (Blade) Now, I don't see a diner or a motel anywhere, so watch your back.
They saw what looked like a principal office in the heart of the new system. They sped off towards it.
(Mike makes race car sounds.)
Blade looked about the system as she raced through the air.
Crow: (Blade) Hey, a Culver's. They're everywhere now!
They reached the dome shaped building eventually.
Dot: Three days later.
The two sprites looked about the burnt rubble.
Servo: (Minnewegian) You know, we should take some pictures for Ed and Martha. They'd love to see this.
"Is anyone here?" Blade choked. The air was filled with a white mist. A soft shuffling noise emitted from a backroom.
Mike: Is there a blackjack table back there?
Crow: The system's just a front for an illegal casino!
"Hello?" Cursor murmured. The shuffling noise grew louder. Along with it came a throaty growling noise.
Servo: Crash and Random, no!
Cursor grabbed Blade's arm instinctively.
Dot: If this guy's the "sympathetic and heroic sprite" we heard about before, I'm going to be sorely disappointed.
The noise grew even louder until a shadowy figure was pulled into the light. Cursor jumped as the creature hissed.
(Chuckles from the guys.)
Crow: Where did stay_frosty get the idea that Cursor's such a wuss?
Mike: Maybe it's just a different Robert Cursor.
"What do you want?" it rasped. "Where is your leader?"
Blade replied bravely, "We have no leader. Now what do want?"
Servo: (figure) I asked you first.
"State your name
Mike: My name is King Arthur!
Mike: I seek the Holy Grail!
Blade glanced at Cursor
Dot: (Blade) Look, just shut up and go over there a nano.
and put her fingertips on the stock of her pistol. "Blade." She coughed, "Guardian 451."
Crow: (Blade) And (cough) chain smoker.
"Guardian eh?" the creature mocked.
"Yeah that's right." Blade glared, her eyes filling with rage.
Servo: (Blade, enraged) You win a cookie.
"Guardian. Now tell me what system this is unless you want to be deleted."
"No need for that, guardian.
Mike: (figure) I was just going to delete myself anyway.
You're in Diamond City."
"You mean system," Cursor acknowledged.
Dot: (figure) No, the name is "Diamond City".
"No. I mean city. This system isn't good enough to be called a system.
Crow: (figure) It's, like, two years old already.
We've lost so many games that there are only a few sectors left. Instead of nulls, when life-forms lose games, they turn into their original state, spheres."
Servo: So, instead of nullification, nothing happens at all?
Dot: Is this shadowy creature complaining?
Blade let go of her pistol and asked, "How many sprites are left in this system?
Servo: (figure) CITY! CITY, DAMN YOU, CITY!
Or I mean city."
Servo: (figure) Better.
"Two sprites are left."
Mike: (figure) But we've still got a full case of Coke.
The creature stepped into the light further. When it moved away from the darkness, the two saw that the creature was just an ordinary female data sprite.
Crow: Awww. . . I thought it'd be cooler.
From behind her walked another data sprite. This one was a huge male sprite with a cigar in his mouth.
Servo: Hey, George Burns!
"I'm Giga-Girl," the female one stated.
Mike: Oh. So this is how Cursor came to be leader of the super heroes, huh?
Servo: But. . . but Matrix didn't rescue Bob until after Cursor died! How did Blade know to deliver this diploma to him before he even rescued Bob?
Mike: (Phong) Lucky guess?
Dot: I feel really in the dark here.
Crow: Matrix never told you about any of this?
Dot: I asked him what he'd been doing for all his life, and he just shrugged and said "Nothing."
The male next to her had a frown planted on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.
Crow: (Male) I smell a Mary Sue.
He obviously wasn't going to exchange pleasantries with the two.
Dot: (Giga Girl) Now Steven, if you can't be nice when we have company, at least be so kind as to fetch us some tea.
Servo: (Male, disgruntled) Yes dear.
"I'm Cursor," Cursor said. He reached over to shake hands with the male sprite that just stood there and refused.
