Zorak's Nuggets of Joy:
Gandorf

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Ghost:: And now, here's a nugget of joy. From Zorak!
Zorak:: When I was an apprentice evil villain, I studied with the wise and terrible Gandorf The Mad Grinder. He taught me all the basics - sneaking up from behind, the use of diversionary tactics, pleading to a lesser offense. I'll never forget one day Gandorf said, "Grasshopper," - he kept calling me 'Grasshopper', I never knew why - but anyways, he said "Grasshopper, if it looks like a duck and smells like a duck, it must be a chicken! I didn't know what in blazes he was talking about, so I asked him to explain. "Think of it this way," he said, "it is a wise mantis that always leaves the house in clean underwear in case he gets run over by a hydrotanker." It was then that I knew that Gandorf had lost his mind. So, I bid him farewell and left to pursue my criminal career! A career that, given my present circumstances, has hit rock bottom. I guess you could say that Gandorf The Mad Grinder made me what I am today.
Ghost:: A three-time loser.
Zorak:: Exactly.
Ghost:: Never learned how to use The Force, eh?
Zorak:: I just couldn't get the hang of it.