| ALABAMA | Literacy Ain't Everything |
| ARKANSAS | At Least We're not Oklahoma |
| CALIFORNIA | Se Habla Ingles |
| CONNECTICUT | New York City's OTHER Suburb |
| FLORIDA | The Gunshine State |
| IDAHO | Famous Potatoes ... and Neo-Nazis |
| ILLINOIS | Gateway to Iowa |
| INDIANA | Home of Dan Quayle |
| KANSAS | Don't Blame Us, We Voted For Dole |
| KENTUCKY | Tobacco is a Vegetable |
| MAINE | For Sale |
| MARYLAND | We're Better Than Virginia, Damn It! |
| MINNESOTA | Land of 7,000 lakes and 3,000 man-made ponds |
| MONTANA | Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else |
| NEW JERSEY | The Garbage State |
| NEW MEXICO | Lizards Make Excellent Pets |
| NEW YORK | You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney |
| NORTH CAROLINA | Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names |
| OHIO | Don't Judge us by Cleveland |
| OREGON | Jerry Garcia was here! |
| PENNSYLVANIA | Cook with Coal |
| SOUTH DAKOTA | Closer than North Dakota |
| TENNESSEE | The Educashun State |
| TEXAS | Don't Mess with Texas -- We're Armed |
| UTAH | Our Jesus is Better Than Your Jesus |
| VIRGINIA | We're Better Than Maryland, Damn It! |
| WASHINGTON | Keep Washington Green, Grow Hemp |
| WYOMING | Flat Is Where It's At |