(An establishing shot of the Satellite of Love.)
Servo: (off-camera) Aquarius: Your love life is looking up, despite the fact you're a small red robot trapped on a Satellite and forced to watch really bad movies and fanfics by a virus, a man sized talking ape, an omnipotent alien and the mother of the mad scientist who shot you into space. Invest wisely in stocks. Try to avoid avocados at all costs.
(Cut to the bridge of the SOL, where Crow and Tom are dressed in tuxedos. Tom's reading a newspaper. Bob's reading over his shoulder.)
Servo: I've gotta admit, Crow, your incredibly expository horoscopes are great. I have no idea how we would've gotten this important information out to the non-MST3K fans out in the audience without them!
Bob: Why, it would have taken a clumsy and repetitive bit of dialogue to do that! Of course all our loyal MRT4K readers already know all this.
Crow: (Modestly) Well, Gypsy proof-read them for me.
Bob: So, we almost ready for that preview special thing?
Crow: (laughing) Hey, Tom. Look who forgot his tuxedo.
Bob: I didn't forget.
(Bob double-clicks his icon and is instantly tuxified.)
Crow: (subdued) Oh.
Bob: (To himself) God I love doing that.
Servo: Yeah, we're pretty much just waiting for Mike to show up.
Bob: (Starts playing around with his outfits) Where is he?
Servo: Ah, Gypsy's helping him with his cummerbund or something or other, I dunno. . .
Crow: He didn't put on the bubble one again did he?
Servo: Yeah. He got soap and water all over the couch.
Bob: (Booting into a trenchcoat) So, let me get this straight -- tonight we're going to be looking at clips from the best ReBoot Web pages and fanfics that a bunch of people have voted for, right?
Crow: In theory, yep.
Bob: So theoretically there's going to be a higher level of quality than in our normal fare around here, right?
Servo: You betcha.
Bob: (confused) But we still have to riff them anyway?
Servo: Well, yes. It's sort of what we do.
Bob: (Changing into a snorkeling outfit) Okay. If you say so.
Crow: (intensely) We do Bob. We really, really do.
Bob: (Switching to a business suit) Sure thing.
Crow: Will you just stop playing with that thing?
Mike: (hurrying in) Hey, sorry I'm late. How do I look?
Servo: Like a pile of ham in a tux. Are we ready?
Bob: Sure, just let me get back into my tux. (He boots into a mime outfit. Horrified stares from the rest of the crew)
Bob: Whoops. Um...er...
Crow: (Trying to restrain his laughter) Uh uh! No talking when you're like this!
Bob: Look, I needed an extra three credits back in the Academy and-
Tom: (Giggling) You even have those tiny triangles under your eyes!
Bob: All the other classes were full so-
Crow: Hey, do the one where you pretend you're trapped in a box!
Bob: (Booting back into his tux) Do you even care about what I'm saying?
Mike: Come on, let's just do it already.
(Lights flash! Sirens sound!)
All: We've got Unofficial ReBoot Awards sign!
(We're in the theater. Bob, Servo, Mike, and Crow's shadows are cast on the screen as they file in and sit down. There's music in the air.)
Servo: (singing) The day has come to pay tribute / to the best pages by folks who love ReBoot. . .
Crow: (singing) It's the time of year to give a tip of the hat / to the authors who know where it's at!
Mike: (singing) It's time for the bootnicks to come out and shine / as we say farewell because it's 1999!
Bob: (singing) So before going out to cast your vote / sit back and relax, put down your remote. . .
All: (singing) For Mystery ReBoot Theater 4000's Unofficial Unofficial ReBoot Awards Preview Special!
(Gasps and coughs)
Bob: (Sucking in air) Maybe we should have shortened that last line.
(Switch to a front view of Mike, Bob, and the 'bots all done up and sitting in their respective seats.)
Mike: (Serious tone, fingers laced together in his lap) Hello, and welcome to this URA preview special. Tonight, we'll be looking at some clips from various URA nominees.
Servo: We begin our Odyssey of text with fan pages. Now, everyone and their sister has a ReBoot page up somewhere with an episode guide, fanfic archive, character profiles, images, sounds, and lists of people they want to kill. . .
(The others turn toward Servo, somewhat uncomfortable.)
Servo: . . . But we've surfed these pages in search of that certain something, that indefinable "it", that je ne sais pas that makes each of these pages magical. Unique. A thing of beauty all their own.
Crow: But that took too long, so we pretty much just grabbed the first thing that caught our eye.
