| (Mike walks back into the theater)
Crow: Oh hi Mike. Everything back to normal?
Mike: Yup, everythings fine. We're outta the swirly thing now.
Crow: I can see again! I can see again!
Part VII: 'Descent into Danger'
Mike: Down, down....
Bob and Turbo had been so wrapped up in their argument
Bob: I have tape and I know how to use it!
that they hadn't even noticed the Gamecube descending right on top of them.
Crow: Ouch.. that must hurt...
In less than a nanosecond, they were in the Game.
Tom Servo: Wow, quick.
Bob quickly surveyed his surroundings.
Mike: (Bob) "Hmm.. Martha Stewerts been here..."
He, Turbo, and Mouse were standing in a barren wasteland,
Crow: The big sign marked 'Barren Wasteland' tipping them off hugely.
with nothing but rough gray rock as far as the eye could see. A hill rose a few hundred feet in front of them.
Mike: Wow.. floating hills. That's something you don't see everyday.
A mine shaft was cut horizontally into the
rock of the hill.
Bob: .. Barney and his friends can escape?
"--before the User rescues the hostages," finished Bob.
Bob: Oh.. um.. I knew that. Really...
He glared at his older brother. "I'm not a kid anymore. You don't need to explain everything to me."
Tom Servo: Apparently he does!
Turbo looked annoyed. "I was talking to
Tom Servo: (Turbo) "Ooops.. sorry.. that was me."
A spacecraft shot past the group and entered the mine shaft.
Crow: HelpmeIcan'tstopthecraftI'mgoingintothatmineshaft - quicksomeone stopme! Ahhhhhhh!
"There's the User, " said Turbo.
Bob: How does he know that?
"We'd better get moving." He tapped his
icon twice. "Reboot!"
Mike: "Delete! Oh no.. wait.. sorry... AHHH!"
When the green glow faded, they were each seated in a spacecraft similar to the User's.
Crow: Wouldn't it be kinda cramped...?
"Let's go!" Turbo's ship lifted off the ground and shot into the mine shaft. The other two weren't far behind.
Crow: Really.. I could've sworn they were
in the same ship a moment ago...
The shaft was narrow--the three ships had to fly single file. A few hundred feet ahead, the tunnel forked three ways.
Mike: Ohhhh.. how convenient.
Turbo's voice crackled over the ship's radio.
"Bob, you take the left tunnel; Mouse, take the right. I'll go through the
Mike: After a teary goodbye...
After a couple of sharp turns, Mouse found herself in a straight tunnel,
Crow: There are gay tunnels...?
so long that she couldn't see the end of it.
Bob: Oh look.. there it is.. AHHHH!
There were a several tunnels branching off, but she ignored them;
Mike: Her steering was gone...
the ship's nava-comp showed that the reactor
core was straight ahead of her, but some distance away.
Tom Servo: Uhhh.. this is so freaking tedious..
*What's so hard about this?* Mouse thought.
*It's almost too easy!*
Mike: Crow.. calm. Calm Crow. Everything's
going to be okay.
She could now see where the straight part of the tunnel ended. It turned sharply--not to the left or right,
Mike: Or up, or down, or back, or forth...
but straight down.
Tom Servo: That was almost a little too predictable...
She had to dive down quickly to avoid crashing into the far wall.
Mike: Just you watch me dive the HELL outta this hole…
The shaft continued down for a few hundred feet, and then bent upward again at an odd angle. After several sickening turns, Mouse found herself back in the straight tunnel--upside down.
Crow: Oh look! Humor! Ha ha ha!
"Aaack!" She quickly righted her craft.
Bob: And then she wronged herself again.
She was beginning to see what made this game so hard.
Mike: The gearshift was sticky.
The twisting mine shafts created a three-dimensional maze.
Crow: You know.. when you think about it,
3D really sucks.
The nava-comp didn't take walls into consideration--
Mike: Instead it just showed lines on the screen.
the reactor core might as well have been
on the other side of the Net for all the help it gave.
Crow: Pull over and ask for directions! How else?
*I'll have to try each tunnel until I find the one that leads to where I want to go,* Mouse thought. *Hoo boy, this is gonna take a while...*
Tom Servo: She said, not noticing the big neon sign that said 'THIS WAY TO THE CORE'
Bob, meanwhile, was having other problems.
Tom Servo: Hemorrhoids is a big problem in this day and age…
Two of the mining robots were tailing him. He couldn't shoot them down--there wasn't enough room in the tunnel to turn around.
And that meant there wasn't enough room to dodge the shots the robots fired at him.
Crow: Right, right, I'm following it so far...
Crow: Ahhhhhhhhhh... well, that was sort of an anti-climax.
The Guardian was jolted around in his seat
Mike: He's been dipping into the caffeine again!!
as another blast shook the ship. *One more hit like that and the engines will be off-line!* he thought in a panic. *This is bad--VERY BAD!*
Tom Servo: Ah, that's our good pal Bob! Always the optimistic one!
He swerved into a side tunnel, hoping to throw the robots off track. But they followed his every move.
Crow: Little did he know - he had a sugar
daddy stuck to his back!
Bob heard shots being fired, and braced himself for the shock of the explosion...
Mike: o/` WHOOMP! There it is.. o/`
But the explosion he heard wasn't the engines being destroyed.
Bob: It was the sound of Tom slowly going
It was the robots being shot down by another
ship behind him.
Bob: Um.. yes?
Bob grinned, suddenly relaxing again. "Not at all."
Mike: (Bob) "Just stop being such a woman.."
Meanwhile, in yet another part of the mine, Turbo soared through the shafts with supreme confidence.
Tom Servo: (Turbo) "Macho, Macho man! I wanna be, a Macho man!"
He had played this game many times before, and had memorized the route to the reactor core.
