In the not-too-distant future --
Written by CPFace
(We're on the Satellite. A clothesline is hanging somewhere near the hexfield, and Mike is hanging up some wet jumpsuits, all identical to the one he's wearing. Bob is wearing an apron and an exaggerated chef's hat and is rapidly chopping up vegetables. Servo is stage right of Bob, hunched over a computer of some kind.)
(Suddenly, everyone lurches to the left as though the satellite has taken a sharp turn.)
Mike: (yelling offstage) Hey! Keep it on the road, I'm doing the laundry back here! (To Cambot) Hi everyone. Mike Nelson here, welcome to the Satellite of Love. Of course, you know these two, Guardian Bob of Mainframe and Tom Servo.
Mike: Anyway, as you may know, Gypsy is the nice lady robot who takes care of us and runs the ship and generally makes sure we stay alive while Pearl and Megabyte subject us to their horrific experiments. Well, today she's taking a well-deserved break, so we're all kind of fending for ourselves here and pitching in to help. I'm doing the laundry here, and. . .
(Suddenly, everyone lurches to the right as though the satellite has taken another sharp turn. Sounds like a semi honking.)
Crow: (off camera) Watch where you're going!
Mike: (regaining his bearings) And, uh, you can probably tell that Crow's driving. . .
Bob: And I'm making dinner.
Servo: (looking up) I didn't know you knew how to cook.
Bob: (boasting) Yep, all part of the Guardian protocols. Never know when you'll be out in the middle of nowhere and you'll have nothing to fall back on but your cooking skills. I remember once during the Codemaster uprising of '72, and I was. . .
(Everyone lurches to the left)
Bob: (yelling offstage) Would you be more careful? You're going to roll us!
Mike: (to Bob) You can't roll a satellite.
Servo: If anyone can, Crow can.
Mike: Hmm, good point. Well, Servo over there is watching the long-range scanners to make sure no weird alien threat gets too close to us, so we were just. . .
Servo: (looking up) Oh, is that what I was supposed to be doing? I've just been playing Pong Kombat for the past three hours.
(Bob looks over at Servo like an enormous rage is beginning to brew inside him.)
Mike: What? You mean for the past three hours no one's been watching out for trouble? We might be in the thick of some Xargon battlefield or something!
Servo: Well, I'm sorry, Mike, but you never made these plans of yours that clear to me, and --
Bob: (holding up a vegetable knife aggressively) Gamer! Murderer! Prepare to meet your doom!
(Servo starts screaming as Bob chases him off-stage.)
Mike: (to Bob) No! Don't run with that!
(Mike lurches to the left)
Mike: (still lurching) Cambot, gimme Rocket Number Nine! I need to see what's in the general neighborhood!
(An exterior shot of some sort of spaceship.)
(We're back inside. Mike is looking at the image, puzzled. Crow is standing next to him. Bob is in the background, wrestling with Servo.)
Crow: Say, a derilect Swazgrad 2000! My girlfriend, Jennifer, used to have one of those, only hers was red. Yep. A pretty sweet ride. It does zero to light speed in three seconds. Glides as gently as a cloud. Nope, don't get much better than that.
Mike: Huh. Cambot, contact the ship, see if anyone's on it.
(Mike looks up like something's just occurred to him, then he looks down at Crow.)
Mike: Hey, who's driving?
(Crow looks up at Mike, then back at the image.)
Crow: Umm, I'll be right back. (Scoots off)
(An exterior shot of the satellite crashing into the unknown spacecraft.)
(Cut to the inside of the unknown spacecraft. Megabyte is surrounded by various computers and other spaceship apparatus. The view shakes momentarily due to the force of the crash, and Megabyte is taken a bit off balance. When the shaking stops, he turns to face the monitor.)
Megabyte: Well, good afternoon Michael. How's everything on the satellite?
(Back on the SOL. The lights are going haywire, and Mike's busying himself with a fire extinguisher. Bob drop-kicks Servo then chases him off-screen.)
Mike: Ah, you know, same stuff, new day. Say, what are you doing on that derilect spaceship whachamajingy?
(Back to the unknown spacecraft. Megabyte's idly examining the various computer systems.)
Megabyte: Well, you know, the Widowmaker can get incredibly cramped after a while, so when we came across this abandoned spacecraft, we decided to investigate and see if we couldn't move in. Unfortunately, it's unsalvagable. A few of the systems still work, though, so we may spend a day or two here, just to stretch our legs. Right now, Madam Forrester is making use of the shower facilities (thank the User), and I was just exploring the main decks.
(Back on the SOL. Mike's got out the Magnetic Resonance Scanning and Tunneling microscope.)
Mike: (not listening) Yeah, that's great. (into the microscope) Hey, nanites?
(A shot of Ned the nanite)
Mike: Yeah, umm, our spaceship kinda got crashed and stuff. Think you guys could fix it?
Ned: Sure, no problem, live to serve you. We'll get started on that one right away. (Starts to crawl off, then stops and looks up at Mike) Wait a sec. Are you guys covered?
Mike: (puzzled) Covered? What do you mean?
Ned: Insured. Is your insurance going to cover this?
Mike: What? We never needed insurance before!
Ned: Well, I'm sorry Mr. N, but we're under new management down here. Why don't you just have a seat, I'll have Tammy do a check on you.
Mike: But we don't. . . oh, forget it.
(Crow pops up)
Crow: Hey, Mike, can I borrow the satellite this Saturday? Me and the guys, we were going to go camping.
(Mike gives Crow a dark look.)