Bob: Our first clip comes from The Mainframe Peanut Gallery, which is up for Best New Site, Most Humorous Site, and Best Fresh-Roasted Flavor. It's a sample from "The Bootnick Theory" which investigates the differences between bootnick females and the leading national brand. Let's watch.
(The standard rear shot, with the text appearing on the screen with Mike, Bob, and the 'bots casting shadows on the bottom.)
Who will go farther?
Crow: The chicken or the egg?
Question: Who is more resourceful: Regular girls or Bob lovers?
Crow: Well it'll be hard to say since except for AndrAIa all the women in Mainframe are or were pretty much the later.
Experiment: We will bring in fitting stimuli for each female.
Mike: I feel like I'm back
in Mr. Kirk's Bio 30 class.
Crow: The one where you set all those lab mice loose?
Mike: Yeah, that's the one.
Bob and A Backstreet Boy.
Servo: Working on the
assumption that every girl not infatuated with Bob is with a Backstreet
Mike: She's not really giving us a wide choice range, is she?
The later will obviously be for the supposed mall crawling non-believer. We will then monitor the subjects attempts to reach their ultimate goal:
Servo: A successful and worthwhile career that brings meaning to their lives?
their dream hunk.
No only will we monitor resourcefulness but persistence as well.
Mike: Use only real Bob. Any non-Bob or Bob substitutes are strongly discouraged.
Mike: They're going for that political edge.
Crow: A package of bendy straws.
High backed chair
Bob: I have a feeling I don't want to know where this is going.
Crow: (Author) Because we're going to need something to weigh those bodies down with.
1. Place the subjects in separate rooms.
2. Chain them to and chair and tie them up.
Bob: I REALLY don't want to know where this is going.
3. Attach weights to their feet.
Mike: (Girl) Are
you SURE you're going to let me out later?
Crow: (Tester) Of course.
Mike: (Girl) Only I didn't see a key...
Crow: (Tester) It's in...uhm...my other jacket.
4. Place them exactly ten feet away from their respective male bait.
Servo: It's the Japanese version of The Dating Game!
5.Cover the floor with ice cubes.
Servo: 6. Hand subjects ice skates.
6. Watch the subjects attempt to reach their goal.
Mike: 7. Laugh your ass off.
Subject A: Bootnick and
00:15 Girl begins to drool.
Tom: (Girl) He's holding a pack of Resse's Pieces Buttercups! Yum!
00:30 Girl attempts to break
01:00 Girl starts to yank at chains.
Crow: (Girl) Oh come on, give me ONE.
01:30 Girl bites chains.
Bob: 01:35 Girl spits out four teeth.
01:45 Girl searches through
02:00 Girl finds an icon pin.
Mike: 02:01 Girl wishes it was actually of some use.
02:15 Girl starts picking
03:00 Girl succeeds at opening lock and throws chains off.
03:30 Bob begins to sing.
Servo: 03:01 Girl writhes in pain.
04:00 Girl pulls against ropes.
Mike: 04:15 Girl begs Bob to either shoot her or stop singing.
04:30 Girl flutters her eyelashes
at the singing Bob.
04:45 Girl starts gnawing on the rope.
Servo: 04:50 Bob notices something is amiss and wonders if he should go over and untie her.
05:00 Girl looks around, casting puppy eyes at Bob.
Crow: 05:15 Bob is scared off by puppy eyes. He decides to go bowling instead.
05:20 Girl reaches into boots.
Bob: (Girl) Ropes or not I'm getting this stupid pebble out of my boots if it's the last thing I do.
06:00 Girl discovers sporks.
Servo: (Girl) I claim this spork for Spain!
06:15 Girl starts hacking at ropes.
Mike: 06:17 Girl discovers
sporks are made of plastic and break easily.
Servo: 06:18 Girl finds creative new uses for several cuss words.
07:00 Girl breaks ropes and starts to run.
Bob: 07:01 Girl finds out that circulation in her legs has been cut off for too long and falls over.
07:20 Girl falls flat on her face, weighted down by the weights.
Mike: It took her 19 seconds
Crow: This is one of the really, really rabid fans, right?
07:30 Girl is reduced to the primitive behavior reminiscent of her ancestor Bob lovers and starts crawling.
Bob: 07:31 Bob becomes disturbed.
07:45 Girl moans at Bob.
Bob: 07:46 Bob becomes greatly disturbed.
07:50 Girl slips on
08:00 Girl asks Bob to melt ice with energy from his hands.
Crow: 08: 01 Season one Bob looks at her funny.
08:15 Bob complies.