Crow: (British accent) You've begun wrong! The first thing in a visit is to say "How d'ye do?" and shake hands!
Giga-Girl took his hand courteously and shook it.
Mike: (Giga Girl) Sorry about Steve; it turns out later that he's evil.
She then reached out for Blade,
Dot: No, handle first! You want to cut yourself?
who obliged and shook hands as well.
"Is there anything we can do to help?" Blade asked with a concerned look on her face.
Servo: (Giga Girl) Sure! Take some of this superglue and start putting the downtown back together.
"No!" The male sprite with an obvious attitude problem barked.
Dot: (Male) Maybe we like it that our system's falling apart. Ever think of that?
"Don't mind him," Giga-Girl said.
Mike: (Giga Girl) It's that time of the month.
"Of course you can help us. Do you know how to play the games?"
Crow: (Blade) Sure! Monopoly, Chutes & Ladders, you name it!
"Well I would hope so," Blade smirked.
Servo: (Blade) I am the author's avatar.
"I'll do my best."
As if on cue, a metallic voice announced that a game cube was coming.
Dot: (System Voice) Warning: -- ah, you know the rest.
Cursor gave Blade an awkward look.
Mike: (Cursor) Should I tell her I need a new diaper in front of her friends?
Blade nodded and the two rushed toward the oncoming game cube.
Crow: Hey, a chapter about a Game might be fun.
A Refreshing Rebirth
Servo: The rebirth that leaves you feeling fresh all day!
"Whew!" Blade laughed
Dot: Wouldn't that be more of a sigh?
as she stood where the game cube had dropped. Giga-Girl and Mr. Bad-Attitude stood next to them as they emerged from the game.
Crow: So. . . we don't get a chapter about the game.
Servo: Guess not.
"You did it!" Giga-Girl squealed.
"Did what?" Cursor questioned.
Dot: (Giga Girl) You defeated the User, won the game, saved the sector!
Mike: (Cursor) Huh. So that's what the author skipped over. I was wondering.
He had his arm around Blade's shoulder casually.
Crow: (Blade) For the last time, take it off or I break it off.
As an answer to Cursor's question, five nullified sectors began functioning again.
(Chuckles from the crew.)
Servo: It must've been the Sim City Urban Renewal Kit.
Mike: I guess.
The four sprites stood in awe as the sky was reset and only two sectors were left nullified. "Whoa!" Cursor murmured.
Dot: (Cursor) That's a really ridiculous thing to have happen!
He pulled Blade closer to him.
Servo: (Blade) Oh God, he thinks I'm interested or something!
Blade stood looking at the system and smiled broadly. A nearby diner was reset.
Crow: Yay! Now all we need is a motel!
The four sprites exchanged glances.Giga girl laughed with glee
Mike: (Giga Girl) I'm sorry, but this is just too weird.
and they walked toward the diner.
They all ordered Quantum shakes
Dot: (Diner worker) Oh my User! I've been born anew, saved from the cold grip of deletion! I have my entire life back, to live the way I --
Servo: (Blade) Yeah, great, can you get us some shakes?
and even Mr. Bad Attitude himself was good company.
Crow: Yeah, just get a few drinks in him and he lets it all hang out.
"Do you know of anywhere I could re-power Switch?" Blade asked.
Mike: (Giga Girl) It's called the Supercomputer. Heard of it?
actually we do at the principal office," Giga-Girl stated. " Let's go!" With that, they headed off towards the P.O. by
Servo: (pouting) Chariots would've been cooler.
They entered the principal office and Giga-Girl ushered them to a gigantic machine.
Crow: (Giga Girl) Well, at this point I'd just like to say (singing) Welcome. . . to the machiiiiiiiiiiiine. . .
She grabbed Blade's keytool and set it on the belt.
Dot: (Giga Girl) Thanks for the new belt buckle!
Mike: (Blade) Hey! Give that back!