(Cut to Megabyte in the unknown spacecraft.)
Megabyte: Well, I wasn't really ready for the experiment, but since you called, I'm sure I can scrape something up. Your story today is called Twisting Spectre. It's another sad and sappy Matrix/AndrAIa love story thing, set in the second arc of season three. (He scowls as a sudden thought strikes him.) Drat, all of the transmission equipment is back in the Widowmaker. Well, maybe there's something around here. . .
(Megabyte starts routing through the equipment and finds an unplugged power cord. With a shrug, he plugs it in.)
Computer Voice: Main system functional. Please state your command.
Megabyte: Hmm. What have we here? (He puts his hand on one of the panels and infects the computer. A grin crosses his face.) It appears to be a plot device of some kind. Full ethernet access. . . plot hole capabilities. . . a heuristic emulator. . . at last!
(Back on the satellite. Servo and Bob are done fighting. Servo has a large knife stuck straight through his head. Everyone stares stupified at the monitor for a few seconds.)
(Back with Megabyte.)
Megabyte: With this technology, I can finally realise my greatest ambition and create a portal to the Supercomputer!
(Back on the satellite. Mike scratches his head, but otherwise there's no reaction.)
(Back with Megabyte.)
Megabyte: (trying to explain) And then I'll use that portal to reach the Supercomputer, and then I'll take it over.
(Back on the satellite. No one gets it.)
(Back with Megabyte. Megabyte sighs long-sufferingly.)
Megabyte: And then I'll be able to use the Supercomputer to take over the Net.
(Back on the satellite. Mike checks his watch.)
Crow: (aside to Mike) When's he going to send us the story?
(Back with Megabyte.)
Megabyte: Do I have to speak more slowly or something? I-AM-GOING-TO-TAKE-OVER-THE-- oh, forget it. Listen, the experiment can wait today, this is important. (To the computer) Computer! Open a portal to the Supercomputer, now!
Computer Voice: Engaging plot hole. Plot hole engaged. Plot hole in 30 seconds.
(Back on the satellite. Bob starts blinking rapidly.)
Bob: (snapping his fingers) Wait a nano! This is bad!
(Everyone else looks at Bob.)
(Back on the spacecraft.)
Computer Voice: Plot hole in ten seconds. Nine. . . eight. . . seven. . . six. . .
Megabyte: Finally! After so long! It's so close I can taste it!
(Pearl walks in wearing a bath robe.)
Pearl: Whoo! It's hotter than hell in this tin can! Let's get some AC goin'. (She begins fiddling with one of the control panels.)
Megabyte: No! Stop! Don't touch that!
Computer Voice: Plot device activated. Engaging plot twist.
(A portal opens, and who should come out of it but Hexadecimal)
Hexadecimal: Hello, dear brother! Didn't expect to see me again, did you?
Megabyte: Oh bloody hell. . .
(Hexadecimal blasts Megabyte with energy. Pearl turns around and starts tiptoeing away quietly.)
(Back on the satellite. Bob's the only one who seems interested in what's going on.)
Bob: Hey, you know, she could be our ticket out of here!
Mike: What do you mean?
Bob: That's Hexadecimal, Megabyte's sister. She's super-omnipotent and she kind of has a thing for me.
Crow: Yeah, I'm sure she does.
Bob: (ignoring him) Hey! Hexadecimal!
(Back on the spacecraft. Hex stops blasting Megabyte, turns around, and notices Bob on the monitor. Megabyte quietly starts crawling away.)
Hexadecimal: Oh, Bob! It's been days, it really has! What brings you to these parts?
Bob: Megabyte's captured me and stuck me on a satellite with these guys. He's been forcing us to read these stupid fanfics, and it's destroying us! You've got to save us!
(Back on the spacecraft)
Hexadecimal: Well, we can't have that, now can we? I. . .
(Hexadecimal notices something. She turns to see Pearl and Megabyte huddled on the ground, whispering.)
Pearl: (whispered, to Megabyte) Hey, Megs! Do you know this woman?
Megabyte: (whispered) She's my sister. We've been trying to, well, destroy one another all our run-time.
Hexadecimal: (swooping down on Pearl) Who are you!
Pearl: Oh, uh, hi! Pearl, Pearl Forrester. Nice to meet you.
Hexadecimal: Are you in kahootz with my brother?
Pearl: Me? (laughs) No, I don't even know the guy, and if I did, I'm sure I'd hate him.
(Hexadecimal gives Megabyte another blast of energy, then turns back to the monitor.)
Hexadecimal: Anyway, Bob, I think I know something that will cheer you right up.
Bob: You're going to take me with you back to Mainframe and help these guys return to their time?
Hexadecimal: NO! I'm going to send you this little story my friend Emidecimal wrote. It's all about our adventures as we crush every living thing in our path. You're going to love it!
Crow: Emidecimal! No!
Bob: (a bit nervous) Umm, Hex? It's not that I don't trust you, but. . .
Hexadecimal: Oh, that's all right Bob. No need to thank me. Now, here we go with Day of the Decimal!
(Hex blasts some energy off-screen, apparantly toward the satellite.)
Pearl: (kissing up to Hexadecimal) Say, who does your hair? That looks really good on you.
Hexadecimal: (flattered) Actually, it's a tinsmith on Baudway.
Pearl: You know, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.
(Megabyte, lying zapped on the ground, moans softly.)
Servo: Oh, good one, Bob!
Mike: Heads up! We got movie sign!
Bob: Actually, we don't yet.
(Lights and alarms go off.)
Bob: Okay, HERE WE GO!
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