Mike: (Bob) Anything to get her to stop whimpering.
08:30 Girl continues to crawl.
Crow: (Bob) Look, do you need crutches or anything?
09:00 Girl collapses into Bob's arms.
Mike: 09:01 Vengeful Dot takes sledgehammer to girl, tainting results. Start over from beginning.
Subject B: Teenage Girl and
00:15 Girl begins to drool.
00:30 Girl continues to drool.
01:00 Girl wipes up saliva.
Bob: 01:00 Nick offers her a mop.
01:30 Girl looks at Nick and screams.
Mike: (Nick) What? What?! Are we in danger or something? What is it?
01:45 Girl screams at chains.
Servo: (Nick) Oh. So that wasn't voluntary.
02:00 Girl starts
02:15 Girl looks at chains again.
Bob: 02:16 Girl attempts to melt chains with her mind! 02:20 Girl gets headache.
03:00 Girl looks forlornly at Nick, tears running down her mascara coated face.
Crow: 03:00 Nick compliments her on the raccoon costume.
03:30 Nick begins to sing.
Mike: 03:30 Girl begs him to either shoot her or stop.
04:00 Girl finds a nail file in bra.
Crow: Girl spends 29 seconds wondering why the hell she had it stuck down there.
04:30 Girl giggles and drops nail file.
Bob: 04:30 Girl reinforces
Mike: Not that the Bob fan had any more dignity.
04:45 Girl picks up nail
05:00 Girl starts picking lock on chains.
Crow: 05:00 Girl realizes she doesn't know HOW to pick locks.
05:20 Girl stops to vomit up lunch.
Servo: 05:21 Nick is sickened.
06:00 Girl continues to pick lock.
Mike: Girl figures what
the hell, she might as well give it a try.
Crow: Wow, only forty seconds. She's pretty well-organized about her throwup.
06:15 Girl succeeds with picking lock.
Mike: 06:16 Girl goes "All-right! Who's the man?" for half a minute.
07:00 Girl notices ropes and starts crying all over again.
Crow: 07:00 Readers disturbed by last line.
07:20 Girl pokes ropes.
Bob: 07:21 Girl realizes they're still there.
07:30 Girl waves and giggles at Nick.
Tom: 07:31 Nick asks if he can go home now.
07:45 Girl starts trying to rip ropes apart.
Crow: 07:46 Girl succeeds, frightening Nick in process.
07:50 Girl starts
08:00 Girl looks for paper bag.
08:15 Girl rips off shirt and breathes into it.
Crow: 08:16 Nick ogles!
08:30 Girl returns to
09:00 Girl passes out.
Mike: 09:01 A free man once more, Nick skips out.
Mike: Both subjects insane.
It took nine minutes for the Bob lover to reach Bob. Our other subject had to be sent to the trauma center shortly after passing out.
Bob: Behold! The power
Crow: You can gloat but before you leave the theater we're going to have to ask you to dip your head in a bucket of ice water.
Although the experiment did not turn out the way we had hoped
Servo: Both subjects LIVED...
we did find out who can stand pressure longer and who gets their cake and eats it too. Ahem.
(Back to the front view of the guys, laughing.)
Crow: Ah, for fun. Next, we take a look at Dot's Data Compression Takeout.
Bob: Not to be confused with Dot's Diner.
Crow: No indeed. For one thing, Dot's Diner isn't up for a Best New Site or Best Layout award, and for another, Dot's Diner isn't the headquarters for the WBE Guild. And what is the WBE Guild? Glad you asked! Let's watch.
The WBE Homepage
Welcome to the Official Homepage of the WBE! If you're new to the association (or you've not come across me before) you may find the following information useful:
Servo: The square of a side of a triangle is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides minus twice the product of the other two sides and the cosine of the opposite angle.
1. What is the WBE?
Crow: As long as it's not the WB.
Well, WBE stands for Worshippers of Bobs' Eyebrows.
Tom: You know the regular Bob worshippers thing I could sort of handle. But this...
Bob: Even I'm weirded out.
The society has been founded on the basis that loads of people out there love Bob,
Bob: Natural assumption.
and no-one has a universal symbol to represent their devotion. Now, there is! Behold!
Mike: It's so beautiful!
Crow: The light! I see the light!
Bob: But. . . my eyebrows? (Whips out a mirror and looks at it.)
2. But why his eyebrows?
Mike: A question which has plagued man since the dawn on time.
Just because this is possibly my favourite part of his body - But that's a different story that I won't go into here.
Crow: I'm saving it for
the talk shows.
