Is it fun bein' on the TV?
Well it, um, I'll tell ya, uh, buddy, uh, see, there's these lights, uh,
up above me that shine down on me alla time and I just am always - I sweat,
a lot! And it gets really hot in this stupid mask and sometimes I wanna take
it off but then, then the makeup person says "Hey, don't. You're ugly." and
I say "But I'm not ugly!" and she says "No, you don't know it, but you are."
And, so, uh, then, you know, the, ah, oh, one time when I was on TV, I'm
tellin' you, boy, it was just... I usually take the bus to work, and, well,
see, they didn't - I got to work, and they didn't have my pineapple! And
I'se like, "Where's my pineapple?!" and they said, "Well, Mr. Brak, we don't
have your pineapple today, we ran out." and I'm like, "Well, whaddaya know
'bout that?! D'you think I'm gonna go out on stage without my pineapple?!
You think I'm gonna do that?! Come on! It's in my contract that I have to
have a pineapple!" And I didn't have the pineapple, and so, you know, my
day was shot, so I called my agent and he said, "Well, hey, babe, that's
the way it goes in this show business." and I said, "That is NOT the way
it should go! A guy's gotta have his pineapple! What's gonna happen to the
world if I don't get my pineapple, because if I don't get my pineapple I
don't get my vitamin C and if I don't get my vitamin C then I CAN'T WORK
ANYMORE! STUPID AGENT, YOU'RE FIRED!
I'm all worked up now. I gotta go outside.
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