|(Mike, Bob, and the Bot's walk back into
the theater and sit down)
Part III: 'Somewhere on the Web...'
Crow: Man, ughhh.. he really must be bored,
counting the uhh times he's abused his errrggg fists.
He was about as mad as any sprite could ever be: mad at Megabyte, mad at Hexadecimal--but most of all, mad at himself for trusting them. "How could I have been so low-density?!"
Mike: Well, you see, your cells tightly mass together creating a hardened body.
he fumed. "A null could've seen what they were up to."
Crow: Hi. I'm a null. Oh look, there's Megabyte betraying Bob.
Once again Bob searched the interior of his prison, hoping to find some seam or crack to break open.
Tom Servo: "Well, let's see if my head's any harder by smashing it against the walls again."
Mike: And now his head hurt, too!
A strange hissing noise eminated from outside the capsule.
Tom Servo: That means a snake or bad air filtration.
A creature resembling a giant purple spider with too many legs swished past, dangerously close.
Mike: "Hey bay'be!"
It regarded the capsule and its startled occupant with sixteen menacing orange eyes before gliding away at a leisurely pace.
Crow: His charm with the women just wasn't what it used to be..
Then again, maybe it was a good idea to stay inside the capsule for the time being...
Tom Servo: Oh, the first smart idea he's had in days.
Bob fought to keep himself calm. *There's gotta be a way out of this,*
Crow: Yeah right, and Jo Don Baker can act.
he thought. It didn't look too promising, though-
Mike: Yeah, just an impenetrable door and
an army of fierce, vile, slavering...
--he had heard many of the same horror stories that Dot had.
Bob: I had heard about the Sailor Moon episodes?
At least there was no immediate danger;
Bob: Yeah, just the slavering hordes.
the capsule would keep out any hostile life-forms.
Mike: So how is Bob in it?
But somehow, that relative safety worried Bob.
Crow: Yeah, he would have preferred being dangled over a pit of boiling lava like they had originally planned.
Megabyte could've deleted the Guardian right then and there-
Mike: First sign of insanity: Referring
to yourself in the third person.
--and instead, he had locked him in a capsule and blasted him into the Web?
Tom Servo: Bob really has this hang-up on Megabyte, doesn't he? I mean, we can't usually have a different Mad every week. Bob had at least two main enemies.
Meggy could do better than that.
Crow: Ahhhhh, Bob's in love, he called
Suddenly, a robotic-sounding voice echoed through the capsule: "SELF- DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED."
Tom Servo: "You have ten seconds to kiss your pathetic butt good-bye."
*Self-destruct?!* thought Bob in a panic. *I should've known Megabyte would come up with something like that!!*
Tom Servo: And all this time I thought
he'd just try to flood the thing!
"DETONATION IN 10...9...8...7...6...5..."
Mike: "4...2... oops... sorry... 3... 2..."
*This is bad--VERY BAD...*
Tom Servo: Whoo, in monotone too.
"3...2...1..." The capsule shattered into thousands of fragments- -and suddenly, Bob was falling towards who-knows-where.
Mike: Down, down...
As if things weren't bad enough, the giant spider-thing,
Crow: "Nice spider-thing. Good spider-thing... Ahhhh, he's got my arm, he's eating me alive!"
which was still nearby, wheeled around and sped straight towards the Guardian; no doubt intent on discerning whether or not he was edible.
Tom Servo: A little spice and a side of salad and he makes a wonderful snack.
Its legs had barely brushed Bob's neck, however, when a noise even louder than the capsule exploding made it skitter away with a frightened squeal.
Mike: Roseanne Barr singing?
A few hundred feet away, the swirling tendrils of energy parted to form a brilliant blue portal,
Crow: The Brita water purification system turns any ordinary puddle into beautiful shimmering portals to other dimensions.
unlike any that Bob had ever seen before.
Bob: Geeze, I've only seen about four.
A beam of blue light extended from it, surrounded Bob, and began to pull him towards whatever was beyond the portal.
Mike: A galaxy far, far away.
Bob's last thought before losing consciousness was, *Well, whatever's out there can't be much worse than here...*
Tom Servo: Why do they always say that?
Part IV: 'Home Sweet Home'
Mike: In which Bob finds Mainframe has been transformed into a huge Candy Cane.
When Bob woke up, he couldn't figure out where he was.
Mike: After using three kilos of LSD you kinda have that problem.
He was slumped in a chair in a small, rounded chamber. Two more chairs identical to his were placed in front of him, facing the same way.
Crow: Great, while he was asleep his dorm-room buddies decided to play a practical joke on him.
Someone was seated in the chair on the left, but Bob could only see the back of the sprite's head.
Mike: I didn't know soda had a front or
back or head.
"Wha--where am I?"
Tom: IN HELL!
"Somewhere safe, sugah," said a familiar voice from the front of the chamber.
Tom Servo: Just before turning and slashing at him with a large sword.
The figure turned; and Bob stared, surprised, into an even more familiar pair of magenta eyes.
Mike: Why? Did he see some familiar disembodied ones or something?
"MOUSE??" he gasped.
Tom Servo: You would've thought the glowing hair would've tipped him off.
"But how--" The hacker chuckled. "It was a lot easier than you'd think. Ah convinced Turbo t' let me use the Supercomputer's web browser. Ah jus' searched for 'Guardian,' downloaded, an' there you were."
Bob: Oh, hah, hah, Shut up.
She shook her head in disbelief. "It was almost too easy!"