Bob: Uh-a lot of my fans are over eighteen, right?
Mike: Not really.
Bob: (Hands in his head) Oh boy.
You can access it in the WBE Menu. You need to love everything about Bob to qualify for Guild status,
Mike: Three guesses as to where Bob's vote is going.
but you can, like me, pick one particular, favourite part of him to concentrate on.
Crow: I love the fingernail of his left pinky.
Personally, I love the hair, the smile, the body, the eyes - but for me, the brows have it!
Servo: You know what? I'll be right back. (hovers off stage left)
3. But Matrix is a Guardian too - shouldn't he be acknowledged in this way?
Crow: Well if you go in for bulky, brooding and trigger happy.
Bob was the first, the premier Guardian, the sexiest and best,
Bob: (Hands in the
air) Woo hoo!
Mike: Hell you'd BETTER hope Dot's not reading this.
IMO and deserves such acknowledgment. I intend to have a similar shrine to Matrix,
Crow: Worshippers of Matrix's Armpits!
and possibly Enzo too,
Bob: Worshippers of Enzo's
Crow: Aren't they the same person?
Mike: Well unless she means Little Enzo but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming it's non-romantic.
some time in the near future.
(Front view. Bob's looking at himself in a mirror, moving his eyebrows up and down.)
Crow: You know, they are kinda cute.
Mike: Our next nominee is up for Most Promising Site, Zetaframe. Among the many things you'll find on this page is the "Conspiracy (and other) Theories" section, where Puppychild figures out what's going on behind the scenes so you don't have to. Let's watch.
(Servo slides back in.)
Servo: I'm back!
(Everyone looks at him. He has replicas of Bob's eyebrows attached to his bubble dome.)
Servo: (innocently) What?
Mouse and the Icons
My first theory...
Servo: "Daemon is really Scuzzy!"
Mouse and the icons. Now she was the one who hacked AndrAIa's icon and made it mode-changeable. This brings up a later question...
Crow: What the heck is with the glowing hair?
how did Frisket and Enzo's icons end up being changeable?
Mike: Pixie magic.
Some people think that Mouse did it
Servo: No! The butler did it!
(you know, off camera) and didn't bother telling Dot.
Bob: (Mouse) Now Enzo, don't tell your sister I've been playing around with your very existence. This'll just be between you and me.
So theoretically, Mouse would have known that Enzo and AndrAIa were still alive,
Crow: Provided she remembered to tell them.
and if this withholding of information were misunderstood, it could seem very cruel. However, I don't want to think such a bad thing of Mouse,
Crow: (Author) So I'll just be delusional and think of something else.
so this is my theory of what happened. I must quote from Crichton's 'The Lost World'
Mike: (Crichton) I've seen the upcoming script so let me apologize in advance for the movie adaptation.
(despite the horrible movie, this is a very good read.) and so must dig under the bed for a moment.
Bob: Man, I wish these people would at least come prepared.
Be right back. *dives under bed*
Servo: (screaming) Extreme quote checking!
Okay. "Eddie had argued for backups; he had argued for a little gasoline generator, just in case;
Crow: He'd argued for a set of fuzzy dice.
he had argued for a lot of things. And he had always been voted down.
Bob: Eerie-that sounds
EXACTLY like the Eddie in "Weird-O's", yet another fine quality program from
the people at Mainframe Entertainment Inc....
Crow: You're not actually still working for them you know.
Under the circumstances, Eddie did the only sensible thing: he built in a few extras, and he didn't tell anybody about it."
Mike: Hey, Eddie. . . what's
this five thousand dollar request for again?
Servo: Uh. . . donuts?
Voila. Engineer mentality.
Servo: So Mouse is Dilbert?
Mouse, under the circumstances, did the sensible thing and built in a few extras.
Crow: A swimming pool, a little gas grill. . .
She would've also known that the new icons were experimental, and she wouldn't have told Dot because
Crow: There was always the chance that they would explode without warning.
Enzo, AndrAIa and Frisket /could/ have been nullified if the icons failed, and getting Dot's hope up would probably be a bad idea.
Bob: So it's better to give her no reason to think her brother would ever come back.
That's my Mouse-and-Icons theory...she knew more than she let on, but she didn't know everything, and by not telling Dot she hoped to spare her friend an even lurchier emotional roller-coaster ride.
Servo: Or maybe she did tell her off-camera, which would explain the fact that no one asked why Matrix, AndrAIa, and Frisket were still alive.
(Back to the front view.)
Bob: Huh. Well, our next clip comes from A Minor Glitch, which is up for Most Original Site and Best Content.