The keytool was sucked into the machine. In a few minutes a buzzer on the machine went off and Blade's keytool smashed into her wrist once again.
Servo: Look, Switch, it's not working. Aim for her head or something.
The sky was getting dark fast. "I bet you two would like somewhere to log off," Giga-Girl said. Too late.
Crow: They'd already gone outside to play.
Blade was snuggled up against Cursor's chest, fast asleep.
Mike: What, standing up?
Cursor seemed a bit groggy as well.
Dot: Oh no! What was in those Quantum shakes?
Servo: Giga Girl threw her head back, cackling madly as they slumped over. Everything was going according to plan. . .
Crow: It's not really sweet sorrow. . . I'd say it's more of a tangy sorrow than anything.
Blade awoke suddenly, finding herself in Cursor's arms.
Mike: (Blade) Whoa. . . did I ever have the beer goggles on last night. . .
She shook him gently. He awoke as well then. He smiled down at her warmly.
Servo: (Blade) Oh no. How drunk was I?
She reached up and grabbed his neck. He was pulled down to her lips reluctantly.
Dot: (Cursor) Fine. . . I guess I'll be your love interest. . .
She kissed him tiredly.
Mike: Yeah, don't kiss her before she's had her coffee.
She heard movement from across the Principal Office
(Chuckles of disbelief.)
Crow: They made out in the Principal Office? Have they no decency?
and pulled away.
Dot: (Blade, innocently) Nothing, nothing, just, umm, just checking his tooth cap.
She smiled up at him and fell back asleep.
Mike: (Blade) Well, it's been a long day, g'night! zzzzzzzzzzzz
Giga-Girl looked at the floor sorrowfully.
Servo: (Giga-Girl, snivelling) But I spilled my milk! How can I not cry?
Blade and Cursor walked over to where she was standing. "What's processing?" Cursor interrogated.
Crow: (Giga-Girl, sobbing) The floor forgot our anniversary!
"I just realized. If you leave, then we have no one to play the games," Giga-Girl acknowledged.
Dot: (Giga-Girl) Only me, Steve, and all the people who were restored -- besides that, no one!
"We can't win the games without you."
Mike: (Giga-Girl) All we have on our team is a bunch of geeks!
Cursor looked down at his feet. "I'll stay," he said.
"What?" Blade shouted, "Cursor, you, you said--"
Servo: (Blade) But. . . but who's going to be my helpless love interest? Who will I save with my dazzling skill and courage?
Cursor interrupted her, "I'm sorry. I know I said I would go with you, but these people need me.
Crow: (Cursor) I figure I'll become a hero once I'm out of your shadow.
I have to stay."
Blade lifted her head in protest but
Dot: Realized she had the perfect opportunity to ditch him!
found no strength and dropped her head. "Well I'll be able to go directly to Mainframe now that Switch is functioning," she remarked.
" No." Giga-Girl stated,
Mike: (Giga-Girl) I added a stupid plot device to it so the story won't be over too quickly.
" It will take a couple systems for it to start functioning properly."
Servo: (Giga-Girl) Just don't ask why.
"Oh well that's just great." Blade was starting to act hard-hearted again, as she was before she met Cursor.
Crow: You'll have to take our word, since we forgot to establish this in the five minutes before she met him.
Blade headed out to the middle of the system to open a portal. Cursor followed.
Dot: Uh. . . you were staying, remember?
She set up the tear and commanded it to be stabilized.
Servo: (Blade) Well, at least now I won't have that little moron interrupting me while I'm in the middle of --
She jumped when Cursor put his hand on her shoulder.
Servo: (Blade) AUGH!
She turned around to meet his gaze and said, "Cursor, I've never been sure of anything in my whole life,
Mike: (Blade) Except for Menard's low, low prices.
but I'm sure of it when I say…
Crow: (Bogey) The problems of two sprites don't amount to a hill of nulls in this crazy, mixed-up Internet. . .
I love you.