Mike: Past the coffee machine... turn right at the boys room...
*Almost there,* he thought. *Just a couple
Crow: How'd he get off the planet and into outerspace already?!
In the center of the chamber, a huge metal column extended up into the ceiling and down into the floor. *The nuclear reactor,* Turbo thought. *Perfect.*
Bob: And some very nice architectural work
Bob was too far away to hear the explosion,
Crow: Plus at the time he had 'Prodigy's greatest hits' playing at full blast.
but he could sure feel it. The shock wave seemed to shake the entire mountain.
Tom Servo: First it's a Mountain, then it's a hill.. Mountain.. Hill.. Mountain.. Hill. Hey story! Make up your mind!
The radio suddenly crackled to life.
Crow: "Hello, I'm a radio."
Tom Servo: Isn't that some old TV show?
guys," Turbo said.
Tom Servo: SEXISM!!
"I've destroyed the reactor. Now we've got about five nanoseconds to get out--"
Bob: (Turbo) "Oh.. no wait.. make that one"
He was suddenly cut off. When his voice could be heard again, it was partially obsured by static.
Crow: Doesn't he know better than to shave while flying?!
"The User's following...-bzzzzzzzzt-...I'm not sure how long I can..." The signal faded out completely.
Mike: I get the feeling that whole -bzzzt-
bit was something important...
Bob suddenly became nervous.
Tom Servo: And promptly wet himself...
"Turbo, come in."
Mike: Why do the main heroes always have
little panic attacks like this?
A voice could be heard over the radio--but it wasn't Turbo,
Tom Servo: Gee.. I wonder which one of the other.. one.. characters it could be?
it was Mouse. "Bob, what's the fastest way
to the exit?"
Bob: He owes me money!
"The place is gonna blow in less than five nanos! We gotta get our bitmaps outta here while we still can!"
Crow: If this place is gonna blow, then
Bob was right--Turbo _was_ in trouble.
Tom Servo: How much trouble?
Tom Servo: Why didn't I see THAT one coming?
The User had caught up with him on his way back from the reactor, and was pursuing him through the tunnels, shooting at him all the way.
Mike: And forgetting about those 9 foot
sewer rats behind him...
The User's guns were much more powerful than the mining robots', and did a lot more damage.
Crow: You know what they say about User's
with big guns...
So far, Turbo's ship was still in one piece, but it could only hold up for so long...
Crow: And neither could Turbo!
Of course, if he stayed in the mine much longer, it wouldn't make any difference.
Tom Servo: When you gotta go.. you gotta go!
*Two nanoseconds left,* the Guardian thought. *If I can just get to the exit in time...*
Tom Servo: We MIGHT be able to end this fan-fic sooner...
But it was hopeless. He was too far away. Already, the User was preparing to make the finishing shot...
Tom Servo: Suddenly he reached the exit! And then realized it made no difference, and the User shot him anyways.
Suddenly, the User's ship was hit by a shot from the side.
Mike: I thought this tunnel didn't have
"Try to delete my brother?...I DON'T THINK SO!"
Crow: I don't think so?! What the heck
Tom Servo: The foam dart suction cups sticking to the side of the ship!
Mike: That was exciting!
(Everyone gets up and starts walking out the
@.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6..
(Mike, Bob, and the Bots walk out of the theater)
Mike: Well, that wasn't so bad...
Crow: Yeah, except for the lack of a plot...
Mike: Tedious battle scenes.
Tom Servo: (Pointing to Bob) and the fact that it had HIM in it!
Bob: Hey! My acting's pretty alphanumeric if I do say so myself.
Crow: Alpha-nu-what? That a new kind of soup?
(Suddenly the red light starts flashing - Mike pushes it and Megabyte appears on the screen)
Megabyte: Ah yes, hello Mike, Bob, Bots. Enjoy the movie? Apparently so - still sane I see.
Bob: I don't like you.
Megabyte: Aw, Bob.. I'm hurt. Why not? Simply because I shot you into a big swirly thing, and got you stuck on the SOL with the bots while I frolic around with Pearl, and that horribly annoying Bobo and 'Brain' guy?
Bob: You're just mean...
Megabyte: No seriously Bob. This hurts me to hear you talk like that.
Bob: Well, you know it'd help if you'd just let us all go.
Megabyte: Alright, I'll do that.
Mike: Wow really?!
Crow: Cool! Thanks!
Tom Servo: Whoooohoohohoh! Whooooohohoho!
Megabyte: No. Just playing with your minds a little boys.. ahaha. You know.. sometimes I think I lie because I'm evil.
Mike: Could be. Well, anyways, we'll catch you later Mr. B.
Megabyte: Count on it - and get ready. For next week I'll be sending you a rather foul piece of pus called 'Fidei Defensor' - and until then.. I hate you, and I despise you all! And one day.. I WILL TAKE OVER THE SUPER COMPUTER! Ahahahahahahahah! Ahahahahaah! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!
Mike: Um.. Mr. B?
Megabyte: GAHAHWHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Crow: Yo' Chrome Dome!
Megabyte: HEHEHEEHEHEHEHHEHEH! Oh that's rich.. take over the.. heh.. AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH! MUAHAHAHAHAH!
Tom Servo: HEY BALL BUTT!
Megabyte: Oh what? Ooops.. sorry.. I left it on.. *click*
Mike: Well.. that was certainly interesting.
Bob: So.. where are we now?
Mike: Oh, probably just orbiting some small planetoid somewhere, I dunno. We'll just hang around until the mad's send us the next movie. Until then, see ya guys!
(Mike, Bob, and Crow wave into the Camera)
Crow: Hey.. where's Tom?
Mike: I think I saw him heading towards the Authors house with a large chain saw.
Bob: Oh dear…