Crow: MG has pulled out all the stops and barred no holds in an attempt to bring us some of the most original ReBoot stuff you'll ever find, from Bobopoly to ReBoot Spin-offs to even weirder stuff.
Mike: We tried not to include fanfics that weren't nominated specifically, but we just couldn't pass up our next clip, "Buttons, the Renegade Lamb".
The Adventures of Buttons, the Renegade Lamb
Mike: Beanie baby coming soon.
*Based on a true lamb.
Mike: So THAT'S where Lambchop went after "Lampchop's Playalong".
Names have been changed to protect the lamb.*
Crow: Hardly any animals
were hurt in the making of this fanfic.
Bob: Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery while enjoying this fanfic.
Mike: If not completely satisfied, return the unused portion for a full refund.
Servo: Offer void in Utah.
EPISODE ONE: DON'T JUDGE A LAMB BY ITS COVER
Bob: But go ahead and do it with books.
[Matrix is standing around absent-mindedly shooting stuff,
Crow: I thought this was supposed to be an unrealistic, mad-capped comedy.
when an adorable little lamb walks up to him.]
Servo: (Lamb) Excuse me but have you seen anyone named Mary around here?
Matrix [stops firing and looks down at the lamb]: Who're you?
Crow: (Matrix) Hey-how
do you know my name anyhow? You're a spy aren't you?! A spy from
Bob: (Buttons) No, I'm-
Crow: BLAM! (Matrix) I should really try to cut down on that.
Buttons: I'm Buttons. I'm
Matrix: Why don't you go off and eat some grass or something, then.
Bob: (Buttons) Nah. I'm sick of vegetarianism. Got any steaks on you?
I'm busy doing renegade
Buttons: Oh, I can do that, too! I'm a renegade lamb!
Matrix: You're a renegade?
Buttons: Why wouldn't I be?
Mike: (Matrix) Well
what are you a renegade against?
Bob: (Buttons, darkly) Woolly sweaters.
Matrix: Well, you're just so... cute and fluffy. A renegade has to be tough. A renegade can't fear viruses, codemasters, or anyone else. A renegade has to be able to look deletion in the eye and say,
Crow: (Matrix) "Excuse
me, I just need to go to the bathroom for a second."
Tom: (Buttons) So a renegade also as to be a good sprinter.
Crow: (Matrix) Oh yeah.
"I don't think
Buttons: Okay, I can do all that. Now can we hang out together?
Matrix [getting annoyed]: Look, I know you think you have what it takes to be a renegade, but-
Mike: (Matrix) I have this huge, vicious dog that...(pause) I mean, sure!
[Just then, a big ugly
reptilian-looking virus emerges from a portal.]
Virus: Where is the one who calls himself "Matrix"? I have a score to settle with him!
Servo: Though I have no idea what he looks like!
Buttons: You want to hurt my best friend Matrix?
Crow: (Matrix) Oh God.
You'll have to go through
Matrix [embarrassed]: He's not my friend, really. We just met a nano ago.
Virus: What is he, anyway?
Bob: (Virus) Isn't he one of those "screen mates" things?
Some kind of goat or
Buttons: I'm a lamb! A RENEGADE lamb!
Virus: Whatever, little fuzzy thing. Just don't mess with me, or you'll be renegade mutton.
Buttons [looking the virus in the eye]: I don't think so!
Bob: If ONLY I could get that copyrighted!
[Before he can do anything, Buttons (in quite an amazing feat for such a cute little lamb) swallows the virus whole.]
Mike: Wow. No wonder lamb chops cost so much.
Buttons: Not bad, huh?
Matrix: I guess you are kind of a renegade.
Servo: (Matrix) Eating viruses and all.
Maybe I can let you hang out
with me after all.
Buttons: Great! Can I try using your gun?
Buttons: Aww... Please?
Crow: His other power is that he can get people to buy him Pokemon cards.
Buttons: Pretty please?
Servo: Repeat as necessary.
Buttons: With a cherry on
[This could be going on for quite some time... Let's just fade to black.]
Servo: Smashing idea.
END EPISODE ONE
(Back to the front view. Laughter.)
Servo: Ah, we sure read that. Anyhoo, now we're going to take a look at some unanswered questions posed at System Frunull, which is up for Most Promising Site.
"The truth is out there..."
Mike: Somewhere in East Wisconsin.
And I'm sure it is, when and if Mainframe makes a 4th season. Welp,
here are some questions that need to be answered.. and if anyone has any answers email me!