Mike: Everything's almost too easy. If
everything was that easy we'd be on earth in the past and apes wouldn't have
conquered then blown it up!
Bob had to laugh, too. It was so simple, it was ridiculous.
Crow: It was so simple only a genius could do it.
"I guess I owe you one, Mouse."
Crow: C'mon, enough with the talk, tonsil
wrestle, get at it. What are we waitin' for?
"Actually, ah figured ah owed it to you. After all, it was my fault you were in that mess in the first place."
Tom Servo: "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. I'm just going to kill you for that now."
"Forget it. It wasn't your fault.
Crow (looking at Bob): She only showed
up and nearly got you all blown up. And I do believe she just Boinked your
"Older brother" a few chapters back.
Speaking of which...as long as were out here, there's someone I'd like to pay a visit to." He sat up straight in his seat. "Set a course for the Supercomputer."
Crow: (Captain Kirk) "Warp... Nine. We.. come in peace. Shoot to kill..."
Part V: '"This *is* the Supercomputer, Bob."
Bob: Thanks, in part, to that big flashing sign that says "Welcome to the Supercomputer" at the system limits.
It was many times larger than Mainframe--in fact, it was the largest system in the entire Net.
Crow: Yes, at a whopping three miles!
Even from a distance, it seemed to span the entire horizon;
Bob: It does. The sky's as big as the city is.
up close, it was a breath-taking sight.
Mike: Mainly because they still haven't passed that air-filtration act yet.
Gleaming towers above,
Tom Servo: Ah! My eyes! My eyes!
an endless landscape of low-lying residential buildings below, and in between,
Mike: the sandwich meat.
layer upon layer of electronic highways, crowded with every type of vehicle imaginable;
Crow: A yugo?
it was easy to see how the Supercomputer had earned its reputation as the greatest system in the Net.
Bob: Geez, there's only about twelve Supercomputers. This writer needed to study up before she wrote this.
It was a very familiar sight for Bob; he was initialized and complied in the Supercomputer.
Bob: Which one, I was an orphan and grew up in three Supercomputers!
He suddenly realized how much he missed his friends from the Academy,
Bob: What friends, I had three roommates and they made my existence miserable!
All: He doesn't have any!
how long had it been since he had last spoke with his brother in person? A wave of homesickness came over him.
Mike: Then he realized his brother tried to kill him and all happy thoughts went up in smoke.
He shook off the feeling. *This is ridiculous,* he thought.
Crow: It doesn't matter how many angels can dance on the head of a pin!
After all, Mainframe was his home now.
Tom Servo: Ah, yes, Mainframe. Slime-coated city of excitement. Virals rule and data sprites are treated as filth.
Or was it?
All: Bum, bum, bum!
@.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6..
(Bob, Mike, Crow, and Tom all leave the theater and stand around)
Mike: Yeah, sooooo...
Bob: Nice place you've got here. Guess I should start to make myself at home.
Tom Servo: You aren't having my room! No! IT'S MY ROOM, AND MY ROOM ONLY!! STAY OUT PAL!! You can have.. um.. MIKE'S room..
Mike: What? Why me! He can sleep in Gypsy's room... I'm sure she won't mind.
Bob: Gypsy? You have.. a female on board?
(Crow and Tom look at each other while Bob checks his hair)
Crow: Yeah! Bob! Why don't you come meet Gypsy? I'm sure you two would make a CUTE couple!
Tom Servo: Yeah, you know Bob! You and her.. little this.. little that. Could work well.
Mike: You know.. I really don't think..
Crow: AHHHHH! STOP HIM! HE'LL RUIN OUR DIABOLICAL PLAN!!
(Tom starts twirling around and smacking Mike with his slinky hands, while Crow takes Bob aside)
Tom Servo: Take that! And THAT! AND THAT AND THAT AND THAT! Take of all of it you FOWL daemon! That.. and that.. and that...
Mike: Um guys.. you know.. I really don't think..
Tom Servo: It's not working Crow! It's not working!
Crow (Calling from off stage): Oh I don't know Servooo-o.. step on him or something..
Mike: You know, I don't think it's fair of either one of you to treat a new guest in this manner.. I mean...
Tom Servo: Oh ya, right! Step on him! Okay.. got it..
(Servo attempts to step on Mike but just falls over, off the table, and rolls around on his back)
Tom Servo: Ack! Help me! I'm doing an imitation of Chevy Chase's career and I can't get up!
Mike (Helping Servo back up): There ya go little buddy...
Tom Servo: Why thanks Mike.. that's so nice of you.. now, where was I? Oh yes.. aha! Whack! Pow! Back evil one!
(Bob and Crow walk back in. Bob looks rather stunned.)
Bob: I didn't know she was a box...
Crow: Oh she's much more than that Bob.. she's sweet.. she's sensitive...
Gypsy (Running on screen): Mike! Mikeeee! Some blue dork just tried to come on to me!
(Suddenly everything starts shaking and there's a loud bang)
Mike: Gypsy! What was that?!
Gypsy: We must've hit something while inside this swirly thing we're in while we.. oh I dunno... I'll go check...
Mike: Alright, I'll come help, after all this might be important..
(Suddenly the sirens start blaring, and Bob, Crow, and Servo run around insanely screaming "WE GOT MOVIE SIGNNNNNN!!!")
Mike: D'oh! Um.. ugh.. I'll get right back to you on that one Gypsy!
(Mike runs in after Bob and the Bots as the door closes behind them)
6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. @..
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