Dot: (Blade) I love your helplessness, your cowardice, the way you haven't done a single spammed thing since we started this adventure. . .
I'll come back for you, alright?"
Servo: (Blade) Let me just do this one destiny thing, then we'll get some nookie.
Cursor drew her near in a strong embrace. "By the time you come back,
Mike: (Cursor) I'll be dead.
I'll have this system on its feet again and I'll go with you to Mainframe."
Crow: (Cursor) I bet Mainframe can't wait to get another "author avatar/simpering love interest" combo!
Blade gazed into his eyes, which seemed to sparkle.
She was being torn in two different directions.
Servo: She was on the rack?
She could stay with him or fulfill her destiny.
Mike: Take the destiny!
Crow: No! Go for the curtain! The curtain!
She shook her head and thought to herself, I have to go.
Dot: You should have thought about that before you left. We're not stopping for you, young lady.
Even if not for Bob, I'm obligated to go anyway. She pulled him close once more then turned away, into the portal.
Servo: (hovering into Mike's arms) Speaking of which. . .
(Everyone gets up to leave.)
Cursor brought one hand up in a wave, but dropped it as he saw the last he would ever see of Blade.
All: (on the way out) BUM BUM BUUUUUUUM!
(We're on the bridge. The desk that normally hides the puppeteers is missing. Cambot pans left to a large restaurant grill with matching deep frier. Crow stands in front of it, wearing a tasteful paper hat and wielding a spatula, which he uses to flip the now-unrecognizable charred meat objects on the grill. Seems Bill's working the arms today.)
Crow: (shouting to one end of the grill) Hey! Order up back here, like, last Tuesday!
(Gypsy pops up from behind the grill and spits out a mouthful of tickets, which flutter across the grill.)
Gypsy: (unusually testy) Ah, cram it! Twelve people just walked in, and half of them are babies.
Crow: (irritable) You can stop doing this to me any time now.
Gypsy: Yeah, bite me! (vanishes)
Crow: (looking at the orders, fuming) Don't these people know we don't serve breakfast on Friday night? (outraged, yelling in a different direction) Servo! Are we going to see some dishes any time this century? I need them now! Look, stop what you're doing and go out there and get those bus pans!
(Mike and Dot walk in, looking somewhat abashed.)
Dot: How'd they get this all set up before we got out of the theater?
Mike: I try not to worry about that.
Crow: (still enraged) Servo! Get off your lazy -- (notices Mike and Dot, suddenly calm) Oh, hi guys. I, uh, bet you're wondering. . .
Mike: Why you turned the bridge into a short-order kitchen? Yeah, we kind of were.
Crow: Well, I was just thinking, you know, our story pointed out that all peaceful systems have a diner and a motel, and how are guests to the SOL going to realize we're peaceful if we don't have a diner and a motel?
Mike: So you turned the bridge into a diner.
Crow: Well, the bridge is just the kitchen; the dining room is down on B deck.
Mike: So. . . my room, then.
Crow: Is that what it was? I was wondering where that smell came from. Took us about two hours to get it out.
Mike: Right. And. . . who, exactly, is this restaurant catering to?
Crow: Ah, you know, just a bunch of dumb yokels who don't have anything better to do on Friday night. (suddenly grim) God I wish they were dead. (shouting again) Servo! I meant now, okay? (startled) Hey, where is he? If he's off having a smoke again. . .
(Crow mutters and stomps off.)
Dot: Umm. . . should we be worried about this?
Mike: Nah. . . these guys are always getting into something or other. Best bet is to just ride it out.
Crow: (off-camera) Ah HA! Slacking off again, eh?
Servo: (off-camera, scared) C-crow! Please! Please, no!
(Various whip-cracking sounds and screams from the robots. Mike and Dot look disturbed.)
Mike: I mean. . . it is in the interest of peace. . .
(Lights and sirens.)
Mike: We've got MOVIE SIGN!
(Mike and Dot scramble off.)
Click here to enter the theater.