Crow: How about we just shout 'em at the screen?
Who is Daemon, and what are his motives?
Servo: Daemon is a single, yellow female seeking a single, blue male for a night of infecting him into her collective.
Whats going to happen
Crow: To Chess Piece Face?
between Enzo and Matrix?
Bob: Who'll get their old room? Has Dot thrown out their Baseball cards? Who gets to date AndrAIa?
And how will AndrAia cope?
Mike: Little red pills.
What happened to the web riders?
Servo: They're doing some modeling for "Diablo II".
Where's young AndrAia?
Crow: Read "The Shadows Trilogy" to find out!
Whats with Feathers apearances?
Servo: Something so sinister that it would sear our souls to find out, so let's just skip that one.
Who is the unknown binome?
Is Megabyte dead? Or did he survive the web?
Servo: Yes and no, not necessarily in that order.
Whats with Bob's scales?
Bob: Basically, he's evil.
Bob: So there you go. You're welcome.
Servo: We're going to detour a bit into fanfiction again to bring you this clip of "Strange World" from Matrix's corner, which is up for Most Promising Site. It's a season 4 prediction fic of some kind. I dunno.
-"We must join all the systems to to beat Daimon"
Crow: She's just mad because everyone keeps on misspelling her name like that.
Bob gave a speach in a small system.
Mike: (Bob) ...and
THAT'S how I beat drugs. Any questions?
Crow: (Little Binome) Is that what did that to your hair?
Mike: (Bob) I am so SICK of that question...
It was about how they all should join and form an army that can beat the gurdians and delete Daimon.
Servo: And decide on a theme for the Senior Prom.
NO sole moved or spoke but Bob. After the speach ended ,all the people clapped. Almost evry binom and sprite signed the joining list.
Bob: The volunteers really started coming in after we started offering a free toaster with every enlistment.
-"Hopefully this will work cause we need more people"Matrix came up to Bob with his memory board.
Matrix...shouldn't that be INSIDE your head?
Mike: Don't worry! I'm doing just fine, er...ah...blue person.
-"Well this is all the systems
I can scan for,I don't know any others" Bob looked at Matrix and
-"Maybe the computer scanner can find something new"
-"Hope so,If we wont find any more people Daimon can win"
Servo: Cannon fodder doesn't grow on trees, you know.
Matrix took out his scanner
and looked for a new system.
-"I got it"Matrix shouted.
-"You found another system???"
Crow: (Matrix) No, I finally caught an Abra!
-"wait it isn't a system"Matrix
-"let me see that"Bob took the scanner from Matrix.
Bob: You're right. It's just a Mac.
-"It has the level of the
system and it has people who live in it,what is wrong than?"
-"can't you see it has a gaming level scale too,when all the other system don't they have evrything above it"
Mike: Oh yeah. I can see that.
-"You mean their is not alot
of movement in that system"Bob looked at the scanner again.
-"The other saspicias thing
Mike: Is that some sort of weird computer term?
Bob: (Squinting) No, I think that's just "suspicious" misspelt.
in their it has a population
of 100,when others have population of more than 700"
-"the only way to find out if it is a system or not is
Crow: With radar!
to go their and check it out
ourselfs"Bob gave the scanner back to Matrix and smiled.
-"You're right,lets go than" Both grabbed their zip_boards and flew towards the closes terror.
Servo: From the Year 5000!
the portal,wich gave both of them a clear way through.
"Whell we are here"Bob and Matrix found themselfs in a new system that looked kinda weared for a system but normal for a game.
Bob: Oops, we landed in a Playstation. I hate it when we do that.
A sprite came up to Bob and
looked at him.
-"YOu are so weared,you have blue skin and some spots on it"
Bob: Yeah, and your mom dresses you funny.
-"Canny get away from this man he might hert you"
Servo: (Matrix) Listen to your mother, kid.
A woman came up to a boy and
took him away.
-"whats with them??"
-"I don't know ,but this system is weared"
Crow: Well, Windows 98 takes a little getting used to.
-"I don't think this is a
system at all and its not a game,Matrix"
-"than what is it ?"
-"The user world"
Bob: Oh yeah. I went there on vacation once.
Crow: So much for that. Our next site is "The List", run by the unsinkable Hanako Breeth. . . Brithe. . . by the unsinkable Hanako!
Mike: Though it's up for "Most Humorous Site", "The List" is actually one of the best self-critiquing tools you're likely to find on the Web, to help you refine your fanfic into a thing of true beauty.
Bob: Remember, kids, only you can prevent bad fanfics.
Servo: And now, taking a page from Jeff Foxworthy, here's a selection from "You've Written a Bad ReBoot Fanfic If. . ."
a) You spell Hexadecimal - "Hexydesmel"
Crow: Your charred remains are found on your front lawn the next morning.
b) You name Bob and Dot's kids something excruciatingly cutesy like "Aptiva", "Ami Pro", "Lotus" or "Winsock98"
Servo: At this point you may as well throw in the towel and call them "Windows 3.1" and "Windows 95".
c) Rather than choosing a ReBoot time scale and sticking to it, you make it up as you go along
Bob: You mean people
haven't been doing that all this time?
Crow: Could have fooled us.
: "Countless milliseconds passed. The next day, Matrix walked through the desert for nanos, until finally, in the last hour, he discovered a biweekly geyser."
[From Gizelle: "Adding to the time thing: you use regular time, but still use the 'See you in a nano' phrase and such like."]
Servo: We don't do that,
do we Bob?
Bob: Not in all the cycles I've been here.
Mike: How long have we been in the theater by the way?
Crow: Around half an hour.
d)1 - The main character in your story has the same name as you.
Bob: This, my friends, is what the experts call "Self-Insertion".
d)2 - Your name isn't even something original like "Emidecimal",
Servo: Or "Tonybyte" or "Jay Matrix" or "Steve Tracer".
it's something sad like: "Krystile"
Tom: Or anything with the
word "Tiger" in it.
Mike: Yeah. What kind of name is THAT?
e) Your main character is a "mysterious" user who enters Mainframe "mysteriously". Double points if the "mysterious" user has the same name as you. Triple points if you married a cast member's relative (Yes, this is *you* Jo Ann Montgomery).
Servo: Yeah, you tell her! Why, if that Jo Ann was here right now. . .
[From Jo Ann Montgomery:
Servo: AAAA! SHE'S HERE!
(Servo hides under the seat.)
I'm going to tell her everything you've ever said about her!
Servo: (muffled by the seat) No, please! I-I-I'll give you my desserts for a week! I'll clean your room! Anything!
"But dears, I was *not* all that mysterious! And how many Users do *you* know travel to Mainframe by magical fanfiction?"]
Bob: All of them?
f) At the end of your fic ... it's all just a bad dream.
Crow: Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
g) You couldn't be bothered to spell-check your story, giving us such gems as: "gutz" and "glupped".
Crow: And staibolixed! And saspicias!
Alternately, you spell-checked your story while asleep, giving us such gems as: "Fog" in lieu of Phong.
Mike: It's like she's describing our lives right before our very eyes...
h) You hand-draw pictures of your characters.
Bob: In crayon.
And expect other people to view them.
[People like my characters' pictures! What the hell is wrong with drawing your characters?
Crow: (Person) True I'm one of the artists with actual talent so my pictures actually look nice, but still!
Cheap shot, Hanako. I've seen plenty of pictures of people's created characters, and, dare I mention, I actually was impressed and able to better understand the characters through their creators' depictions of them.
Tom: Granted, most of the characters sucked.
-- WeB ViRuS]
[Okay, well, that's not been my experience.
Mike: (Hanako) Have you ever SEEN any of the anime fan art out there? Oh God...don't ask...
I must continue to protest that it's 'cheesy' and beg all you artists to at least put a sweater or baggy skirt on these characters. No more tights! Please.
Crow:. ..I love you Hanako.
Anime is nice, but so is good taste. -- Hanako]
h) i) Your picture is neither hand-drawn, nor spun out on your computer, it's merely a graphic or still pic from ReBoot, slightly (and/or sickeningly) manipulated to make a "new" character. We've all seen this ... Poor Bob with his hair lengthened and lips reddened does not make a new character!
Mike: When was
Bob: (Head in hands) I'm never living that down...
i) You spent hours on the computer just to get us a clumsy title graphic that looks like Matrix talking to Enzo.
Servo: i2) You spend hours on the computer just to get us a title graphic of Matrix blowing away Enzo.
j) Ray Tracer says "mate" more than once in the same sentence.
Crow: How about "Let's
mate, Mate." ?
k) Enzo says "alphanumeric" more than once in the same sentence.
Servo: Or even on the same page. Or at all.
[From Tora: a) Ray says 'Alphanumeric' more than once in one line. and/or b)Enzo says 'mate' more than once in one line. Oh dear.]
Crow: That way lies madness.
Servo: Whatever. Our next site, Cit_e, is up for Best Design.
Bob: As proof of the Webmaster's attention to aesthetic details, here's a brief discussion of clothes and hairstyles.
All right, I don't know about the rest of you guys (by saying guys I mean you ReBoot junkies, girls included), but I actually don't mind AndrAIa's clothes, and *gasp* I'm a girl!!!
Crow: (Author) And as many of you have suggested, no I'm not gay. Sheesh. Try to post an original opinion...
I've seen comment after comment of people complaining about how skimpy her top is, and that she looks like a slut.
Tom: I've always wondered if she's either immune to cold or if there's just no such thing as air conditioning in the Net.
I personally couldn't see her wearing a moo moo or large knitted sweater like other people have suggested. It just wouldn't suit her at all. Not that they were bad suggestions,
Mike: (Author) Well except for the moo moo. GOD that was stupid.
I just think it wouldn't work. I do agree with the point that a bra-like thingy wouldn't offer much protection in a fighting situation, but she's a water sprite!!
Bob: Protection doesn't matter when you're underwater!
Swim swim! Of course she's going to wear something that is like a bathing suit!
Mike: That easily lets many adolescents gawk at her!
Besides, with those arm bands it doesn't look like anything is going to hit her stomach anytime too soon. Plus it gives the teenage guys something to watch for. :P
Servo: So, teenage guys are interested in fashion?
There is one thing about her wardrobe I don't like though. I am not a huge fan of her boots, they're too countryish for me.
Crow: Plus those heels look like they'd be murder to run in.
Other than that, I don't have any problems with her clothes, and would personally love to run around armed with a cross bow and have a killer star fish in my hair.
Bob: Well, those are your issues I guess.
Bob: Why won't you let
Mike: Too many discussions about it?
Bob: You could say that.
Another little debate I've been reading about in our little ReBootish chunk of cyber space is that Glitch/Bob's hair sucks.
Bob: Well thanks.
I thought it looked crappier in the first two seasons.
Too Nick Carterish for me.
(I'm not a big fan of the Backstreet Boys, no offense if you do like 'em. Don't flame me!)
Mike: I wonder if those
words have ever actually stopped anyone.
Crow: Not bloody likely.
I like it much better in the third season, and if, hypothetically speaking, they did make a fourth season, I don't think he should have short hair again.
Bob: I really wish people
would stop analyzing each and every fashion statement I make.
Tom: "Bob's icon-shinier in seasons 1-2 or season 3? Discuss."
I know everyone else seems to think it's ugly, but too bad! I like it and there isn't anything you can say to change that! Mwahahaha!
Crow: I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!
Hey, wouldn't it look weird if he tied it up!! *hysterical laughing* Oh right, serious.
(Front view. The guys are stunned.)
Crow: Right, uhhh. . . when we come back, a look at the nominees for Best Fanfic.
(Back to the SOL. It's intermission. Mike, Bob and the Bots are gathered on the bridge, drinking out of champagne glasses and chatting. (Notice that the contents of Bob's glass are blue and glowing slightly.) Gypsy dressed in a glittering purple wrap and holding the bow in her mouth is playing a lovely cello piece in the background. There's a general air of culture over the whole scene)
Servo: ...and so I said "That may be true, but there's still room in the back!"
(Gales of laughter from the others. Mike slaps the table in merriment a few times)
Mike: Ah, Thomas! You never
seem to run out of these hilarious little quips!
Servo: With acquaintances like you? No chance of that my friend!
(Another round of laughter. Suddenly the mad's button lights up. Bob, not noticing, puts his glass down on it.)
What the HELL?
Bobo: Hey, what's going on? They're throwing a party? (Distressed monkey noise) And me without my spatz!
Megabyte: (Clearing his throat loudly) Excuse me gentlemen?
Crow: Huh? Uh
Mike: Uhm-hi sirs and Madame. We're-well you know those URA awards?
Pearl: Wait wait, lemme guess...you're acting as self-appointed critics and looking at the nominations in some sort of mock serious 'review'.
(Gypsy has stopped playing. They all look stunned)
Servo: How did you guess THAT?
Pearl: Oh after a while
you boys are so predictable.
Observer: It's almost sad, really.
Pearl: Well we don't have anything lined up for today so as long as you don't leave the theater a mess, knock yourselves out.
Megabyte: Enjoy it while you can. Jo Ann Montgomery's been a busy little girl lately. (chuckles)
Servo: Hey, anyone else
get a terrible feeling of foreboding just now?
Crow: Hmm. . . nope.
(Lights! Sirens! Madness!)
All: We've got best fanfic sign!